The problem with such an idea is that most people often mistake solitude for loneliness and do not really understand what it entails, and why it should not be considered as a bad thing. So what is solitude then?

Understanding solitude

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines it as “a state or situation in which you are alone usually because you want to be”. The end of this sentence is the most important part: solitude is a conscious decision, a self-imposed temporary exile from the dizzying speed of the modern world. It means deliberately turning your back on outside stimuli in order to get some well-deserved “me” time.

Trying to avoid solitude at any cost is one of the most common pitfalls in life, and actually does more harm than good.

Why solitude is good for your wellbeing

When you have the entire world at your fingertips through a mouse click on your computer or an app on your phone, you are never truly alone unless you make a conscious decision to take some time out and deliberately ignore the constant stream of information and notifications that can turn your life into a wild dance of unbearable rhythm.

Any time spent in solitude is a fertile soil for introspection, to think about life-defining decisions, or simply to evacuate excessive amounts of stress. When you are alone with yourself you become the centre of your own universe, standing in a thick bubble that keeps you away from outside stimuli. Most people already do it instinctively from time to time. We have all had moments where we cancelled a night out or a scheduled appointment for no apparent reason, just because it did not feel right.

But while we all sometimes feel the urge to take a step back, if you are not really conscious of what you are doing and why, you might miss out on some of the most positive benefits you could draw from such an experience, which then turns into nothing more than a delaying tactic against the assaults of your everyday life.

Once you have learned to recognise this craving for solitude for what it is, it is surprisingly easy to put that time to good use and turn it into an essential and extremely beneficial way of life. Self-awareness of the process you are going through can do wonders for your physical and mental health.

The vital role of meditation

Meditation might be one of the best ways to use that alone time to recenter yourself and restore the balance that went off-track. Move to a room with as much space as possible, lock all the doors and dim the lights, put on some relaxing music, and just let yourself go. Try to clear your mind of any thought, it might be hard at first but practice will make it easier in time. Imagine that every stray thought is an intruder, like a door-to-door salesman ringing the bell on your day off, so just ignore it until it walks away.

When your mind is blank, it turns into an impressively strong battery for your inner energy, restoring your lost potential and putting you back on track with your life. Take as much time as you need. Once you are satisfied with yourself, it is time to open your mind to the outside world again.

This is when meditation should turn into introspection. When your mind is in a blank state and your brain starts sending back thoughts and signals again, try to “catch” every important thought and topic of your life as it comes rushing in. Take a step back from each of them, and try to objectively analyse what is going right, and what is going wrong. Meditation left you overflowing with energy, so it will be easier for you to determine what you could do to improve any situation or dilemma in your life.

Once you recognise your own need for solitude and time spent away from the world, you will also be better prepared for it and will not waste that alone time procrastinating, or letting yourself be drawn by the lure of instant distractions brought by the endless possibilities of the Internet. Try to focus your time on what you actually enjoy doing, watching one of your favorite movies or reading a good book with a warm cup of tea. Try to maximise the benefits that this experience will yield, and you will emerge from your bubble with more confidence and strength than you thought possible.

The benefits of solitude

1. A clear head
2. Body and mind both balanced and at rest
3. A strength that comes from within to help you cope with any stress from the outside world.

These are the main benefits of solitude once you have learned how to see it and use it as a tool and ally rather than another obstacle in your path. Solitude is not the same thing as loneliness, and in a world that keeps changing and evolving faster and faster, where it is so easy to feel lost in a crowd, even when you are surrounded with friends and loved ones, it is a life preserver that can prevent you from drowning in a world of overwhelming information.

People who spend every single moment interacting with friends, colleagues, and family can sometimes be some of the loneliest people in the world. Do not let torrents of information and stimuli make you lose your sense of self. Loneliness and stress can be overcome simply by embracing your primal and very human need for solitude. Make the most of it, and even when you are alone you will never be lonely.

The post Why solitude is good for your wellbeing appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Ground yourself

When you feel like your thoughts are racing and you can’t think clearly, or you find yourself acting without thinking things through, it can be helpful to spend a few moments actively grounding yourself. If you are wearing high heels or tight shoes, remove them discreetly and place both your feet on the floor. Make sure your body weight is evenly divided and send all your mental energy down your body. Feel the solid ground under your feet.

