I have immense respect for Alexander Pope’s contribution to literature and spiritual thought and have no doubt that when he wrote this piece of wisdom his intent was to promote love and forgiveness over hatred and resentment. Unfortunately, we tend to use the idea that forgiveness is divine as an excuse not to forgive. “I am not God! I am only human, so I can’t forgive,” say many bitter men and women. To these people I say, there’s nothing divine about forgiveness—it’s an out and out human act.

Why God never forgives

You see, forgiveness becomes necessary only when there is blame. And blame arises out of judgement, which, in turn comes from a belief in duality—good/bad, right/wrong, love/hate, blessing/curse, noble/wicked and so on.

So, while we humans are always censuring this deed and condemning that behavior, I cannot imagine the ‘creator’ doing the same. The creator, if there is one, would be free of judgements and hence incapable of blame.That is why I believe that God cannot forgive. For, where there is no blame, there is no question of forgiveness.

When we elevate forgiveness to the level of the divine, we push it away. We make it an epic phenomenon that is within the reach of only the most evolved men and women. Ironically, such enlightened beings have no need to forgive because they have, like God, ceased to blame.

Nelson Mandela’s story

Former US President Bill Clinton was intrigued by Nelson Mandela’s dignified exit from prison in 1990 after spending 27 years there. Many years later, when he met him, he asked him, “Come on, you were a great man, you invited your jailers to your inauguration, you put your pressures on the government. But tell me the truth. Weren’t you really angry all over again?” And Mandela replied, “Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But,” he continued, “when I felt that anger well up inside of me I realised that if I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.” And he smiled and said, “I wanted to be free so I let it go.”

“It was an astonishing moment in my life. It changed me,” Clinton later wrote about this dialogue.

Mandela’s greatness stems from being able to acknowledge that he is human—he felt anger and fear too. His forgiveness is about freeing himself from the prison of hatred, anger, and bitterness—which purified his heart and took him close to the divine.

Also read » The Prime Beneficiary of Forgiveness Is the One Who Forgives

To forgive is human

Bestselling author and spiritual teacher Dr Wayne Dyer calls our need to forgive a “monumental misperception”. In his view, to which I subscribe wholeheartedly, forgiveness helps us transcend the negative effects of blame—an emotional prison that we escape.

Forgiveness is perhaps among the highest of human acts but it is still human. We always forgive for the sake of our own freedom. So to err is human and to forgive is also human. But to go beyond blame and forgiveness—that is divine.

A version of this article first appeared in the September 2012 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

Last updated on 2^nd August 2024

The post Here’s Why God Never Forgives appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

“Stopping is the basic Buddhist practice of meditation. You stop running. You stop struggling. You allow yourself to rest, to heal, to calm.”

— Thich Nhat Hahn

A long time ago, I read a filler in Reader’s Digest that remains fresh in my memory even today. It went something like this: Every morning, when the sun rises, a gazelle wakes up knowing it must run faster than the fastest lion or it could be killed. Every morning a lion awakens knowing it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. So, it doesn’t matter whether you are a gazelle or a lion, when the sun rises in the east, you had better be running.

Sounds familiar? You bet! There’s something of a lion and a gazelle in each of us. Every morning, when we get up and go about accomplishing tasks and fulfilling duties, we’re either chasing some goal or escaping some responsibility. We’re either fighting the past or struggling to shape the future. We’re either avoiding some pain and or hankering after some pleasure. But whatever it is that we’re doing, we rarely stop to think about it.

An ad campaign for a tea brand used to put this point across aptly when it urged viewers to “wake up” and not just get up every morning. Contemplate the deeper meaning behind this and you will realize that indeed that’s what most of us do—go about our tasks as if blind-folded. We’re so caught up in our lives that rarely do we pause to think about what we’re doing and why.

This New Year, Be Mindful

The beginning of the New Year is a good opportunity to break away from the thoughtless norms. I suggest that this year, instead of making resolutions to chase success or escape temptations, just stop… and think. On second thoughts, don’t even think. Just stop!

