She came to see me for healing and we talked about her life. Her mind took her to a time when she was a little girl of four, and her parents were hugging her, but she didn’t feel any love from their hearts. Her father and brother teased and humiliated her. She felt empty and unloved. But there was another part of her that was watching the scene. With her mature mind, she now understood that her mother and father felt ’empty’ to her, not because she didn’t deserve love, but because they were missing love in their own lives, and they simply didn’t have enough to give. Anna had always thought that she’d done something wrong, that she didn’t deserve to be loved, but now she knew the real reason.

Sugar Is Love

I asked her to trace back to the past and find another picture in her memory. She went to a time when she was 10, and she was sitting at the table eating chocolate cake. Her mother had always given her this when she had been a good girl. The cake tasted so great! Her mother made it, and the sugar was ‘love from Mom’. It felt good; Anna knew her mother liked her if she could have dessert or treats. She desperately wanted to please her mom, and eating her mom’s cake definitely pleased mom. She was happy eating that cake, and life was okay. She now saw how much the sugar was equated to mother-love.

She then went forward many years in her imagination, and she saw a picture of her boyfriend leaving her for another woman, and now she realized that she had been turning to food for years to fill the gaping holes. She was having many revelations — gaining wisdom for her essence that was helping to heal her.

She looked at her habitual thoughts. She said: “Here’s the first one: ‘Nothing is all right.’ And the next: ‘Life is not fair and no good.’ And, ‘What’s the use?’” These were words she often heard from her father and also the part of her own mind that she tried to stuff down with food. A voice in her mind constantly told her to eat all the cookies she wanted.

I asked her to experience her strength now and to talk to that old compulsive voice. She said to it: “I’m in charge now. There’s no way you can get me to eat those cookies when I’m not hungry. I get to decide. You can be creative instead of destructive. You can stop eating those cookies now.”

Letting Your Essence Guide You

Another time, I asked her to go to the place of guidance within herself to give herself some more understanding of her situation. Her essence spoke to her in the form of her inner wisdom: “You often eat when you’re lonely. Your loneliness is a spur to help you grow. Blocking or numbing it with food only hinders you. Accept your loneliness, your boredom, your anger and your grief. Work with these feelings; let yourself feel them, and then come back to the love.”

I then spoke to her deeper mind directly: “You don’t have to feed yourself junk any more. When you were little, sugar was a reward. The people in your family showed their love through sweet food, but it’s not a reward any more. You can reward yourself in new ways now. You can give yourself love and nurturing. You can reward yourself by eating wholesome, healthy, delicious food in moderate amounts. You’re not a little girl anymore, and the old ways are over. The rewards you get now are 10 times greater. You deserve them, no matter how many things you did that weren’t good. You deserve nurturing because your essence is goodness.”

Anna then got a spontaneous image of herself out on a cliff overlooking the ocean. She watched the waves roll onto the beach and out again. The clouds were floating peacefully above her. She felt a peaceful presence that brought her back to herself once again.

Finding a Greater Comfort

Eating is not only a necessity; it’s a ‘comfort habit’, a habit that seems to make you feel at ease and secure. Other such habits that seem to create comfort are smoking, drug use, nail biting, hair twirling, and drinking. These habits are attempts to alter consciousness. Many of them involve trying to fill that primal need of the infant cradled in its mother’s arms, warmly fed and loved in a peaceful, idyllic way. You long for this ultimate satisfaction, for comfort and security and love. You long to be the infant at peace, and you seek to create that state by putting something into your mouth, into your body, to quiet your tension-filled mind. It seems to work for a short while, but it has long-term repercussions and many negative effects.

The Underlying Issues of Food Addiction

The roots of most food problems stem from basic human issues of love and self-esteem. Food is used to fill emptiness and loneliness, to mask self-hatred and shame, to find comfort and pleasure, to tranquilize — so many reasons. When you know of other ways to get your needs met and your problems solved, food ceases to be the only alternative.

