Culturally, boys and girls often face different expectations, and it’s tempting to impose limits to “protect” daughters. Yet, emotional maturity is developing in tandem with physical changes. So, while setting boundaries, balance them with trust. Remember that adolescence is about forming a new identity—an ongoing journey of self-discovery.

How to Help Your Teenage Daughter Blossom Into a Healthy and Happy Adult

Here are a few pointers that can empower you to support your teenage daughter as she embraces her transition to adulthood.

Balancing Freedom and Responsibility

With all the physical and mental changes your daughter is experiencing, her reasoning, judgment, and self-image are constantly evolving. Social preferences also shift, with time spent increasingly among friends. This transition doesn’t mean she doesn’t value your support; in fact, you remain her steady anchor. Respect her social choices but stay gently involved.

Monitor her friends without infringing on her privacy. Rather than spying, talk openly about her relationships. If you notice concerning behavior, express your concerns calmly and encourage a positive, open dialogue. Set family-wide rules that foster mutual respect, not a hierarchy of limitations.

Supporting Your Teen’s Career Choices

Teenagers may seem resistant to guidance, but your insights can be valuable. Explore her strengths and interests and discuss career possibilities without pushing her toward your dreams. Encouraging her to follow her natural talents can motivate her to strive in her chosen field.

If you’re unsure of her inclinations, professional career counseling or aptitude tests can help reveal unique skills and interests. Remember, though, that sons and daughters deserve equal encouragement and support, free of gender-based expectations. Promote an environment where she feels empowered to pursue her aspirations.

Handling Her Mood Swings

Mood swings, driven by hormonal changes, are a natural part of adolescence. While these shifts may test your patience, it’s vital to remain calm and understanding. Empathize with your teenage daughter’s struggles and validate her emotions. If she resists advice, simply listen without judgment. Letting her express herself is sometimes more valuable than offering solutions.

Remain consistent, and try not to interpret rebellious behavior as a parenting failure. Strengthen your role by being open and adaptable, balancing boundaries with trust. Share your own values calmly rather than imposing them; this models self-assurance and provides a safe emotional anchor as she explores her identity.

Building a Supportive Community

Parenting a teenage daughter can be overwhelming, but connecting with other parents of adolescents can provide fresh perspectives. Exchange ideas, share struggles, and support one another. Hearing how others manage similar challenges can remind you that you’re not alone and can help you develop effective strategies.

Championing Her Right to Independence

Your teenage daughter deserves the freedom to make her own choices and shape her life. Help her resist societal pressures that may limit her opportunities. Encourage her to seek equality and value her worth beyond stereotypes. As her parent, you play a crucial role in helping her break free from gender constraints and aim high.

Related » 7 ways to help your teenager survive and thrive

Conclusion

Raising a teenage daughter is a dynamic journey that calls for patience, understanding, and mutual respect. By fostering open communication, respecting her growing independence, and balancing guidance with trust, you can support her path to becoming a strong, empowered individual. Remember, your presence and acceptance are the foundations that will help her navigate this transformative stage with confidence.

This is an updated version of the article that originally appeared in the March 2009 issue of Complete Wellbeing magazine.

The post Tips to Help Your Teenage Daughter Blossom Into a Thriving Adult appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Habits bind

Lifestyle plays a major role in determining a family’s health. But every family has a unique lifestyle—shared interests, likes, dislikes, values and habits, which have been influencing the family’s way of life. More specifically, certain behaviour patterns or habits are the very backbone of a family. These include food, leisure and recreation habits, cleanliness, hygiene, sleeping and resting schedules, meal hours, interpersonal interaction patterns, financial planning, religious habits and such others.

These habits are a tradition of the family and are generally followed with great consistency. They give a sense of stability and predictability to the family’s interaction pattern. They become a part and parcel of every member’s life and his or her behaviours are automatically programmed to function in a particular way. Habits are thus consistent ways of behaviour, which every member of the family is used to and expected to follow. Functional habits can go a long way in maintaining physical and mental health, while non-functional ones can adversely affect it.

Good food habits

Children learn from observing adults in the family. Thus, the elders have a responsibility to practise what they preach. If you want to teach good habits to your children, then you have to follow them first. Often, there is a disconnect between theory and practice. For instance, children are taught the importance of a ‘balanced diet’ in their textbooks, but their meals often have foods low in nutrition.