Notice your thoughts, past and future, and let go of them gently, becoming aware of the present moment. Clear your mind of all goals. Whenever your catch yourself thinking about running and chasing, just stop and observe that ‘self’. As you do so, focus on your incoming and outgoing breath for a minute or two.

Then, even as you carry on with your daily chores, continue to observe yourself. Stop identifying with your mental chatter and become the witness of your thoughts and feelings, your actions and reactions without judgment or condemnation. As you do this, you will experience a sort of peace descending on your being… a peace you may not have experienced in a long time.

Time to Meet Yourself

It is my conviction that once you experience the peace that comes from simply being, you will feel a subtle transformation. The best part is that this transformation is effortless—no resolutions, no goals, no dogged determination, simply staying in the state of quiet awareness and remaining alert to your thoughts.

As you do this regularly, you’ll probably still continue to chase and run, but you will do it with an awareness—not out of habit or compulsion. Then, even without making it a goal, you will go to that quiet place in your mind often, where you meet yourself.

The post This New Year, Just Stop and Be Mindful appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Psychologists say that stress can be good and bad. At the workplace, good stress is that which is productive because it helps us perform better. Bad stress, on the other hand, is counter-productive because it impedes our performance.

It disturbs me that the latter variety is now accepted as part and parcel of work. In the last two decades, the number of people reporting negative effects of stress at work has gone up more than four times. But, since everyone “suffers” from it, no one seems to be doing anything about it.

The link between stress and health

We ought to understand the link between stress and our health. Bad stress makes us susceptible to all kinds of illnesses—from the less serious common cold to the more severe heart disease, high blood pressure, and strokes. It also leads to alcoholism, over-eating, drug addiction, smoking, depression, and other harmful behaviours.

In spite of these adverse outcomes of stress, most of us accept it as a price we must pay for survival and/or success. Is stress inevitable? Can’t we have a stress-free working environment? Can’t we enjoy our work, and experience no bad stress at all? I believe we can.

The key to making work stress-free

De-linking our work from stress is vital for our health and happiness. For work to be genuinely stress-free, it is first important that we enjoy it. When we spend our time doing what we don’t particularly enjoy for most part of day, it’s bound to cause stress.

According to Elizabeth Scott, who coaches people on effective stress management, “It’s important that you’re spending your days doing something where you feel challenged [but not overwhelmed], appreciated [but not desperately needed to the point that you can’t take a day off], and where your strengths are being utilised, among other things. Without these and other key factors, you can be at risk for burnout.”

So if you feel stressed at work often, it’s time to reflect and ask if you’re enjoying your work. If the answer is no, acknowledge the need for a change. You may change your working style or manage your days better. Or you may want to switch jobs—or even fields! One way or the other, what’s important is that you enjoy your work.

The post The key to making your work stress-free appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Every relationship based upon this rule is guaranteed to glitter, be it between spouses, siblings, friends, businessmen, corporations and even entire nations.

Unfortunately, simple as it is to understand, the Golden Rule is not as widely followed. What is far more rampantly practised instead is another twisted, pernicious, tit-for-tat rule—treat others like others treat you! I call this the Rusty Rule. Rusty, because all it does is corrode the bonds it touches. It fuels such feelings as revenge, retaliation, punishment and justice at any cost. And the result is for all to see. For instance, one country bullies the other [flouts The Golden Rule], and the other responds in like manner [applies The Rusty Rule] and soon we have a full-blown war where everyone loses. But in spite of it being a lose-lose proposition, almost everyone defends the Rusty Rule, forgetting entirely that eye for an eye can only make the whole world blind.

A lose-lose proposition

A case in point is the 2012 tragic incident—a spat between Chadha brothers Hardeep and Gurdeep [Ponty] turned violent with both getting killed at their New Delhi farmhouse, a property that was apparently under dispute. According to news reports, while Hardeep shot his own brother in a fit of rage, he was in turn shot by Gurdeep’s personal security guards.

Clearly, not only the Golden Rule was flouted, the Rusty Rule was applied forcefully. The Chadha brothers became sworn enemies of each other—because each wanted to be treated in a way that he was not willing to treat the other. My guess is that even if one of them would have followed The Golden Rule, they would still be living. What’s more, in all likelihood, the other would have come around too, sooner or later, and the dispute would’ve resolved amicably.