Unplug

These days, we simply have too much stimulation happening at once. Try to unplug and put away all your gadgets for at least five minutes and just be in silence without screens, phones, music, documents or other things that require you to take in new information. Rest in this space where you can process what is already on your plate, without having to take in even more.

Journal

When feeling stressed, it is easy to get caught up in what is right in front of you, and lose track of your values and what is really important. Journaling is a great and easy way to reconnect with yourself to instantly feel calmer. One great practice is to write in a stream-of-consciousness where you set a timer for 5 – 10 minutes and write continuously about what is on your mind until the timer beeps. Another simple practice for instant calmness is to write a list of what is worrying you, or what you have to remember. Keep the list close and add to it throughout your day. Remind yourself that you don’t have to think about these things right now, and that you will deal with them later.

Put away all your gadgets for at least five minutes and just be in silence without screens, phones, music, documents or other things

Connect with nature

If you have a lunch break or 10 minutes to spare, try to spend it connecting with nature. For maximum impact, go outside to get some air, feel the sun on your skin or take a short walk in a park or green area.

If going outside isn’t an option for you, you could keep a plant or flowers on your desk, a stone or seashell in your drawer, or even listen to soundtracks of birds or the ocean. Nature can help give you a break from the stressful environment and quickly calm you down.

Breathe

Research on deep mindful breathing shows immediate benefits for your physical and mental health. However, you probably already know how relaxing and calming it feels when you inhale deeply, hold for a few seconds, and exhale mindfully. If you have five to ten minutes to fully devote to focused breathing that’s wonderful, but remember that this is a simple tool you can use any time, anywhere. Great places to stop and breathe are in the elevator, at the water cooler, in your car, or discreetly through your nose to calm yourself down during a busy meeting.

Spend some time alone

With population growth, urbanisation and the highly debatable efficiency of open space work areas, we rarely spend time alone any more. However, as with unplugging, spending just a tiny amount of time alone can work wonders on your body and mind, giving them a pause from overwhelming sensory stimulation and information. If you don’t have many places to be alone, try the balcony, the staircase, library or a coffee shop in your neighbourhood.

If you have 10 minutes to spare, spend it connecting with nature

Soothe your senses

Using your senses and stimulating them in a soothing way is a simple and flexible strategy to instantly feel calmer. On the go, try a drop or two of essential oil on your wrists, a piece of dark chocolate, or play your favourite song. If you have a little more time, create a visually relaxing environment, and give yourself a massage. Small and easy strategies like these can help a lot, especially over time when you form a stronger association between the sensory input and the relaxation response.

Move your body

Physical activity is great to relieve stress. And no, you don’t need to do a full workout. Even a few minutes of stretching, soft yoga or getting up from your desk to walk around the office can help you relax. In her TED talk, psychologist Amy Cuddy from Harvard Business School suggests that just a few simple tweaks to your body language can change your body’s chemistry and balance hormones.

The next time you feel your calmness fly out the window, try one of these simple practices. Only by experimenting with different tools can you find something that works for you. And don’t forget, when you’re in the need of a little extra feeling of control in your busy day, raise your arms above your head in a “winner” pose. The theory is, if you use your body as if you are confident and relaxed, chances greatly improve that you will be.

The post 8 simple practices to regain calmness on a busy day appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Are you living life through the pixilated gauze of a computer screen? Are your conversations with others conducted mostly by keyboard? Does your travel consist of looking at photographs in a magazine? Are your adventures played out vicariously on a game console? Are you more familiar with TV characters than your own neighbours?

As ingenious as technology may be, it can’t replace flesh and blood, fresh air, natural sights, sounds, smells, and physical activity. And you need that. More than you think. Constantly living one step removed from reality, you can easily lose touch with it. And fall victim to the stress, anxiety and isolation of physical detachment. You’ve got to get out more. Be with real people, see real things, and experience live events. There’s no substitute.

