I usually focused my attention on the length of the transfer zone, where I would smoothly receive and hand off the baton but this time the coach’s words filled my thoughts. I turned and faced the start line. A loud CRACK from the starter’s pistol and they were off. As the sprinters pounded toward me, one thought repeated in my head: “DON’T DROP THE BATON.”

52 seconds later, our fastest runner streaked across the finish line; dead last. I had dropped the baton.

What went wrong?

We had raced as a team for two years and not once in the hundreds of practices and competitions had I dropped the baton. What had gone wrong this time? Had the coach inadvertently planted the thought in my mind? Would the result have been different if his final instructions were “most of all, pass the baton smoothly and safely”?

I had fallen victim to one of the most fundamental laws of the universe: What you think about most, becomes your reality. It is as certain as the law of gravity.

How affirmations work

Affirmations are verbal declarations, which have a powerful effect on our conscious and subconscious minds and ultimately our actions. They must NEVER be stated in the negative. We must choose our words carefully. Psychologists, neuroscientists and metaphysicians all agree that the subconscious cannot understand or acknowledge a negative. The affirmation, “I don’t [negative] want to be fat” is heard by the subconscious as, “I want to be fat.” We cannot help focusing on the word fat. The positive alternative, “I want to be slim” would be much more beneficial.

Don’t believe me? Close your eyes and repeat this statement three times. “I am not afraid.” Open your eyes. Which word stands out? We cannot help it; even though afraid is what we do not want to be, it is certainly the dominant word our mind focuses on. Now try repeating, “I feel safe.” Notice the difference? What we think and focus on the most becomes our reality. This is true in any aspect of life.

Archimedes formulated the principle of flotation in 200 BC. But Dr Wayne Dyer rightly observed, “The law of flotation was not discovered by contemplating the sinking of things.”

Success follows your dominant thoughts

I have read biographies of many great achievers. They all share a single trait—their thoughts, and thus their actions, are dominated by what they want to achieve. How they might achieve it is secondary. Since they keep thinking about succeeding most, success becomes their reality.

I spend a great deal of time in group homes and institutions talking to seniors. “What is your purpose, your goal, your dream, your worthy cause?” I ask. Sadly, many say they have none. Then I ask, “Well what is important to you, what do you want in life?” More silence. “OK, tell me what you don’t want in life?” Within seconds the responses pour out.

“I don’t want to be sick.”
“I don’t want to be poor.”
“I don’t want to be lonely.”
“I don’t want to be fat.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“I don’t want to die alone.”
“I don’t want to be senile.”

The sad truth is, most people are much better at telling you what they don’t want in life than at telling what they do want in life. What they focus on and think about most is what they don’t want and that becomes their reality.

Can we think your way to sickness? You bet!

Does this hold true for our health? Certainly. Our brain controls every part of our body. The science of biofeedback has conclusively proven that thoughts have the power to control the physical states of our bodies. We can raise or lower our temperature, change our heart rate and blood pressure, and direct blood to different body parts all by our thoughts alone.

Our thoughts can also have devastating effects on our health. The most destructive and toxic element unleashed on the human body is stress. Where does it come from? It’s not a bacterium, a virus, an amoeba, a fungus or mould. Nor is it a burn, trauma or pressure injury. We cannot see it, touch it, cut it, isolate it, weigh it, grow it, inoculate against it or transmit it to another person. It exists only in the mind, but its devastating effects are felt in every physical system of the body.

Stress is produced by what we think of most. Our stressful thoughts manifest themselves in the physical plane and show up in every organ and system.

Most people pay little or no attention to their health until something goes wrong. When the episode passes and the body heals, they often go back to their old habits, thoughts and lifestyles until the next time their body’s defence systems get overwhelmed again. Some, however, heed the warning and start considering and practising disease prevention.

Although this seems like a positive step in the right direction, it can be greatly improved. The problem is we are still focused on disease, even though it is the prevention of disease.

A far more successful strategy would be to focus on wellness. This is not simply semantics. Dominating thoughts of wellness can only lead to wellness.

What are you focussing on?

Do you think any great general in history ever won a battle by focusing on how not to lose?

If your sole goal in life is to accumulate great wealth [I feel sorry for you if it is], do you think there is any chance of attaining it by focusing on how not to be poor. Does the circus performer say to himself, “Don’t fall,” as he steps onto the high wire? Will you ever find love by filling your mind with thoughts of how not to be lonely?

What you think about most becomes your reality. Do not be against illness; rather direct your thoughts toward complete and total wellness and it will become your reality. You possess the power. It’s all in your head.