Not everyone has experienced the lack of early nurturing. Some people have a simple physiological addiction to sweets or carbohydrates or fats. But for others, the addiction is compounded with the satisfaction of these deeper needs. The primary principle here is that you have the capacity in your adult years to bring yourself what may have been missing earlier in your life.

Also read » 4 Simple Ways to Cultivate Unconditional Self-love

Beating Your Inner Gremlin

When you know it may be some ‘gremlin’ or some lonely little kid that, as a part of you, is eating all those cookies, you get to make the decision about how you handle the matter. You can give the ‘gremlin’ or the child some other way to play or get nurtured — and you can eat to satisfy a more evolved part of yourself. You can talk to these parts to remind them that they do not have the ultimate power over you.

When you can center yourself in your essence, then you can eat with greater awareness of who you’re really nourishing.

[Editor’s note: The following section was added by the Complete Wellbeing editorial team to supplement the original article with current research context.]

What the Research Says About Compulsive Eating

The connection between emotional pain and compulsive eating that Marilyn Gordon describes in her clinical work is now well-supported by neuroscience. Studies show that highly processed foods, particularly those high in sugar, fat, and salt, activate the brain’s dopamine reward pathways in ways that closely resemble the neurological response to addictive substances. A widely cited review published in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews found that intermittent, excessive sugar intake produces changes in dopamine and opioid receptor activity comparable to those seen with drugs of abuse. This is why the craving for junk food so often intensifies precisely when we are stressed, lonely, or emotionally depleted: the brain is seeking a quick chemical fix for an emotional wound.

Research also confirms that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including emotional neglect, parental unavailability, or a home environment where love was conditional, are significantly associated with disordered eating in adulthood. A large-scale study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found that adults seeking treatment for eating disorders reported substantially higher ACE scores than the general population, with patterns of childhood trauma mapping onto specific eating behaviors in adulthood. When comfort and affection were scarce in childhood, the brain learns to seek substitute rewards. Food, especially sweet food, becomes one of the most accessible.

Mindfulness-based approaches and therapies that address the emotional roots of eating, such as the inner-healing work described in this article, have shown strong results in clinical settings, often outperforming diet-focused interventions alone when the underlying driver is emotional rather than physiological.

Related reading » How to Transform Oneself With Mindfulness

A version of this article originally appeared in the October 2014 issue of Complete Wellbeing print edition. It was published on this website on 1^st June 2016.

Last updated on 26^th March 2026

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There are three critical factors that shape a child’s health

1. Nutrition
2. Activity levels
3. Sleep

How could something as simple as watching TV or browsing on a  tablet or phone interfere with these, you ask. Let’s find out…

Nutrition

Nutrition is about eating healthy food and eating in the right proportion. Children are intuitive eaters; they tend to be more in touch with their body and hunger cues as compared to adults. However, they lose the ability to know how much they should eat when they are distracted by devices or when their plate is filled with processed food.

There was a time when parents or grandparents used to carry the child and tell them stories while feeding them. Today’s harsh reality is that we see parents feeding their children while the latter have their eyes glued to some screen. In order to ensure that their children eat faster and with minimum fuss, parents allow them to watch cartoons or play games on these devices. As children don’t realise what and how much they eat, they are more likely to have digestive and metabolic problems by their early teens.

With the food industry targeting parents and children with their well-planned advertising campaigns, consuming foods marketed by them as healthful is very common. Further, with celebrities endorsing such products, children love to consume them. Parents prefer to fill their children’s lunch/snack box with the latest products launched in the market as it is easier and less time consuming [and promoted as healthy] as compared to traditional homemade snacks.

Most of these products contain hydrogenated fat [the type that clogs the arteries], artificial flavours and colours, thickening agents and preservatives. These are known carcinogens and harmful to the body’s metabolism and are linked to issues such as ADHD, Autism, and depression. They also contain other toxic chemicals, MSG [mono sodium glutamate] and high amounts of sugar and salt, added to increase the shelf life and taste of the product.

Dr. David Kessler in his book, ‘The End of Overeating’ says that consuming foods with high amounts of sugar and salt causes a change in the taste buds and brain’s chemistry.

