Well, yes. But self-care can do much more than that. Taking care of yourself doesn’t just make you feel good but it also can lead to better relationships with others.

A happy and successful relationship begins with self-care, even if you might not have thought about the connection between the two before. But how and why? Let’s look at four big reasons.

1. Self-care creates a space for you

It’s so important in any relationship to have space for yourself. All too often, especially when we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, we can lose our sense of self and forget what makes us individuals.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is bad or unhealthy—sometimes, we just slip into these habits. We end up doing everything together; we have couple activities and couple goals and couple accomplishments.

And while it is amazing to be able to share your life with a person you love, it’s important that you still take some time for yourself and don’t lose your identity. If you’re constantly doing everything together, chances are that you’re probably compromising on some of the things you want.

Taking a step back and practising giving yourself some love and care creates a space for you—for your wants and needs. So, if you love reading, carve some time out in your evening to get comfy on the sofa with a good book while your other half watches the TV. If there’s a hobby that you adore like gardening or yoga but you’ve let it slide recently because you’ve both been caught up with social commitments, bring it back into your life. And don’t forget to make time for your friends and family—not just your “couple” friends!

2. Self-care = a happy you = a happy relationship

Learning to love yourself is so important for your own personal happiness.

We’re generally not taught by society to love ourselves. We learn from a very early age to look at ourselves harshly: magnifying our flaws, comparing ourselves to others, and slipping into negative self-talk all too easily. We’re our own worst critics.

Self-care can help you to learn to love yourself: it teaches you to treat yourself well, to nourish your body and mind with kindness and love. Part of this includes tending to your physical needs, like eating well, adding regular exercise into your routine, and getting enough sleep so that you feel rested and rejuvenated.

It also means tending to your emotional and mental health: doing things that bring you joy, spending time with people you love, and learning to be emotionally aware so that you can be kind to yourself when you need it.

When you learn to love yourself through practising self-care, it makes you a happier version of yourself. And when you’re a happy you, you’re going to enjoy a happier relationship.

3. Taking care of yourself makes you a better partner

As I said above, practising self-care helps to boost your general mood and support your mental health, making you feel happier and more balanced.

By looking after yourself and ensuring that you’re in a good headspace, you are giving yourself the emotional capacity and availability to provide support for your other half too.

If we’re feeling low, stressed or tense for whatever reason, it’s unlikely that we’re going to be able to support to a partner who is feeling the same—and that’s if we even notice. Sometimes we’re so wrapped up in our own problems that we miss what’s going on right in front of us.

When we’re struggling emotionally, we’ll probably snap and lash out instead, not having the emotional capacity, empathy or patience to be able to deal with another person’s problems. This can result in feeling distant from each other, arguing, and disconnection.

Self-care helps you to feel happier, rested and less stressed, which means you’re in a better position to provide emotional support to your partner if they need it. This is so important in a relationship: you need to be able to support each other equally. If one of you is doing most of the emotional heavy-lifting, then that’s going to take its toll on your relationship and your wellbeing.

4. Self-care stops resentment—on both sides

Giving up self-care when you’re in a relationship doesn’t make you a martyr or a better partner to your other half. If anything, it makes you more difficult to live with and be in a relationship with.

This may sound counter-intuitive—after all, we can sometimes associate self-care with selfishness—but it actually makes a lot of sense. Your significant other wants you to be happy, fun and fulfilled in your relationship.

Not taking care of your emotional and physical needs properly means that you’re probably not as happy as you could be. In fact, it will probably result in you being distracted, moody, irritable or stressed—which can be frustrating and upsetting to your partner.

Similarly, if you’re constantly doing things for other people (like your significant other) and never doing anything for yourself, there’s probably going to be some resentment building up. You might not realise it to start with, but you could easily end up feeling resentful and underappreciated by your partner.

Practising self-care and giving yourself enough love and attention will make you feel happier and more fulfilled—and these positive emotions will feed into your relationship.

Start with small steps today

A happy relationship begins with self-care, even if you might not have connected the two before. Looking after yourself and your personal needs will help you to be a better partner: giving you the emotional capacity to be there for your other half, and strengthening your relationship.