The post What you think about most becomes your reality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

By the time I started school, I had developed into one very strange little boy. I blurted loud, uncontrollable noises and developed peculiar facial tics, grimaces and head jerks. After every third step, I was compelled to spin in a circle, take three more steps and spin again. It took me forever to get anywhere. That was the start of a long journey.

Over the next two-and-a-half years, I was poked, prodded and percussed by seven different specialists. Then, as a hyperactive 8-year-old, I was confined to an adult institution. I was so tranquilised that I was not even capable of spinning to the bathroom and back.

The final stop on that journey was the child psychiatrist. I sat on a small chair outside his office on the day of the final visit. I could hear every word through the closed door. “I am very sorry to have to tell you this, Mr and Mrs Bardsley, but your son, David, is mentally retarded.” I was stunned.

My parents refused to accept the diagnosis. Instead, they listened to their gut instincts and had the courage to follow them. From that day on, there were no more doctors, clinics or drugs of any find. They understood something the experts didn’t—if you give someone enough support, encouragement and love, there is almost no obstacle or limitation that you can’t help them diminish or overcome.

This means uncovering each child’s unique abilities, no matter how deeply they are hidden, so they can achieve their maximum potential. That is all we can ask of anyone. My parents had to wait 20 years before a correct diagnosis was made: I have Tourette’s syndrome.

Tourette’s is an inherited neurological disorder about which we know very little. It is often grouped with autism, Asperger’s syndrome, ADHD [Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder], OCD [Obsessive-Compulsive disorder] and other behavioural and learning disabilities. There is a widely held belief in the scientific community that all of these disorders are somehow caused by a deficiency or imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain.

Even though this is an unproven theory, psychotropic drugs have shamefully become the first line of treatment for most of these conditions. These powerful drugs change how children think, feel and behave—the very core of who they are. Manufacturers list ‘cognitive dulling’ as a major ‘side effect’ of these drugs.

I am not totally against the use of all psychotropic drugs. They have their place. They should be used only after alternative treatments have proven unsuccessful. These drugs should be used short-term and with a clear, definable goal in mind, to help develop a child’s talents and abilities and not simply to control his behaviour.

I’m not a neuroscientist or behavioural expert. I am the end product of a little boy who grew up in the trenches of dysfunctionality. I know the life-long struggle of always being “different,” and I know what worked for me. It was unyielding support, relentless encouragement, uncompromising love and vigorous physical activity.

Studies show that the only modality that increases and balances all known neurotransmitters is vigorous physical exercise. If it came in pill form, it would be heralded as the mental health drug of all time. What it does for the body is secondary; what it does for the mind is truly remarkable.

No one will ever know your child better than you. Listen to the experts, gather all the information you can, and then trust your gut instincts and have the courage to follow them.

This was first published in the August 2011 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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Forty years ago, cigarette smoking rarely produced feelings of guilt. Quite the contrary; it was considered fashionable and in vogue by many. Yet today, that same smoker is likely to be filled with guilt. Has the moral code changed? Of course, not.

What has changed is that today there is an overwhelming evidence of the devastating effects of tobacco, which was absent earlier. The guilt therefore comes from our understanding that it is harmful and therefore wrong to continue this destructive behaviour. No moral code has been broken.

Overeating when we are young and slim does not violate our moral beliefs and does not produce guilt, but all that changes as the excess pounds accumulate. Our morals remain unchanged.

Forty years ago, cigarette smoking rarely produced feelings of guilt

How it begins

The onset of guilt is more often related to a transgression of our powerful sense of right and wrong. Although this can change as new knowledge appears, much is deeply rooted and firmly established in early childhood. This is unique to one’s upbringing and culture. What is correct and acceptable in one culture, may be completely harmful or wrong in another.

There are times we should welcome guilt, it can be beneficial. This occurs when our conscious mind and subsequent feelings try to protect us from our destructive behaviours such as over-working, under-exercising, stealing or lying.

Guilt can move us to be more careful, better balanced, more caring, thoughtful and understanding. It is a nagging reminder that we need to change a behaviour that is not serving us well. We should welcome guilt on these occasions.

Destructive guilt occurs when this negative feeling is out of proportion to the situation or the occurrence which caused it. This can lead to loss of self confidence and self esteem. Relationships are frequently damaged or destroyed by guilt. The result is a dramatic increase in stress; the most destructive state in which a human can exist.

Guilt can move us to be more careful, better balanced, more caring, thoughtful and understanding

How to resolve guilt

Right the wrong

This is the simplest and most effective method and should be done when the feeling of remorse first appears. The longer we wait, the more the guilt will drain our physical and emotional energy and prevent us from righting the wrong.

Accept responsibility for what you have done. Then, repay the debt, return the property, apologise for your hurtful words and ask for forgiveness. If you cannot locate the person you offended or s/he is no more, apologise to a surrogate on that person’s behalf or write a letter admitting your mistake and ask for forgiveness.