While most of us are, thankfully, not involved in any major feud like the Chadha brothers, we do have ample opportunities in our daily lives to apply the Golden Rule. More often than not though, we end up following the Rusty Rule automatically when we react to others’ thoughts, deeds and actions. So many serious conflicts will be averted and so many relationships will be saved if only more of us adopt the Golden Rule as the default setting when dealing with others.

Put yourself in the other’s position

Do not underestimate the transformational power of the Golden Rule. Besides being the most effective way to forge lasting and meaningful bonds, it’s the best defuser of potentially explosive situations. How about trying out the Golden Rule in your life—with your family, at work, or even in traffic? If someone makes a mistake, even if it’s a terrible one by your standards, stop for a few moments, and try putting yourself in his/her position. Ask yourself: how would I like to be treated if I had committed the same mistake? Then proceed to treat the other accordingly.

Of course, we ought to remember also that we have no control over others. Which means, even if you follow the Golden Rule, the other may not reciprocate in kind. But that should not dissuade you from putting it into practice. For it may not change the other but it will transform you in ways you may not have imagined. And it will bring you peace of mind even as it fills your life with fresh energy.

The post Why we need the Golden Rule appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Then a few years ago, at a mini school re-union, I learned that Rishi had passed away. What was most disheartening was that in his last few years, he was forced to live on the streets, completely broke, living on charity of his erstwhile neighbors and acquaintances.

This news disconcerted me and I started doing some digging into his life when I found an old article about him in a prominent Mumbai newspaper. It reported that Rishi’s father had died leaving him clueless about the business. Rishi was left with only his father’s debt and a crushed spirit.

Being Broke Is Temporary

As I ponder the life and death of my dear friend, I wonder what could’ve prevented the disastrous turn of events in his life.

Perhaps the answer can be found in Michael Todd’s powerful words: “I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being broke is temporary. Being poor is a state of mind.” An American theater and film producer, and erstwhile husband of Elizabeth Taylor, Michael’s business career was volatile, and his failed ventures left him bankrupt several times. However, that didn’t stop him from continuing to try.

Life is unpredictable. Even the most competent among us can face an unexpected crisis—financial turmoil, sudden loss of job or a health emergency—anything. Whether we recover from it depends on our having the one wealth that really matters: spirit. Without spirit, even the greatest talent is useless.

Let me explain this in terms of money. Most people who are born poor think of poverty as a curse. They often equate poverty with lack of money. But poverty is never about money. There are scores of examples of people who, although born in ‘poor’ circumstances, have risen to create unimaginable wealth.

Real Wealth

Ask any wealthy man what his real wealth is and it’s a good bet that he will point to something other than his bank balance or financial assets. When Dhirubhai Ambani was asked what he attributed his success to, he thumped his chest and said “Courage”. Courage is really a form of spirit. Spirit can take any form—passion, enthusiasm, determination, faith, creativity.

When a rich man loses his spirit he loses everything—even his money. And when a poor man’s spirit is ignited, nothing can keep him from getting rich.

There’s only one kind of poverty then—the poverty of spirit. When we become de-spirited, we become poor. Conversely, when our spirits are intact, our wealth can never leave us, even when we’re broke.

The post Being Broke Is Temporary But Being Poor Is a State of Mind appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

For a while, the cat was happy and relieved but soon he became afraid of a ferocious dog in the neighborhood. So he again sought the miracle man, who turned him into a dog. But the dog began to fear the panther who lived in the nearby cave. So this time the magician turned the dog into a panther thinking that this was the last time he’d see the distraught creature. But it was not to be. The panther, with all its strength and abilities, still lived in fear—of the hunter. When the miracle man learned this, he turned the panther back into a mouse, saying, “Nothing I do for you is going to be of any help because you have the heart of a mouse.”

This allegory has a deep lesson for those of us who, like the mouse, are always afraid. So many of us live in perpetual fear: fear of not having enough, fear of illness and death, fear of rejection, fear of losing their loved ones, fear of failure, and even fear of success!