Don’t let it fall by the wayside; start taking small steps to add more self-care into your life and you’ll see the positive impact this will have on your relationship too.

The post Why self-care is the key to a happy relationship appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Here are a few simple self-massages to help you navigate everyday complaints holistically. You can use these any time you like. Some are general massages and some focus more on acupressure points. When you give yourself an acupressure treatment, don’t worry if you are exactly on the “right spot”. Instead, think about these points as about the area of a medium-sized coin. When you feel more sensation—nervy, sharp or tender—you know that you have found the right spot. Learn these techniques for yourself and teach them to your family and friends. Healing is in your hands.

1.  Massages for pain relief

These simple massages of acupressure points are useful for contending with everyday aches and pains. The first point is especially well known for helping to alleviate face and tooth pain. But it can also be used for headaches, or pain associated with a bout of indigestion. The second point is especially useful for headaches, depression and menstrual pain.

• Massage the place in the webbing of your index finger and thumb. Apply a squeezing action and massage for about one to two minutes in little circles.
• Next, massage the area where the bones of your big and second toe meet. Use your index finger or thumb. Massage for about one to two minutes in little circles on each foot.

2.  Massage for better breathing

This self massage will help release tension in the chest and free up breathing muscles. It can also help strengthen and revitalize the lungs.

• Use the tips of all of your fingers to quickly tap the upper front ribs, beneath your collar bones, as you take a deep breath in through your nose.
• Exhale through your mouth and use your whole flat hand to slap the ribs as if you are helping to push the air out. Repeat three to five times.
• Repeat this technique on the lower front ribs.
• Next, make fists with your hands and massage the kidney area with your knuckles—just under the ribs in the back—briskly for about one minute.

3.  Massage to relieve anxiety

• Lightly tap the point between your eyebrows, also known as the third eye. You can also try gently massaging this point for about one minute while taking deep breaths.
• Another great point to relieve anxiety is at the centre of your sternum [the flat bone at the front centre of the chest], where you’ll feel a little depression in the bone. Give this area a gentle tap or a circular massage as you breathe deeply for about one minute. Then rest, breathe and notice how you feel.

4.  Massage to combat computer strain

If you spend a lot of time in front of a computer, you know that even though you are sitting still, your body is under a lot of strain. The good news is that this simple self-massage can help.

• Begin by rubbing your hands together to warm them. Place your warm palms over your eyes and take a deep breath. Repeat two to three times.
• Use your right hand to rhythmically squeeze and twist your left shoulder.
• Next, squeeze your upper arm and continue this action down to your wrist and hand. Repeat two to three times. Spend extra time squeezing your wrist.
• Now squeeze and twist each finger.
• Place your right thumb in the centre of the outer crease of your left wrist. With firm pressure slide your thumb up your forearm to your elbow. Repeat this stroke several times.
• Use the same action on the inside of your forearm.
• Repeat the sequence on the right side.
• Next, makes fists with your hands. Lean forward and vigorously rub the lower back with your knuckles. Continue for at least one minute.

5.  Massage for eyestrain

Eyestrain is especially common in computer users and others who do close work, like sewing or knitting. Here are some self-massage techniques that can help. Use this sequence to supplement simple focus breaks and bring more energy and relief to the eye area.

• Begin by rubbing your hands together briskly until they are warm. Place your warm hands over your closed eyes and take two deep breaths.
• Next, place your index fingers on the centre of the cheekbone, just below your pupil. Massage this area with tiny circles for one to two minutes. Take a few deep breaths.
• Next, use your thumb to massage the area where the bones of the big and second toe meet for one to two minutes. You will feel a “zingy” nervy sensation when you find the point.
• Repeat on your left foot.

6.  Massage for cramps [especially leg cramps]

Some people get legs cramps during the day after a long walk or a lot of exercise, and sometimes leg cramps creep up in the middle of the night, seemingly for no reason at all. If cramps are a frequent or recurrent problem, seek medical attention. For an occasional cramp, try this simple acupressure point.

• Massage the space just above your upper lip, in a gentle, circular motion for about one minute. Or try holding this point, or lightly tapping it for several seconds.
• Take several deep breaths.
• If this point doesn’t relieve the cramp, try massaging and stretching the muscle itself.