Subsequently, naturally sweet /normal home food will not please the tongue. This explains why children who are exposed to such junk food want to snack only on those, and never try real fruits, vegetables or fresh homemade food.

What you should do

In order to ensure that your children eat right, be the role model. When parents start eating healthy and fresh food, it will inspire and motivate the younger ones to try those. Involve the younger ones in grocery shopping , cooking and avoid bribing them with gadgets or food.

Activity Levels

It is recommended that up to the age of 21, we should have physical activity of 60-90 minutes per day. With the ever-increasing pressure of study load and performance, children don’t get enough time to play outdoors. Playtime now means sitting in one place playing video games, watching videos or using social networking sites. As their device usage increases, their physical activity, social interaction, and attention span reduces.

Little do we realise the effect of devices on their brain and behaviour. Several studies have already pointed out that there is a delay in cognitive development in children who are exposed to too much electronic media. Additionally, since their skull is not as hard as that of adults, the radiations from mobile/tablet/gadgets can easily penetrate their skull and cause damages in their brain.

What you should do

Give them your attention and not a gadget. Encourage your children to play real games; keep video games away. This will not only improve their fitness, immunity, attention span and social skills, but will also ensure their brain develops faster.

Sleep

Both the issues detailed above create a third issue. The chemicals and sugar in the junk food keeps the brain excited and lack of physical activity compounds it by not making the body tired enough to sleep. As a result, children don’t sleep on time, which disrupts theirsleep cycle. Parents again give children gadgets or turn on the television to calm them down. This only does the opposite.

The light emitted by these devices are largely from blue light spectrum, which is outside human visibility spectrum. The blue light prevents the pineal gland from secreting the sleep hormone melatonin, and interferes with the circadian rhythm and sleep cycle. Good quality sleep is a non-negotiable factor for immunity and physical and cognitive growth in children.

What you should do

Create a healthy sleep routine and stick to it. Avoid gadgets an hour before bed time and move the television from the bedroom to another room. Use this time to connect with family. Either coach your child to sleep by themselves or sing lullabies and read stories to them to make them sleep.

Final words

As parents earn more, and spend less time with the children, they compensate it with things like processed food, gadgets, and other indoor game consoles. Though these things keep children engaged, we often forget their real need and the negative effects of these conveniences.

One of the best ways to show care and love to your children is to make fresh homemade food and spend quality time with them. This will improve their immunity, metabolism and mental health which will equip them to be fit and sound for a whole life.

The post Too much screen time is bad for your child’s wellbeing appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Food was my friend, my saviour, my confidante. I ate when I was happy, sad, lonely, angry or bored. My eating had no connection whatsoever to being hungry or full. I don’t think that I have ever really experienced what being ‘full’ was. I was so disconnected from physical sensations that I no longer noticed them. My constant craving for food and overindulgence in it were also a way to ignore my emotions, ‘stuff the food, stuff the feelings’ was all too true in my case.

Did Genetics Cause My Addiction?

I was born at a time when parents wanted to prove that they could afford to feed their family, and feed them well—so I was a chubby baby. But as a child I was surprisingly skinny. I see photographs of myself back then and I’m shocked because I thought I have always been obese! My body dysmorphia [the belief that one’s body must be changed or hidden] began early and persists to this day. In a self-fulfilling prophecy the skinny child became the fat adult.

Was it because my mother’s mother lived through the Great Depression and World War II that food hoarding became routine? Was the desperation for food genetically passed from grandmother to mother to daughter? Or did I get it from my dad, because my father was raised in a residential boys’ home where meals were so meagre and brief that he learned to gulp food without pausing to chew?

Does it matter?

Past events might have formed me but as an adult, I realised that I am now responsible for whatever I put into my mouth.

My Life As An Addict

I treasure my intellect and usually approach life rationally. But no matter how many times I tried to deconstruct my food addiction and think my way out of it, I failed. I truly believe sugar and white flour are addicting, and when I ingest them I am in a crazed state of manic highs and crashing lows. In the midst of my addiction I am no longer a rational person, let alone a decent friend, a hard-working employee, a loving family member. I care more about my next mouthful than I ever cared about you.