It’s An Internal Matter

People try to protect themselves from threatening situations and circumstances by building a cocoon around them. What they don’t realize is that no matter what they do to change their circumstances, their terror will not go away. That’s because, it resides inside their heart.

The mouse in our story never learned this lesson. He kept seeking external solutions to an internal problem, changing his form while his essence remained unchanged. Each transformation brought temporary relief, but the underlying fear persisted because he never examined what was happening within.

The real problem is with the irrational fear of uncertainty that keeps us wanting to cling to everything in our lives—money, possessions, relationships, reputation, you name it. The miracle man is reminding us that this fear has little to do with the outer world. We may acquire good health, lots of wealth, and a great social standing—but will continue to live in fear unless we strengthen our hearts. In other words, we may acquire the body of a lion, but it’s of no use if we continue to have the heart of a mouse.

To be sure, I am not referring to the instinctive, physiological fears that all of us feel when we sense physical danger. Such fears are necessary—they helps us identify and stay away from legitimate threats.

How To Deal With Fear

The only way out of the cage of your fears is to face your mental and emotional insecurities—your personal demons—head on. When you do so, they disappear, leaving you free as a bird. This happens because up close, you see the fears for what they are—an illusion created by your thinking.

When left unexamined, fear becomes your master. It dictates your choices, limits your possibilities, and keeps you small. But when you turn toward it with curiosity rather than avoidance, you discover that the monster you’ve been running from is nothing more than a shadow on the wall.

Seen from this perspective, the miracle man’s final act wasn’t cruelty—it was wisdom. By returning the creature to its original form, he was saying that true strength cannot be given; it must be cultivated from within. The heart of a mouse will always find something to fear, no matter how powerful the body that houses it.

You have a choice, then: you can continue to live as mice, scurrying from one fear to another, or you can do the deeper work of transforming your heart into one that is much more courageous.

Try this next time fear grips you

Instead of panicking or running for cover, stay with the feeling—allow it to immerse you in its flavour. Observe the feeling without condemning or judging it. Try to touch it, feel it, smell it. What’s the texture? Does it have any color? Any taste? Like Pema Chödrön would say, get intimate with your fear. Get to know it inside-out. Doing so will strengthen your heart and fortify your spirit, and fear will never again be your nemesis.

Here’s a Step-by-Step Guide to Dealing With Fear

Freedom from fear isn’t complex, but it does requires persistence. Here’s how I suggest you begin:

1. Don’t escape. The moment you feel fear rising, resist your first instinct to escape. This is where most people fail—they immediately look for distractions or ways to avoid the discomfort. Instead, plant your feet and stay put.

2. Turn toward the fear. Face it directly. Look at it the way you would examine an interesting object. What does this fear actually feel like in your body? Where do you sense it most strongly?

3. Get curious, not critical. Don’t judge yourself for being afraid. Don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Simply observe what’s happening. Is your heart racing? Are your palms sweating? Notice these sensations without trying to change them.

4. Get behind your fear. What does it want to protect you from? What story is it telling you? Often, you’ll discover that your fear is based on something that might happen, not something that’s actually happening right now.

5. Breathe with it. Don’t breathe to make the fear go away. Breathe to stay present with it. Each breath is a way of saying, “I can handle this feeling.”

6. Practice regularly. Start with smaller fears before tackling the bigger ones. Each time you face a fear instead of running from it, you strengthen your heart a little more.

The goal isn’t to eliminate fear—it’s to change your relationship with it. When you stop being afraid of fear itself, you develop the heart of a lion.

Last updated on 15^th July 2025

The post The Real Source of Fear (And How to Face It) appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What are the most pressing areas of concern in your life right now? Is it money worries that keep you awake at night? Or is it your health that troubles you? Is your work situation giving you heartburn? Select your top three concerns and write them down. Be specific. Now write down your thoughts about these issues. Do you feel stuck in your job, and have been considering quitting but haven’t taken that big, bold step? Have you been thinking of embarking on a fitness programme but you just don’t seem to get going? What do you think is holding you back?