2. Take a tech holiday

Spend a day unplugged. No cell phones, TVs, computers, video games, DVDs, personal stereos, [and this is tough] PDAs, or other digitally fed distractions. Instead, strive to have face-to-face conversations, read books, take walks, play with the kids, visit friends, or just sit quietly and think. Find out how soothing and restorative it is to be UNconnected once in a while. And how refreshing it is to take a break from our growing dependency on these devices, which are meant to be tools, not ends in themselves. Keep technology in its proper perspective. And your humanity first and foremost.

3. Lose an argument

That’s right, lose an argument. When was the last time you looked someone squarely in the face and said, “You know, you’re right. I’m wrong. Thanks for straightening me out.” Hard to do, isn’t it? We’d sooner cling to a worthless position than admit we’re in error. But a humbling concession now and then is a great relief. Because it removes the onerous pressure of trying to defend a flawless facade. An image that fools no one. And displays weakness rather than character. [Don’t we see it every day in our politicians?] Lose an argument. Show humility. You’ll gain a lot more respect and credibility.

As ingenious as technology may be, it can’t replace flesh and blood, fresh air, natural sights, sounds, smells, and physical activity

4. Spend time near the water

Whether it’s a stroll along the river, eating lunch by a pond in the park, weekending at a scenic lake, or vacationing by the sea… the mere sight and presence of water is a wonderful balm to a stressed-out soul. Let its naturally soothing effects ease your concerns and freshen your outlook. Let its shimmering expanse free you of the narrowed perspective of a frenzied routine. If, like most people, you’re drawn to water, follow those instincts. It’s nature’s very own tranquiliser.

5. Have more fun in bed

So advised a popular mattress ad. And they had a point. You don’t need a study [like the one mentioned below] to tell you that a healthy sex life can reduce stress. As much as a lack of sex can aggravate it. But today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought. Sometimes overlooked entirely. This is obviously unhealthy for the relationship. Which adds to even greater stress. Now, the study. According to the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh, a healthy sex life can make you look up to seven years younger, lead to greater contentment and help you sleep better. Why argue? Light the candle, draw the shades and…

6. Observe other people under stress

Notice how they rush things. How tense and wound up they can get. How they’re always apologising for falling behind or making mistakes. How they never seem to be in control, bouncing from one thing to the next, leaving loose ends and unfinished business in their wake. That may be YOU! Or where you’re headed.

So study people under stress and think about how they could improve their lives. [We’re always better at critiquing others, aren’t we?] Then apply that counsel to your own life. You can learn a lot about yourself simply by observing others.

Today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought

7. Don’t put off that difficult phone call

You know you have to make that call. To appease an unhappy client. To confront another with a serious accusation. To solicit a donation from a skinflint. To ask someone out. To discuss a sensitive issue. To turn someone down. It’s not easy to do so. But it has to be done. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. And the more the anxiety builds. So take a breath. Bite the bullet. Make the call. You’ll feel a whole lot better when it’s done.

8. Entertaining is supposed to be fun, remember?

When you throw a dinner party or host a get-together, it’s not an audition, you’re not on trial and your guests aren’t judges and juries. Yet that’s how you might see it—something to fret about, even dread. Which, if you’re worried things won’t go well, will all but assure it. Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about inviting people into your home and making them feel welcome and comfortable. If you’re tense and unsure, that’s what they’ll pick up on. [How many times have you attended a tautly wound event and had a perfectly lousy time?] So make it fun. Be casual, gracious, spontaneous. You’ll be a hit, and so will your party.

9. Don’t be a slave to your image

How much unnecessary stress, excessive work and lost time with loved ones do you incur in the name of how you look to others? Are where you live, what you drive, how you dress, and whom you socialise with, dictated more by what’s best for you and your family… or by the image you want to project? Carefully scrutinise your motives. You may find that a simpler lifestyle within your means might leave you with less of what impresses others… but more of what makes your life easier, happier and more fulfilling.

When you throw a dinner party or host a get-together, it’s not an audition, you’re not on trial and your guests aren’t judges and juries

10. Don’t trust yourself when you’re upset

You’re furious at someone. Flustered by an embarrassing thing you did. Or upset about a serious blunder you made. In that distressed state, you’re unfocussed, distracted, likely to make costly errors and thus compound the misery you’re feeling. In those situations, it’s wise to consciously slow down and proceed with caution, as if navigating a ship through perilous waters. Even better, don’t attempt anything important or complicated until you’ve had a chance to calm and collect yourself. You can’t see clearly when you’re seeing red.