7.  Massage to improve energy

Afternoon fatigue can interfere with work and make life less enjoyable in general. These self- massage techniques can help overcome that tiredness. Just make sure you use them before you get too tired!

• Sitting in a chair, or standing, make fists and place your knuckles on your lower back. Vigorously rub the area for one to two minutes.
• Next, place your knuckles on the “Three Mile Point”. The ancient Chinese people believed that if you rubbed this area, you could walk three more miles! It’s just below your kneecap on the outside of your shinbone on each leg. Scrub this area with your knuckles, briskly, up and down for about one minute.

8.  Final deep relaxation

If you have time, it’s great to end your self-massage session with deep relaxation. Relaxing after self-massage can help the techniques you’ve used to work better.

• Lie on your back on the floor, or even a couch, and close your eyes.
• Make sure you are warm and comfortable.
• Then begin breathing deeply and progressively relaxing each part of your body, from your feet to your head.

Self-massage is natural, powerful, free and enjoyable. The few minutes it takes to care for your body is time well spent. These techniques, along with other supportive measures like the use back flower remedies, can help you feel better and also alleviate your anxiety.

You will feel better, have less pain and discomfort and more energy to pursue the things you love in life. Enjoy!

The post 8 Self-Massage Techniques to Ease Your Pain and Anxiety appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

There was something in those beautiful dark eyes which prevented me from sleeping for almost a week. I grew curious about her. This curiosity resulted in a beautiful friendship between both of us.

She was a post-graduation student. I proposed to her within a year. She was taken aback and whispered timidly, “Sorry dear. I know we both share a relationship that is deeper than friendship. I would love to accept your proposal but our society would never accept us. I am older than you. Besides, our faiths are different. I cannot let down my parents.”

There was something in those beautiful dark eyes which prevented me from sleeping for almost a week

She walked away as she said this and I stood there hoping she would turn back. As if something in her heard my hopes, she ran back to me, kissed me hard and said, “But I cannot live without you.”

And there was no turning back from there on. 10 years passed. We became inseparable. She waited for me to complete my Bachelor’s degree and supported me while I got settled. She became my life support.

But our relationship was riddled with insecurity. Most things can be mended but faith once betrayed is hard to mend. We were always suspicious that the other was having a secret affair. We became possessive to the point of ruthlessly invading each other’s space.

Tensions between us mounted. Discussions didn’t help. Instead there were more outbursts, quarrels and anxieties that led to depression. We tried hard but eventually came to an understanding that some relationships must end in friendship instead of a life partnership.

The breakup left me shattered. I took to alcoholism and eventually quit my job. My friends suggested counselling. One morning, whilst still in bed with a heavy hangover, I was making plans to end my life. With my paramedical background, I realised I needed help. I immediately made an appointment with a counsellor. On reaching there, I poured my heart out and breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately for me, my life started getting back normal after a few sessions.

We tried hard but eventually came to an understanding that some relationships must end in friendship instead of a life partnership

Two years later, I saw her again at our University’s Silver Jubilee Meet. We crossed paths but didn’t dare to make eye contact. Standing apart from the crowd I watched her walking gracefully in a pink saree. Somewhere, the deep pain was relapsing again. I wanted to hug her, kiss her tight but knew deep down that she was with someone else.

Amidst the pain, I felt a warm hand holding my sweaty palm and softly whispering to me, “Go talk to her, it will ease your tension.” I saw a beautiful lady dressed in blue besides me. She was my wife—my friend for life. I kissed her on her forehead and said, “No, that’s a hallucination from the past. I’m lucky to be with you; my present and my future.”

Today, my partner knows my past as I know hers. She has given me the space to express myself, values my privacy and understands me better than I do. She gives me the conviction that some partnerships do end in great friendships. My prompt action in seeking counselling helped me step away from the brink of taking my own life, and her presence has strengthened my will to live.

As told to Joyeeta Talukdar

The post How My Wife Helped Me Heal From Past Heartbreak appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Practicing couple yoga with your partner can help build trust and boost intimacy between the two of you. Regular practice of couple yoga will help you find deep love for yourself and your partner. Not only will each of you feel centered, relaxed and confident about yourselves, but you will also begin to relate better with each other — you will find yourself being more loving, tolerant, and accepting towards your beloved.