In addition, the changing social scenario and way of life in general has influenced our eating habits widely. The media advertisements project attractive foodstuff [most of them being low in nutritive value], which fascinate children and youth. It is then the parents’ responsibility to explain to children the importance of nutrition and nourishment and good dietary habits. Parents should also prevent children from getting misguided by explaining to them the inconsistencies in claims of advertisers. The whole family needs to understand and acknowledge the importance of health and wellbeing and should mutually decide their eating preferences. Together they should take efforts to strike a balance between a healthy diet and occasional indulgences.

Good physical habits

Good eating habits need to be supplemented by exercise. Physical exercises keep the mind and body fit and active. Practising yoga and meditation not only keeps you in shape, but also improves concentration, attentiveness, steadiness—physical and mental wellness.

Elders in the family must show that they care for the health of family members by refraining from addictions like smoking, drinking and using drugs, which may pose problems related to health and relationships.

Today’s sedentary lifestyle has invited problems like obesity in children and adults. Many parents complain of children remaining glued to the television or computer screens and not venturing out. Parents should make the children understand the importance of physical activity and playing. Activities like running, swimming and cycling should be encouraged.

Not just the children, but the seniors in the family too must be encouraged to exercise. In addition, they should follow a proper routine, with fixed timings for medication, food and socialising.

Good money habits

Good practices spread to money matters too. Together, the family should decide on financial practices to follow and over the priorities and essentialities of the family. The homemaker too needs to be recognised for her contribution as she executes the plans. The art of saving and spending money wisely should be inculcated in children right from beginning by introducing concepts like piggy banks.

Good daily habits

On the whole, following a well-planned routine is essential. A good routine can take several weeks to establish, but everyone will feel better once it is in place. Each one, however, needs to remember that routines are for every one and hence have to suit needs of all the members and be adaptive and flexible.

Setting routines for meal times, bedtime, homework and study time, TV watching time, time for communication about daily events to each other, cooking, cleaning the house, gardening and venturing out help in promoting togetherness, maintain good health and inculcate discipline.

Good interaction habits

Ideal ways of behaviour are always stressed upon with a goal of maintaining favourable family climate, which refers to the way each one feels about every other member and the family as a whole. A pleasant family climate is where members speak politely, respect elders, feel a sense of togetherness and cooperation, have consistent ways of behaviour, values and habits.

Making humour [timely and in considerate amount] a habit also can help keep the family atmosphere at ease. It may reduce pervading tension and gloom and make the family feel better.

Good moral habits

Respecting and caring for elders is a good habit. They should be seen as wise and experienced members of the family, thus refraining from elderly abuse. Punctuality, cleanliness, hygiene, respecting the elderly and politeness are taught to us right from the childhood. They can be better practised than preached only when people feel the need and comprehend the indispensable nature of good habits.

Encourage a positive attitude towards life in family elders, which may help them focus on gains of old age rather than the losses. The family thus needs to plan its journey towards wellness properly.

Habits do not restrict themselves to mere commonplace home-bound behaviours, but are wider in scope to include practices of discipline, obedience, politeness, complacence, consideration for others’ wellbeing, patriotism, altruism, forgiveness and hope. When values and virtues like these become our habits, only then happiness become habitual for us!

This was first published in the July 2009 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Almost family

The latter group of people attaches a lot of importance to ‘family friends’ in their lives. For them, family friends play many roles. They are partners in joy and sorrow, allies in making decisions, and trusted buddies to whom they turn to for advice. Such people look forward to spending special moments with their friends and have no barriers speaking their minds out. For them, family friends are an encouraging source, which allows them to take pride in their strengths and deal with their weaknesses. With family friends, every interaction is a learning experience, means of enhancing every individual’s personhood. Above all, family friends are a reliable mate who they know will accept them unconditionally allowing them to be the way they are.

Bitter break-ups

Looking at the various functional roles family friends play in our lives, anybody would wish to be blessed with such caring and trustworthy family friends. Relationships, however, are truly a subjective experience and hence each individual feels it differently. I have come across a few families who dread the term family friends. Surprisingly, there was a time when these very people had thick buddies of their own. A and B were partners in business. For years, their families enjoyed being together, sharing moments of happiness and misery. In due course, disagreements cropped up in their business and petty tiffs became full-blown conflicts. Business matters seeped into family lives, creating a rift between the two families. As time passed, things worsened. Finally, the business partners parted ways breaking all professional and personal ties with each other.  It was a bitter transition for both families to see such a harsh debacle of their relationship.