11. Turn off the music once in a while

You don’t always have to have the radio going in the house and car. The constant drone of music, talk and noise can grow monotonous, be distracting, interrupt your thought process, and become a stressful irritant you’re not even aware of. Take a break now and then. Click off the radio and see how naturally relaxing, soothing and refreshing a little quiet can be. And how peaceful it is to hear yourself think.

12. Look beyond appearances to find the good in people

How callously we judge others based solely on superficial qualities! What someone wears, how they talk, where they live, or what they drive has little to do with their underlying goodness and the emotions they feel. But in our rushed and impatient dealings—to our detriment—we hastily slot people into categories and judge them accordingly.

Think of all the people you’re intimate with today you first estimated unfairly, maybe even joked about, based on outward appearances. Imagine what you’d have lost… when you can’t get beyond stereotyping. The easiest way to accept others is to know them, to discover the person inside. You’ll find that inwardly most people share similar beliefs and aspirations. You want others to understand who you are. At least afford them the same courtesy.

Excerpted with permission from 400 Ways To Stop Stress Now by G Gaynor McTigue. Published by Jaico Books

The post A dozen sure-shot ways to dissolve stress appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Play is a state of mind

Play is a state of mind, yet more so it is also a state of body, emotion and spirit. Living in today’s world with so many demands on our time, it is difficult for most to fathom taking time out to play. We have been conditioned from a very young age to “grow up” and become responsible adults. Remember when you sat in class and were told to stop day dreaming and focus on learning so you could get good grades and become someone? What happened to that kid? To the person you were born to be? Over time, enculturation took over and conditioned you away from play and into a dutiful adult with no time allowed for recreational activities.

The silent killer is the responsible adult

Meet Dimitra, mother of two children, owner of multiple businesses, an attorney, and a yoga instructor. The responsibilities of wearing many hats had Dimitra running from her life when I met her. She was living in a town that drained her spiritual energy; she was trying to escape at any opportunity to avoid the boredom that her soul was crying out against.

We have been conditioned from a very young age to “grow up” and become responsible adults

Brief escapes were temporary solutions to what was brewing inside. She was running from the many pains that her childhood conditioning was causing. She couldn’t fail at her businesses so she had to keep striving to make them better to make more money; she couldn’t be away from her children because she had to be a good mother and be there every day after school for her children.

We can’t escape pain by running from it

Adults should play all the way up to the last breath. Play allows us to engage with our authentic self without self-imposed or cultural judgements. We were born into this life fully engaged and connected to our fullest expression until the world started teaching us how to shut down, constrict and disconnect from what makes each of us unique.

Play allows us to engage with our authentic self without self-imposed or cultural judgements

Marketing in our culture is set up to get you focussed on your pain and then to move you away from it. What we know through the law of attraction is that what we focus on, we get more of. Thus, by talking about our pains and what we don’t want to experience, we are actually creating more pain, or the exact thing we don’t want. We can never escape pain by running from it. Moving away from pain is an illusion. It keeps the past in our present and future.

Pleasure seeking is not something we are taught

Play gives access to a differently ordered space and time. Through engaging in the act of play we begin to be fully present in the moment and open to infinite potential. When Dimitra was able to stop running from the pain and begin to tune into her authentic self, she was able to remember things about herself that she enjoyed and wanted to do more of. Focussing on pleasurable experiences that you wish to experience opens you up to new possibilities and allows for the Universe to conspire on your behalf to make them happen.

We can never escape pain by running from it

Re-creational activities are fuel for your soul

When travel to her home country of Greece was impossible due to the country’s economic situation, Dimitra could have stopped there and had a miserable summer. Instead, she booked her summer trip to somewhere she had never been. Her month long adventure began on the Caribbean Island of St Croix with her family as she explored the island and enjoyed learning the island culture. She expanded her passion for cooking in exciting new ways because she was limited to the food of the island—by necessity she became a creative chef on a two burner hot plate. She produced amazing gourmet meals from the fresh fish her kids caught snorkelling and the local produce. She played with everyone at home too by sharing all the sights and sounds of St Croix via social media to everyone back home.