Then, move on. Let it go. Do not keep apologising every time you encounter the person or the same situation. The past is the past, let it go.

Accept responsibility for what you have done

Eliminate self punishment

Self deprecating names and labels serve no positive purpose: never think or say them. “I should have … Why didn’t I…. I’m a really bad person for doing that ….” Labels like these worsen the feelings of self-condemnation and seldom, if ever, lead to a positive change in behaviour.

In almost all cases, the person committing the transgression feels far worse than the recipient. No matter how hard you try, you can never suffer enough guilt or feel miserable enough to change the tiniest detail of something that has occurred in the past. You can, however, make reconciliation and decide never to repeat the behaviour [And stick to that decision].

Stop looking for reasons to feel guilty

Examine the occurrence that produced the guilt. What exactly do I feel bad about? Was it entirely my fault? Were others involved? Was I misinformed? Did I have all the facts and information? If not, would my actions have been any different?

The intention here is not to justify your actions but to realise that there are always complicating issues. No one is perfect. Ask yourself, what did I learn? Unless you learn from the situation, the guilt will return because the behaviour that caused it will also return.

In almost all cases, the person committing the transgression feels far worse than the recipient

Look at the big picture

How important in the big picture of your life is the occurrence that led to the guilt? How will you feel about what happened six months or a year from now? Guilt feelings are almost always out of proportion to the event which caused them.

We all have issues to work through. Some require more effort than others. Our goal is to always stay centred and balanced.

Ask for forgiveness

Ask forgiveness not only from the one you offended but more importantly from whatever God, spirit, intelligence or universal force you believe permeates the universe and controls everything; even your guilt.

The post Are you on a guilt trip? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

I had just finished speaking to a large audience about the remarkable effects of exercise on behaviour, learning and the brain when one of the attendees, Rob, approached me and said, “Dr Bardsley I would like to share a story with you.”

Rob began, “My son Chad never had a learning or behavioural problem. He was a well-adjusted, outgoing boy who always enjoyed school and was a solid B student. All that changed the moment he entered the sixth grade. By the second week, he began complaining of stomach pains and headaches. He became quiet and withdrawn and did not want to attend school. We made two visits to the family physician but he could find no cause for Chad’s symptoms. The physician suggested trying out anti-depressants; we declined. His attendance and grades continued to plummet. His school was the same and he knew most of his teachers and classmates from the previous years. There was no explanation for what was happening and we were extremely worried.

“At the end of the second month, I overheard Chad speaking to someone on the phone. He was saying, ‘Well I guess I’m so fat because I eat too much.’ When he had finished, I asked him who he was talking to. It was his best friend John.

‘What were you talking about,’ I asked.

‘Well, he was asking me why I was so fat, he replied.’

‘Does anyone else ever ask you that?’

‘Yeah, all the kids do.’

“During my summer vacation, I normally took the family on a camping-hiking trip for three weeks. That summer, I worked instead of taking the trip as finances were tight. Chad had spent the summer watching TV, playing video games and hanging out with friends. He had gained 13lbs [about 6kg] on top of his already stocky build and it really stood out. I told him he needed to start exercising and that I would help him with it. I also told him that there would be no more screen time unless he earned it. For each half hour of exercise he would be allowed a half hour of screen time. We decided to start running three mornings a week [Mon-Wed-Fri]. For me, this meant getting up at 5:30 in the morning to be able to reach work on time.

“We mapped out a course of one mile [1.6km]. At first, we had to run-walk-run-walk. It wasn’t Chad who had to walk; it was me. I did not realise how much weight had crept on over the years and just how out of shape I had become. By week three, we were able to run the whole distance. Shortly after, we added another half mile to our course. Gradually, we started running three miles [4.8km]. Then, we concentrated on lowering our time. In just four and a half months, my outgoing happy son was back. No more stomach pain or headaches. He once again enjoyed school and was soon back to being a solid B student.

“His mother and I had no idea that being teased or bullied about his weight could have caused such a dramatic change in his behaviour and personality, but all that was behind us now. Chad had shed 16 lbs [7.2kg], three pounds more than the weight he had gained! And I had lost 18.”

Several members of the audience had gathered around, while Rob told the story. When he finished one of them said, “You’re an amazing father Rob; I don’t think I could ever do that. It would take six alarm clocks just to wake me up at 5:30.” “Actually” said Rob, “I had to set three alarms for the first two months but now I don’t need anything.”

That’s because you have reset your biological clock.” I explained. “No” said Rob, “I still hate getting up that early, but every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5:30am, a small finger pokes me in the shoulder, ‘Get up Dad, it’s time for our run’.”

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