Meeting of minds

Many a times, the nature of family friendship depends on how the families became friends. The friendship may have passed on through generations or may have been generated through business relationships or from social gatherings or family outings. Every family has its own special story of how they met their family friends, and how their bond deepened and relationship flourished over the years. Regardless of how the relationship was initiated, there are certain common as also special rules that guide every relationship so that the relationship doesn’t meet a bitter end like in the case of A and B.

Drawing the line

Differences of opinion: Each one of us is aware that individual differences exist, however most of us fall short of accepting and respecting these differences. We need to understand that despite certain similarities in such a relationship, there are two families with different beliefs, values, lifestyle, choices, and preferences involved. Family friendship can be a truly rewarding experience when each family understands the difference between involvement and interference.

Mutual liking: Also, it is important to ensure that the family friends’ company is enjoyable to each member of your family. The interaction should not be forced on any member. Each family needs to have certain collectively determined views of what should and should not be discussed with family friends. It helps ensure and respect privacy of each member of the family.

Strictly family: Every family may decide on a specific ‘family time’ just for members of the family. In this time, each member gets space to discuss his/her own issues pertaining to various aspects of life and decisions may be taken collectively. Every family needs to decide the privacy boundary for itself while interacting with family friends and make sure that is not breached. Families may collectively decide to consider perspectives and opinions of family friends when making important decisions but the final decision may rest only with the family. No matter how enmeshed two families are, some level of social distance is required.

Two-way talk: For a family friendship to become a satisfying experience for each family, open communication between the families may be encouraged where similarities and differences may be explored. This may enable them to enjoy similar interests and activities as also develop tolerance towards dissimilarities that may be present. Or else in times of dismay, the differences and suppressed negative feelings ooze out and worsen the already damaged situation like in the earlier example. Had these been communicated aptly at the right time, the intensity of the mishap could have been less.

Every family enjoys the right to enjoy social connectedness in the form of family friendships. It also has the responsibility of persevering that relationship without harming the family fabric.

Accepting and respecting individual differences may go a long way in enjoying a good social life, simultaneously retaining family solidarity and private space.

The post Beyond blood relations appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Having a new baby in the family may be one of the toughest things a child has to deal with. Many parents overlook how significant their attitudes and consequent actions can be in helping the child smoothly sail through these tough times. Let us sense, understand and imagine the possible life-situation the child may experience.

Look at me

When informed about the arrival of a new sibling, every child has unique emotional and behavioural reactions, depending on her age and maturity. The child may feel isolated, insecure or ignored. She may feel that the new baby is a substitute that her parents are bringing because she doesn’t behave well or love them enough. Children may not be able to express their emotional turmoil in words. These feelings then get manifested through non-verbal behaviours. The child may act-out at the arrival of the new sibling by throwing temper tantrums, crying without reason, or showing aggressive behaviour towards family members/herself/the newborn. She may regress [behave younger than she is]—insist on being fed, refuse to eat or ask help getting dressed [if she normally dresses on her own]. Often, children try to seek attention—they become disobedient or cling more. They feel jealous and resentful of the new one, because of which they boast of activities like dancing/ talking, which the newborn is unable to do.

However, not all older siblings behave in this manner. Quite a few of them also take pride in becoming an elder brother/sister. These children assume a sense of responsibility and become protective towards the younger one. They also become independent in routine activities like dressing and eating. They even try to entertain the younger siblings by playing with them, singing rhymes or songs to them or making funny faces.

It’s never always one scenario or the other; children may go through mixed feelings of like and dislike, intimacy and distance, protection and hurtful behaviour, anger and warmth towards the new member of the family. Parents have an inevitable role to play in helping the older child deal with these life-circumstances.

Are you ready?

It is important for parents to evaluate their own preparedness about the idea of having a new baby in the family. Often a well-planned entry of the child puts the parents in an accommodative mood and sets them ready to work through the process taking the entire family along. An unplanned pregnancy may affect the parents’ adjustment, consequently making successful transition difficult for all. It is important that parents are themselves convinced about their decision so that they can convince those in the family. Difficulties in this regard need to be addressed.

Step by step

Once you are comfortable with your decision, you can then plan the transition process together. You also need to understand that the change might be a difficult one for your first child and you need to do something about it and not wait for time to do the healing. Putting in conscious and informed efforts gives best results.