Play lightens our load

Dimitra’s excitement ignited thousands of people who were enjoying her trip through photos of gorgeous beaches and foods, along with videos of crab races and steel drum music. Many were wishing they were there because she was so engaged during her playtime. Her energy was extremely contagious because it was so vibrant. She was authentic and true to herself.

At play, we are all children. Unburdened by consciousness or self-consciousness, we are fully in the moment. Suffused with pleasure, we exult in the sheer lightness of being. Yet, as welcoming and wonderful as those feelings are, play’s value among adults is too often vastly underrated. It refreshes us and recharges us; it restores our optimism; it changes our perspective, stimulating creativity; it renews our ability to accomplish the work of the world.

At play, we are all children. Unburdened by consciousness or self-consciousness, we are fully in the moment

Play is an opening to our very being

But there is also new evidence that play does much more. It may in fact be the highest expression of our humanity, both imitating and advancing the evolutionary process. Play appears to allow our brains to exercise their very flexibility, to maintain and even renew the neural connections that embody our human potential to adapt and meet varied environmental conditions. Play is an opening to our very being.

When Dimitra’s family departed and headed back stateside, she remained and a girlfriend joined her for a week. Now she used the knowledge she gained in the previous week about the island to become tour guide and hostess sharing her gifts. All this time she was at play just with a new adult twist instead of family play. She was able to explore the island from a new perspective of rum, dancing and of course, shopping—a girl’s favourite pastime.

Play is a way to open up and take risks and go into unexplored territories

Play from the boardroom to the bedroom

We learn a lot about ourselves and others through play. Relationships and how we interact with others remain a constant in our personal and professional lives. If we are absent and disconnected from our co-workers, we will be so from our partner also. The mirror of life will reflect how we engage with our playmates in all arenas. If we eventually see ourselves as unappreciative or controlling at work, generally we are that way at home too. Play is a way to open up and take risks and go into unexplored territories. It opens up the brain and connects the heart into a more coherent state. Playing with others on the playground of life creates intimacy in ways that will help us learn more about ourselves.

The wonderful thing about playing is that everyone is successful at it. Don’t just use playtime to test or stretch your workday. Play is a time to feel good about yourself and each other—and to just have fun together. Perhaps, most important of all, play is fun. Years later, when we recall our life, it is the happy times spent playing with special people that we will remember most fondly.

The post It pays to play (and it costs dearly not to) appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

“What will happen to work when I am gone? How will it go on?” We tend to build these questions towards disastrous consequences and convince ourselves that we are indispensable. We find contentment in remaining ‘switched on’ 24×7 but see catastrophe in even daring to think about switching off for a few days. Over the years, I have learnt that no one is indispensable, and guess what? If that weren’t the truth, then one would be as afraid of taking a vacation as one would be of dying. Given a fair chance, one will find equal talent and dedication in the next co-worker.

I didn’t realise the importance of taking a vacation and time off work until a few years ago, when I found myself forced into a trip with my friends. This was in order to attend a close friend’s wedding in Belgium. Right from the start, there were speculations about my arrival. I have a reputation for last minute drop-outs and by now my family and friends have made peace with my absence. I had cold feet from the time I booked my tickets for the 10-day long vacation. Knowing the wedding scene forward, I anticipated that I would be reprimanded for even using my phone. But I can now admit that those 10 days away from work was the best thing that I had done for myself in years and I vowed to take two weeks out every year to spend time with my family and friends. I realised that the toughest part was in getting there; once there, a new world of adventure opened up.

Here are some useful tips to my fellow workaholics who would rather be at work than anywhere else.

I have found that when people show care and commitment for their job, they get it back bountiful

Involve others in your fear of letting go of work

I could not help but keep rambling about how nervous I was about attending the wedding, knowing there would be reprimand on escaping from late night parties to check my mails and not to mention the time difference. I realised that the more I expressed my discontent about taking the vacation, the more supportive my colleagues became about me taking it. Reverse psychology never seems to get outdated. “Don’t worry, we will handle everything.” When I explained the challenges about not being accessible, they assured me that they would cover for me and contact me only if there was an emergency. I got support in winding up my work and in assigning duties in my absence. I have found that when people show care and commitment for their job, they get it back bountiful.