Are they sabotaging your life?

Many of us may be tempted to blame anything—from the lack of time, to the pressure of family duties and responsibilities, to the economic situation of the nation or even luck. But, there’s one factor that you have probably not considered, which is very likely contributing a great deal to your ‘stuckness’. It is your social environment. We take on the thoughts and characteristics of those around us, unknowingly.

Think of the people with whom you spend most of your time—your friends, co-workers, spouse, anyone. Chances are, these people have been sabotaging your dreams. Now don’t get me wrong—they may be well-meaning people, who only have your best interests in their hearts. But their beliefs and behaviours influence your reality much more than you realise. And the reverse is also true—you project beliefs onto others as well. That’s why success guru Jim Rohn—a man who influenced such inspiring people like Anthony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Brian Tracy and Mark Victor Hansen—said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

It’s not difficult to see that our attitudes and behaviours are influenced by the company we keep. If you prefer healthy food but all your associates like junk, you are more likely to consume junk too; if you’re always with those who gossip, you will unknowingly participate in gossiping, even if you don’t want to; if your friends are risk-averse, chances are that you too will buy in their ideas of security; on the other hand, if they are unduly adventurous, that too is likely to reflect in your decisions.

The company you keep

So if you want to change some aspect of your life that you think isn’t reflecting your deepest desires, it’s time you reviewed the company you keep. I’m not suggesting that you resign all your friends, divorce your wife/husband or stop interacting with your co-workers. That would be absurd. But what you can do is observe the influence of other people on your life and stop associating with them in areas where you think they may hinder your progress. Avoid eating out with those whose food preferences don’t match with yours; resist sharing your dreams with those who are too practical or conservative.

And, whenever you wish to bring in a positive change in your life, make sure you share your thoughts and ideas only with those who reflect your way of thinking and living; likewise, learn about their ideas.

Let’s say you want to try your hand at entrepreneurship. No business school or best-selling book can teach you the nuances of business as effectively as the company of successful businessmen. So, the best thing to do is spend as much time as possible with successful businessmen. Isn’t that what Napolean Hill meant when he said, “Men take on the nature and the habits and the power of thought of those with whom they associate in a spirit of sympathy and harmony”?

The post Feeling stuck in life? Check the company you keep appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

So many parents push and goad their children to study hard and score as high as possible in their exams. This behaviour stems from the all-pervasive belief that academic performance guarantees a successful career—a belief that leads many parents to want their children to be the next ‘Albert Einstein’. What they probably don’t know is that Einstein himself was a rebel and didn’t follow any of his parents’ plans for him.

Einstein had a deep distaste for enforced learning, and was known to skip many of his college lectures. He often felt that formal education interfered with his natural desire to learn and explore. Indeed, the genius was severely critical of the exam-based education system and once even remarked, “It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry, for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wrack and ruin without fail. It is a grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty”.

While they have the best intentions for their children, many parents forget that learning cannot be imposed

Einstein wasn’t alone in his views about learning. The great physicist Galileo said, “You cannot teach anybody anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves.” And Bertrand Russell, the Nobel Prize winning British philosopher, said, “Children who are forced to eat acquire a loathing for food and children who are forced to learn acquire a loathing for knowledge”.

While they have the best intentions for their children, many parents forget that learning cannot be imposed. By doing so, they may succeed in making their child score high, but at the cost of true learning. It’s worthwhile to remember that Einstein’s monolithic contributions to science were not the result of his gruelling academic pursuit but his intrinsic love for science. The key word here is ‘love’.

As parents, your best efforts are in helping your children discover what they love doing—with patience and encouragement. If you take a leaf from nature, you’ll provide your children with what they need—and then sit back to watch them grow into the best version of themselves.