Have you heard of someone break a tooth eating frozen food straight from the freezer, because you can’t wait to thaw it? Or do you know someone who has stolen a child’s holiday candy, then lied and told him he must have eaten it already? Is it rational to expect to find the answers to life problems in a refrigerator? No. It is not.

Changing My Relationship With Food

Therefore, to address my food addiction, I had to get clean first. Working with a therapist, or making list after list of food-related resolutions, proved worthless. Until I cut sugar and white flour from my life and flushed them from my system, I couldn’t begin to establish a new relationship with food.

I won’t lie—my first month was difficult. I ate so many vegetables that I thought I would turn green. I drank herbal tea non-stop and tripled the number of times I ran to the bathroom. I was sure I’d drop dead from malnutrition—but I didn’t.

I joined a support group of other like-minded food junkies. Doing this alone is a recipe for disaster. And, knowing that sugar is an additive in many pre-packaged foods, I started reading nutrition labels. Unless sugar [and her cousins sucrose, glucose, honey, etc.] were listed fifth or lower in the ingredients, I didn’t buy or eat it.

Feelings, which were previously stuffed down with the excess food, became overwhelming. I had to learn to feel my feelings, to truly experience sadness, loneliness, anger. Activities other than eating had to be mastered. Compulsive eating was no longer my go-to coping mechanism; so I had to find other coping skills.

The Big Changes Happen

Over time, amazing things have happened.  With sugar and white flour out of my system, the cravings have lessened. Like the volume of music on radio, I can dial down the cravings, so that food calls to me in a much quieter voice, making it far easier to resist. I no longer have afternoon energy crashes; because I eat complex carbohydrates instead of refined white flour, my blood sugar stays level without the spikes and slumps.

I am down 75 pounds and have remained that way for a dozen years. When winter comes, I am astonished that last year’s outfits still fit. Clothes wear out or become dated; I no longer own separate fat clothes and thin clothes.

My physician was stunned by the drop in my blood sugar and cholesterol levels. I was stunned at how much easier it became to exercise, take the stairs or even remain awake after a meal.

In Conclusion

I am a food addict, and I always will be. I can manage my addiction, but never cure it. The chubby baby still lives inside me, and always will. But I can learn to love her, rather than be embarrassed by her and to soothe her without using food. Though still glorious, food is now only food, and I can get out of the food and back into life.

This was first published in the March 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post How I Dialed Down My Cravings appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

For most people, cravings for sweet and sometimes starchy foods [such as bread and rice] are rooted in an imbalance in the levels of blood sugar. The cycle can start when you eat food that causes a considerable surge of sugar. In response to this, your body secretes copious quantities of insulin—the hormone chiefly responsible for lowering blood sugar levels. The problem is that a glut of insulin can cause blood sugar levels to plummet typically 2 – 3 hours later.

The sweet roller-coaster

When blood sugar levels drop to subnormal levels [referred to as hypoglycaemia], it’s natural for the body to crave foods that replenish sugar quickly into the bloodstream. It is this mechanism that normally triggers cravings for sweet foods. For some, it can trigger cravings for other foods as well including alcohol. Of course, consuming more of these can cause blood sugar levels to skyrocket again, only to come crashing down some time later. And so the cycle repeats.

The impact of this blood sugar ‘roller-coaster’ can be profound. Not only does it predispose us to unhealthy food cravings, it can also affect your mood. Low blood sugar can starve the brain of much-needed fuel and precipitate low mood, mood swings and anxiety. A lot of people who engage in comfort eating suffer from blood sugar imbalance. But when they eat in a way that stabilises blood sugar levels, their tendency to comfort eat reduces considerably and sometimes disappears altogether.

Peaks of blood sugar can be damaging too because surges of insulin drive fat into the body’s fat cells [insulin is fattening]. In particular, fat deposited in this way tends to accumulate in and around the abdomen—so-called abdominal obesity. It is this form of fat that is strongly linked with chronic conditions such as heart disease and type-2 diabetes.