• The first thing you need to consider is the age and maturity level of the child. Based on this, explain the situation to the child in a language she understands without confusion. Remember, it’s important that the child comes to know of the arrival of the new member from the parents and not from someone else.
• Give her the freedom to ask questions and express her feelings openly. Don’t reject, discount or demean her revelations in any way. Encouraging such expression will help you gauge your child’s thought process and identify areas where you need to help her adjust better.
• Ensure that at all times your verbal and non-verbal behaviour depicts warmth and understanding towards the child.
• Involve the child at every step in the process of redecorating/rearranging the home in preparation of the new child. Encourage your first child to make choices and participate.
• Keep the child updated on the mother’s health by consistently informing her about the mother’s health, her needs and her diet.
• Communicate how valuable the child’s cooperation and support is for the parents. Reward her by thanking her, praising her efforts or giving her gifts every time she cooperates. The child needs to be reassured of how unconditionally you love her and that the love will persist.
• Talk about the time when the child was a toddler. Show her videos or pictures from that time. Share your parenting experiences with her. Try and explain how exciting and memorable the process was and that now with the entry of the baby, the older one also has a role to assume and memories to gather and cherish for life.
• As the delivery date draws closer, as husband and wife, you will need to mutually plan the role the father and significant others will play, while the mother is in the hospital.
• During this time, plan activities well to keep the older child occupied. Involve her in the preparation such as packing the mom’s hospital bag and welcoming the new-born.

The child is bound to have mixed feelings towards the big change in the family. Be patient and try to understand what she is experiencing. Your consistent efforts are critical for everyone’s physical and psychological wellbeing. If you fail, the transition will be a rough one for your first child and can trigger sibling rivalry even before the new child arrives. But if done right, the child will be more eager than you to welcome her new sibling home.

This was first published in the November 2011 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Being forced to spend so much time indoors often upsets people, especially children, who then nag their parents. However, with well-planned ventures, you can keep up the mood at home and use this time to the advantage of your family.

The indoor activities are especially worthwhile if all the family members perceive it as a time to plan and enjoy. Here are a few indoor ideas you can try together with your folks:

Rekindle past memories

This could be a good time for walking down memory lane and reviving the memories of special events that are dear to the family such as academic achievements of a family member, marriage, birth of a child, new job, support of grandparents and the like.

You can bring out photo albums, watch old videos or screen slide shows. Every photograph has a story associated with it. Members can recount these stories…the photographs will come alive again.

Watching the years gone by frozen forever, bolsters a strong family bond. It’s a nice way for the children to get to know their parents and learn about the things that are special to the family.

They get to learn interesting titbits about their family’s past, which can be a matter of pride and delight for them. These are rare moments, which our busy lifestyles don’t allow us to enjoy otherwise.

Get to know each other’s likes/dislikes

A different way to get to know each member better is to make a list of his/her likes and dislikes. If you have a whiteboard at home, you could make an interesting chart of it rather than merely talking about it.

You could give each member a coloured marker with which s/he could write his/her likes/dislikes or top three wishes on the board. Another interesting way is to ask each person to write his or her likes/dislikes, dreams and aspirations on a chit of paper and you can mix all the chits together.

Then fish them out and read each chit aloud. After each chit is read, everyone can guess who may have written it.

The time together indoors gives us a wonderful opportunity to understand each other’s opinions and preferences, which we may have not paid attention to earlier.

Do the regular

Clichéd as they may be, some activities such as reading books, watching favourite movies, and listening to music together still help make productive use of time.

You could also play some games together such as your very own quiz show in which every member gets to be in the hot seat.

Scrabble is another favourite family pastime, the world over. It helps add to the vocabulary of not just children but of adults as well. You’d be surprised at the kind of words your child knows.

Other classic indoor activities include: cooking meals together, drinking piping hot beverages while watching the raindrops; painting on different surfaces like cloth or mugs; making gift articles and greeting cards with personal messages for each family member; organising your very own photo session with witty-weird expressions!

Monsoon confinement can be a good time to plan exercise schedules for children and adults, which may facilitate physical and mental health.

Discuss important issues

You could also use this time to discuss long-standing/important issues that need attention or resolve conflicts. Often, we disagree on things or keep some decisions on a backburner due to lack of time.

You can use this indoor time to resolve such issues, rebuild communication networks of the family, reform problem-solving and decision-making strategies, and reshape roles and responsibilities of the members.