The first day is tough

I never lifted my head from the time I boarded the plane to the time I reached my hotel, covering as much work as I could. Keeping my phones and laptop out of reach was the toughest thing to do, since I already had warnings about carrying my work into the wedding. I remember taking long bathroom breaks to quickly read my mails and check on work. But the compulsion eased on the second day and continued to decrease in intensity in the days that followed. My need to be on the job all the time diminished and the fact that I had the option to sleep in and not wake up by clockwork was my first delight. I was pleasantly surprised to see that work was actually going on without me and a lot of people got their due importance in my absence.

Because I was occupied from the time I woke up to the time that I went to sleep, work stayed off my mind

Different time zones or low connectivity helps switch off

The one thing that really worked for me was the time difference between India and Europe. It helped ease my nerves about work and made me feel less guilty for having fun at work hours. When I would wake up, the team was already ahead of me and I just needed the half hour of my morning tea-time to see that all was in order and continue the rest of the day in peace. My phone calls turned into instant messages and then my messages turned into one or two emails a day. And by day four, I was officially off work. I have kept this as a tip when I plan my vacations, the further the distance and the greater the time difference, the better it is for me to really get off work and unwind. And when taking a vacation in India, I choose places with low connectivity, such as mountains, wildlife sanctuaries and cruises, so the reach between my work and me is limited.

Pack adventure into your vacation

Because I was occupied from the time I woke up to the time that I went to sleep, work stayed off my mind. We had sightseeing trips, lunches, dinners, parties and shopping sprees all planned and timed. As a person who works non-stop, I have so much energy and if I don’t plan how to expend it at my vacation, I will naturally get back to work. Now when I schedule time-off, I make sure to plan the adventure first. So even though I’m not working, I’m onto something equally exciting and that keeps my ever-ticking mind and creativity going. I have noticed that every vacation that I return from, I find a whole new perspective at work, a perspective that adds greater value, for I had the distance to see that which the proximity didn’t allow.

A vacation is something that is a reminder that there is a life beyond work

Great ideation opportunity

Take advantage. Every vacation has given me immense takeaways that my otherwise busy life disallowed. I could ideate without the pressure of having to do so. I could understand better, being away from the tension and appreciate even the slips and falls that I had been through as a learning curve. Once away from the scene, learning became much easier.

Discovering true happiness

Over the years, being happy had become a challenge. I needed a reason to be happy. So achievement became a necessity towards that end. But when on a vacation, I found happiness without reason, and that is true happiness. The sunrise made me happy, the silence brought joy; the extra sleep brought comfort; and walking in the wilderness brought an elation that no professional accomplishment could even match. This is what I work for—the time and luxury to be free and happy over nothing at all. And I carried that happiness back to work. My colleagues now comment on how I come back calmer and happier after each vacation. My drive was always at a fast pace but my attitude had shifted towards the better.

Value-add to friends and family with your presence

Over the years I had forgotten that I had a responsibility beyond work and that was to add value to the people around me. In spending time with my family it dawned on me how much they valued me and how appreciative they were to spend time with me. They were so eager to learn from my work and me and I could see a mutual exchange of respect in getting to know them better. Over the years the primary reason of going to work [family] had become the secondary reason. I had never known that so many people looked up to me and longed to spend time with me. If my own near and dear ones never get my time, then what good is my work that never served them?

A vacation is not something that comes in the way of work. A vacation is something that is a reminder that there is a life beyond work, a life that we have long forgotten under the daily pressures and professional expectations. If someone told you that you would never get time off when you started out with your job, I can bet my life you would never take it. As much as work is important, so is your life. The ability to ‘switch off’ is as important as the necessity to remain ‘switched on’. Even a machine needs its down time, and you being the one that literally makes your world go round, need that vacation. Take it as a part of your job profile. For, if you don’t discover the ability to switch off, you won’t remain ‘on’ for long.

The post Vacation from work: Switch OFF to stay ON appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.