Not only does the blood sugar ‘roller-coaster’ predispose us to unhealthy food cravings, it can also affect your mood

How to quell cravings

The key to quelling cravings and comfort eating is to eat in a way that stabilises blood sugar levels. This involves limiting those foods in the diet that tend to be disruptive for blood sugar. Foods with added sugar qualify here, but so do many starchy carbohydrates such as bread, potato, rice and breakfast cereals. Many of these ‘starchy staples’ are actually as or even more disruptive to blood sugar levels as table sugar. Plus, when we eat them, we tend to eat them in quantity, which increases the risk of significant disruption.

To combat cravings, scale back on the consumption of disruptive carbohydrates and emphasise foods that help ensure blood sugar stability. Increase your consumption of appropriate foods—meat, fish, eggs, nuts, seeds, paneer and other cheeses, natural yoghurt, vegetables [like okra, spinach, cauliflower], beans and lentils. Basing the diet around these helps stabilise blood sugar levels. But what we eat is only part of the solution—when we eat is important too.

Imagine not eating all day only to eat a huge evening meal. Irrespective of what you eat, this pattern of eating won’t help blood sugar stability. To stabilise blood sugar levels, eat regularly. This means eating three meals a day, but some people benefit from eating healthy snacks in between. Going too long between eating can cause blood sugar levels to fall and really sharpen the appetite. Once hunger bites, it can be difficult to resist the very foods we know are not good for us. This will again destabilise blood sugar levels.

What we eat is only part of the solution—when we eat is important too

One time of the day when a healthy snack can have enormous value is in the late afternoon—to tide you over between lunch and dinner. Fruit is often recommended as the snack of choice, but I don’t rate it at all. First of all, fruit is quite sugary, and not necessarily an ideal food for blood sugar balance. But the other thing is that, for many people, fruit does not do a very effective job of sating the appetite.

Nuts make a much better snack. They actually help with blood sugar stability, and have quite powerful appetite-sating properties. Some people imagine that nuts are fattening and highly calorific. However, studies show that nuts do not promote weight gain, and often actually help lose weight. How can we explain this?

Well, to begin with, nuts are a satisfying food. This means we may not need to eat many of them to feel satisfied, and they may cause us to eat less of other foods later on too. Also, fat storage in the body is not simply down to the balance of calories going in and coming out of the body. The flow of fat into and out of fat cells is under hormonal control, and the key player here is the hormone insulin. Insulin is secreted most plentifully in response to carbohydrate and least in response to fat.

Nuts, being a naturally fat-rich, protein-rich and low-carbohydrate food, actually help temper hunger and insulin levels and therefore may actually assist weight loss.

Nuts help with blood sugar stability, and have quite powerful appetite-sating properties

Supplementary benefits

Blood-sugar balance depends on the supply of specific nutrients, the most important of which is the mineral chromium. Supplementing with this nutrient does seem to help stabilise blood-sugar levels and, importantly, can help to curb carb-cravings. In one study, overweight women treated with 1,000mcg of chromium per day saw their hunger [and food intake] fall significantly compared to women taking a placebo [inactive medication]. In another study, chromium supplementation was found to reduce carbohydrate cravings specifically.

Some supplements offer a blend of nutrients designed to help stabilise blood sugar. In addition to chromium, these often include magnesium and B-vitamins. Such a supplement, or even straight chromium, can be useful during the initial stages of transition to a lower-carbohydrate diet. Whether in combination with other nutrients or alone, I recommend 400mcg – 800mcg of chromium daily, spread out over 2 – 3 doses during the day.

Another natural agent that can help quell cravings is the amino acid glutamine. This nutrient provides ready fuel for the brain and in practice can extinguish carbohydrate cravings. I suggest buying glutamine as a powder and dissolving one teaspoon [about 4g] in about 500ml water.

Sip this liquid throughout the day, particularly between meals as food cravings are more likely to strike then. And, also because the body absorbs glutamine better on an empty stomach.

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