Additionally, every family can be creative in its own way and design action plans that best suit the family needs. If you decide to do it together, you can transform the confinement into quality time for your family.

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Lawfully yours

Families of origin influence a couple’s belief system and shape their expectations about marriage, each other and family as a whole.

Hence, both partners should learn the intricacies of each other’s family of origin. The societal norms expect the daughter-in-law to blend in the new family. However, if a son-in-law too fulfils this expectation, it will truly be a happy family all the way.

In my workshop on ‘marriage and wellbeing’, I found that providing emotional support to one’s parents was the topmost expectation spouses had from each other. Here are some tips for the sons-in-laws to help fulfil their part of the expectations better.

Tricks of the trade

Start with emotionally accepting the responsibility of parents-in-law as being your own. This acceptance may be the vital foundation on which the relationship will be built. This becomes all the more important if your wife is the only daughter. Assure them that they have a support to rely upon. Find ways of displaying your acceptance of them as your family members—this in itself is rewarding for the parents-in-law.

Find out from your wife about her family dynamics in the context of getting to know her parent’s personalities, hobbies and interests. Later, plan collective activities keeping their likes and dislikes in mind to strengthen your bond. Respecting the bond that your wife has been sharing with her parents for all these years is essential, especially in the initial days of marriage when it would be a tough transition for her and her parents.

If you become a support system for both the parties involved, it would be a peaceful shift for them as well as for you to establish trust in your relationship. The initial days of marriage are crucial where you may initiate visiting your in-laws more often, calling and enquiring about their wellbeing or offering help in various routine activities of life. Your consistent empathic attitude is required.Expressing your concern for them through such actions without intruding too much in their private space would further deepen the emotional ties.

Family of the bride

Daughters are very special to their parents. They have taught them ways of living and of becoming successful in life. After having contributed immensely, parents want to know that their son-in-law is treating their daughter gently, respecting her opinion, providing a sense of security and loving her unconditionally. A love and respect-studded marital relationship is definitely going to earn you compliments from your in-laws as they can be sure that their daughter is in safe company.

If the wife’s family is planning a get-together, make sure you attend it. Family get-together is also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your in-laws, as it becomes a shared experience and memory for both. If you cannot make it for some reason, explain it to them, rather than assuming that they would understand. Offer to help with the preparations even if you can’t make it to the function. If non-attendance may become a regular feature without valid reason for the same, your parents-in-law may worry that something is wrong in your marriage.

Open communication goes a long way in preventing misunderstandings from creeping in. How well you connect with your wife’s sibblings is also important to your relationship with the in-laws and even your wife. Or else, it will be emotionally difficult for her to manage the rift.

Conflict resolution

It’s not always possible for you all to see eye-to-eye on everything and conflict may result. Discuss the line of action with your wife as she knows her parents better than you. Having built trust in your relationship, you may seek direct communication with your in-laws if there are certain issues that need to be conveyed.

Setting boundaries

There could be certain personal issues which you may want to share only with your wife. You must set boundaries by mutually talking with your wife regarding issues or decisions that shall not involve the in-laws. Choose what information should or should not be passed on to them and the amount of time that would be spent with them.

Also, sometimes what her parents may feel as their involvement in your life, could seem like an unneeded interference for you. Check if the in-laws [yours and hers] are taking up most of your time, which you could spend with each other to enrich your marital relationship. Your spouse should be your top priority. You may also have certain well-set and communicated boundaries for caring and disciplining your children or other household issues where your in-laws would not interfere.

Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree in some situations, politely telling them that you appreciate their suggestions, but you and your spouse make the final decisions. Try and be considerate, controlling your emotions and temper as much as possible and using words wisely without hurting anyone.

Moral of the story

As a son-in-law, you have all the right to receive love and adoration from your in-laws. But you also have a responsibility to build a great relationship with them. Learning to become a part of your wife’s family and to maintain a balance between the demands of your family and your wife’s family would help both families to enjoy the goodness of relationships. This will also fortify your relationship with your wife and your children’s relationship with their grandparents.

Your goal should be to build a strong family fabric that includes parents from both families. This will give you more love and resources to fight the stresses of daily life.

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Relationships are a part and parcel of human existence and do impact the nature of lifestyle and life events we undergo. Relationships are enjoyable, if they are mutually satisfying, pleasant, and favourable to individuals sharing it. Also, healthy relationships alleviate the negative impact of failures and elevate the feelings of success and accomplishments in life. Friendship is one of such relationship that plays a vital role in people’s lives across age groups—right from childhood to old age.