The post Let your children grow into the best version of themselves appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

It so happened that one of my friends asked me about my fascination for astrology. Now astrology was a subject of great interest and curiosity to me in my high school and college days. I had studied it in detail and my friends of the time knew about my interest and often made fun of it. This friend, a hard core student of science, and one who never believed in ‘esoteric’ things like astrology, carried in his mind an ancient image of me. What was annoying to me was that I could not do much to shake up that image, even though the present me had little resemblance to it. (Read No Fault in our Stars to know how I see astrology today)

Of course, the time we spent that day was too short to transform our perceptions of each other, which seemed frozen in time. But I realised one thing: just as others may harbour fixed perceptions of me, I too carry old and outdated ideas and perceptions about the others in my life. And, just like I have changed radically over the years, so may have others—for better or for worse.

We change

When we judge other people in our lives—friends, family, co-workers, business associates—we refer to their past actions in order to predict their future behaviour. In other words, we expect people to live up to the image about them in our minds. What’s worse, most of us do the same with ourselves. We carry a self-image based on our past thoughts and actions, and then expect ourselves to repeat the same thoughts and behaviours, ad infinitum.

I have seen that our prejudices often come in the way of sorting out differences and strengthening our relationships. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that people remain the same throughout their lives. But people can, and often do, change.

Ancient texts across all cultures of the world are full of stories of cruel-hearted, mean-spirited men evolving into compassionate beings, who dedicated their lives to the service of the others. In my opinion, the scriptures employed stories of dacoits becoming saints with the purpose of showing us hope. Upon reflection, you will see that these stories urge us to drop our prejudices—about self and others—and embrace openness to possibilities.

Drop your prejudices

We humans are gifted with an amazing grace of self-awareness, which allows us to grow and evolve. Using this gift, we change several times during the course of our lifetimes. By insisting that people are prisoners of their nature, we impose needless limitations on ourselves and our loved ones, suppressing the beautiful growth and transformation that each of us can experience, naturally.

Here’s a suggestion: how about trying a new, prejudice-free approach? Just for today, consciously drop all old perceptions. When you interact with others, see them with a new pair of eyes, and detect the difference. I have a feeling you might be in for a pleasant surprise.

The post Refresh your perceptions appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

If you’re like most, your list may contain items like a loving spouse, obedient children, good health, a decent salary [or profits, if you’re a businessman], a more understanding boss, more hardworking subordinates, amiable neighbours, a safer city, a better government, a cleaner environment and so on…

Once you’re done, go over your list and put a cross against the items that, in your opinion, are missing from your life right now. It’s a good bet that the more the number of crosses, the more powerless you feel, and the greater is the misery quotient in your life.

Why entitlement is wrong

Entitlement, by definition, is a ‘right’. But in my reckoning it’s totally wrong. If you reflect a bit, you will realise that by feeling entitled, you’re giving your power to others. How? By insisting that ‘they’ behave in a manner that pleases you, and when they don’t, you feel hurt, frustrated and angry, blaming others for your despair.

Every time someone speaks to you rudely, treats you ‘unfairly’ or does a myriad things that you think you don’t deserve, it’s because of your feeling of entitlement.

It’s actually quite easy to spot entitlement in your daily life. Simply watch out when you use words like ‘should’ ‘must’, ‘ought to’, ‘need to’, ‘got to’, ‘have to’, and the like. Whenever you do, know that a feeling of entitlement is lurking beneath somewhere, no matter how justified you think your ‘demand’ is. Because, at the heart of entitlement is this phenomenon called demandingness, which is nothing but insisting that the world owes us our happiness.

Allow it to unfold

Here’s a promise: the quality of your life will improve immediately if you shorten your list of entitlements. Try it for yourself. Make a decision to give up some of your entitlements and see the difference.

Let me assure you that letting go of entitlements does not mean giving up all hope. It only means that you go from expecting to accepting.

When you accept reality the way it is, you begin to view others as well as situations in an objective manner. You then begin to understand that while it is wonderful to receive love and respect, get a fair boss or a competent government, demanding the same only puts you in the corner. Acceptance is smarter and wiser—you do whatever is in your control, and let go, allowing the world to unfold the way it has to. Because you know it will, regardless of your demands that it do otherwise.

In truth, we are entitled to nothing. Those who realise this essential truth lose all need to control and manipulate others or insist that the reality be any different than what it is. Such people have traded their entitlement for enlightenment—a clever deal, I’d say.

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