True friends

Friendship as a relationship has some common meanings and connotations, while for some it plays special functions. Generally, people have been describing friends as being the ones with whom they can share their secrets, laugh and cry, rely upon when in need and above all in company of whom they can be themselves without masking their real selves.

A real friend is often thought of just like another beloved relationship partner who accepts us unconditionally and is non-evaluative. Some people often report that they can be friends only with those people with similar interests and hobbies, value and belief systems, while there are some others who share the best of friendship despite several differences in their life choices and life patterns. Some believe in having only a few close friends while for some others, it is the quantity or number that serves the purpose. Friendship is a relationship pattern often not bound by geographical, cultural boundaries. We see friendships existing between countries of the world to bonds shared by people of different countries. Also, in addition to sharing blood relations, many families report that the bond of friendship that underlies their familial relationships is what keeps them close knit, allows them to be accepted unconditionally and also makes them love, being in the environs of their family. Many people also indicate that their best friend is their own self, while for some others it’s their book or TV which is their true friend. For some it ensures emotional support and guidance, while for some others it gives them a feeling of social connectedness and opportunities for spending leisure time. This surely depicts how diverse and dynamic is, and can be, the nature of such a relationship called, friendship.

Friends and freedom

Parenting impacts a child’s values, beliefs, behaviour patterns and lifestyle choices, undoubtedly. In childhood, parents often are support systems for the children. Interestingly, the presence of “imaginary friends” among little children may be suggestive of the need for belonging and love, and of assurance [friendship] present at that tender age too. With advancement into teens, friends begin to assume an unusually elevated sense of importance impacting career and educational choices, fashion, mannerisms and other life choices; however, parents do remain a strong sense of emotional support for most adolescents. I know of a teenager who had a huge group of close-knit friends since school years. After completing their 10th standard, most of them decided to take up careers in engineering. This teenager though not inclined for and having low interest in the vocation, also chose to take up engineering, with the fear that he would lose his friends company. He however, suffered academically and was referred for counselling. Importance of making right career choices based on ones aptitude and other mental ability factors was conveyed to the boy. Also, his fears of losing on friends were dealt with. With effective psychotherapy, he did realise where he needed to change his beliefs and behaviours. He is now pursuing a career in commerce, with his group of friends intact and happy together.

Friendship connections

This case indicates that friendship is not only about physical closeness or proximity, but also about the emotional and social connectedness, which can be guaranteed even if friends do not share the same vicinity. Friendships sometimes have been negatively viewed or tagged as what is called “gang culture” in adolescents, where teenagers are often observed indulging in faulty lifestyle habits, sexual issues, deviant and misbehaviour, or addictions to gain acceptability. This phenomenon may be referred to as peer pressure which harms the appropriate-choice-making process of the adolescents, which may be detrimental for their life. Across age groups, badly chosen company may affect indirectly the family and work life of the individual and above all impact his/her own individuality and self-reliance.

Friendship dependence

Every relationship has its own strengths and shortcomings and friendship is no exception. For friendships to prosper, each one needs to consistently analyse the behaviour of oneself and others. This may be done by firstly acknowledging the truth that our friends influence our choices in life. The more the interdependence within the friendship, more the happiness each one derives from it. Over-dependence of one over the other can make friendship a burden on the other. It may be effortless for friends of similar interests and lifestyles to take pleasure in their friendship; however, more caution needs to be observed when friends of diverse interests and varied lifestyles share friendship.

It may be important to note that the nature and our ideas and expectations from friendship, as a concept, change over age with newer friends assuming more importance than those before.

Acceptance of pleasant and unpleasant events is a part of any relationship and this unconditional acceptance helps us cherish the golden moments. It is thus important for each one of us to understand that the universal phenomenon of friendship is a pleasant relationship to be a part of. Each one of us has varied ideas and expectations about relationships in general and friendships in particular.

Friendship is an ever-evolving and adaptive relationship which calls for each one’s conscious efforts and clearly understood and communicated ideas towards friendship as a relationship pattern. This can further motivate us to promise a favourable climate for friendships to flourish.

The post Friends forever! appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

New system, unique demands

A nuclear family usually consists of a mother, father and children and in some cases, grandparents. In this scenario, a rigid demarcation of roles with none of the genders participating in each other’s domain of functioning [male: provider, female: nurturer] may not always be favourable. Hence, resources and duties need to be planned according to the preferences and schedules of the family. A strict demarcation of roles is also not always possible today, because women [mothers] have entered the world of work. They are getting aware of their rights and insist on exercising them. Responsibilities are therefore shared rather than merely allocated. This has brought a shift in the traditional role of parents, allowing them to share functions of family wellbeing and parenting.

Birth of a father

Research suggests that a father’s involvement in the child’s development is beneficial for the child’s academic performance. It greatly influences the occupations the child may choose in future, his or her social development, and self worth as also, his / her overall development. And the absence of a father may lead to psychological mal-adjustment, anti-social behaviours and scholastic problems in children.

But the role of a father [and of course, the mother] in parenting does not begin only after the birth of a child; it begins when the couple decides to bear a child. The fathers’ active emotional involvement in the mothers’ pregnancy ensures their collective responsibility and role in parenting ahead. It helps bolster and enhance their relationship, which is definitely essential for the wellbeing of the child and family as a whole.

Why fathers matter

As the child enters the world, the parents are bestowed with newer and more responsibilities. The child needs warmth and unconditional love from both the mother and the father and hence the father needs to spend quality time with the child, irrespective of the offspring’s gender. Sons often consider their fathers as a role model and this enhances the responsibility as a father. By observing your actions and interacting with you, he learns how to be a man. Daughters too need fathers since through you she learns what to expect from adults of both genders. Thus, responsibility lies with the father that he treats sons and daughters equally without sex-stereotyping. Parents become psychological mirrors for the children, which the children use to build their own unique identities.

A new job description

Fathers today are seen playing diverse roles, those of provider, nurturer, educator and provider of safety, security and emotional support. I know of a family comprising the couple, their son and grandparents. The couple has amicably decided that the husband will stay home and nurture the child while the mother will be the breadwinner. Having spoken to each one of them, I realised that they had carefully shared responsibilities and planned the parenting process in such a way that the child receives the love of the mother and father evenly. This is indeed an example of a non-traditional set up of a family, which portrays how a father’s role has been evolving, developing and changing over time.

Daddy cool

For people of earlier generations, fathers were a distant figure, a person hard to get close to. But today’s father has been liberated from the stereotype of the cold, impersonal, and unemotional man. Men are not afraid or ashamed to experience emotional closeness to their children. Today’s father is eager to be a role model of a ‘nurturant man’ for his children. The ‘Super Dad’ phenomenon is gripping every child’s description of their fathers. In a counselling session, I asked a group of children to talk about their fathers. Each one began saying that his dad was a Super Dad, who played cricket with him, who dropped him to school and helped in his homework. Another interesting revelation was that the children loved their fathers even more because they helped their mothers with the household chores. This depicts how keenly kids observe our actions and evaluate us!

Though being a Super Dad is a matter of pride and happiness, sometimes, some fathers find it overwhelming. They feel that they are in some way, unable to live up to the image. It is important in such cases to adapt the title in a way, which is based on realistic parameters and roles, which suit the respective father-child.

Doing it like dad

It may sometimes be difficult for fathers to spend time with their kids due to their job demands. If this is communicated well to the kids, they understand and also know what and how much to expect from their father.

Children are also sensitive to the relationship dynamics of the family. Stable and fulfilling relationships of the father with the mother, grandparents, other family members, and friends indirectly influence the child’s behaviour. Hence, taking efforts to enrich all your interactions with the significant others may help teach children approved ways of interaction. Many a times, the rearing that the father himself experienced as a child may act as a barrier to his parenting. He may be less aware of the ways of successful parenting though he may have the desire to practise them. Fathers need to be open to seek knowledge about the same as their involvement will help boost their confidence in themselves in addition to helping the child.

Trial and error

Every father should review his interactions with the child consistently, and note the behaviours and actions that work and those that fail to impact. This benefits the relationship between him and the child and the family as a whole. As a father you also need to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, thus retain your personhood. You also need to accept the fact that even though you play a vital role in child rearing, you too may fail sometimes due to situational and circumstantial reasons. You should, however, avoid self-blame since the family functions well with the efforts and participation of every member and not just you.

Together as parents

It is important how well both mother and father can accommodate their values, morals, needs and goals to best suit their child’s development. The child desires love and acceptance from both. The more the roles of the father and mother go hand-in-hand, the easier it is for the child to feel free to turn to either of them in time of need as each will offer similar support and guidance.

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