Before you begin each session, say, “Thank you,” in advance to your partner for the spiritual experience in which you both will participate. Expressing gratitude shows your loved one that you have confidence in their ability to embark on this journey.

7 couple yoga poses to strengthen your relationship

Start by breathe slowly and deeply. Bring your attention to the present moment. Connect with your body and notice that your partner is with you too — in body, mind, and spirit. Now you can begin practising the couple yoga poses. Remember to have fun doing it while giving it your all.

1. Twin Trees

Start by standing a few feet apart from your partner, facing the front.

Next, move your palms toward each other, with the arms in a T-shape, or draw your elbows and palms together in the shape of a cactus.

Start to shift your weight onto your right foot and draw the left leg into tree pose by bending the knee and bringing the left foot to the right ankle, calf or inner thigh.

Your partner will shift the weight onto his or her left foot and bring the right foot to the left ankle, calf or inner thigh.

Help to balance each other for five breaths. Then release each other, turn around to face the back and repeat on the opposite side.

2. Couples Down Dog/ Back Bend

Start this pose with your partner in downward facing dog.

Then take your partner deeper in their stretch, by placing your feet in between his or her hands and lowering yourself onto his or her back.

Stretch your arms overhead and give yourself a backbend in this position.

Stay for several breaths and then swap places.

3. Chair Pose with Partner

Start by facing each other, standing with feet hip-width apart.

Inhale as you extend your arms out to your partner.

Holding each others hands, begin to bend your knees and squat. Make sure that the knees do not cross your feet.

Try to take your thighs as parallel to the floor as possible. In this pose, the taller partner will have to provide more support to the shorter one.

Stay in this pose for five breaths.

4. Partner Twist

Begin in a seated position, with your legs crossed and your spines touching each other.

Inhale and raise your arms over your head, holding each other’s hands or wrists, and start to lengthen the spine.

Exhale and twist to the right. As you do so, bring your right hand on your partner’s left knee and your left hand on your right knee or thigh. Your partner should mirror the movement.

Hold this pose for five breaths. Then exhale, untwist and repeat on the opposite side.

Not only does the twist assist in cleansing and detoxifying the body, but it also gives you a chance to initiate playfulness with your partner.

5. Partner Forward Fold

To begin, sit opposite each other, with both your legs extended in a V-shape.

Bring the soles of your feet together. Then extend your arms toward each other and hold your partner’s wrist or forearm. Inhale as you lengthen your spine and exhale as you start to bend forward, with your heart moving towards your partner rather than downward to the floor.

Hold for five breaths.

6. Partner Breathing

Sit crossed legged, with your back resting against your partner’s, and your spines touching each other’s. Your hands should rest on your thighs.

Allow yourself to feel and connect with your partner through inhalations and exhalations.

Start to breathe alternately with your partner, so that as you inhale, he or she exhales; conversely, as she or he inhales, you exhale. Repeat for three minutes.

This exercise helps you to connect with your partner, to be aware of your breathing, and to open your heart.

7. Boat Pose

Begin by sitting on opposite sides of the mat, keeping the legs together. Hold your partner’s hands outside your hips.

Keeping your spine straight, raise your legs and touch your sole to your partner’s. Try to find balance as you straighten your legs up to the sky.

You can start practising this pose by straightening only one leg at a time, till you find the balance.

Stay in this pose for five breaths, consciously gazing into your partner’s eyes.

To get out of the pose, slowly lower your legs and let your hands go.

This was first published in the October 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Couple yoga poses to strengthen your relationship (With photos) appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Why do we avoid telling the unpleasant truth?

We’ve all done it. We don’t really want to do it, but it comes almost naturally. That’s probably because we would prefer not to hurt the ones we love.

If you have a husband or wife who wants to sing but is a terrible singer, you might be inclined to encourage them to sing; despite their apparent lack of talent. That situation can be applied to countless other scenarios where one person in a relationship lies to the other in order to maintain the happiness level. After all, most people don’t really enjoy conflict, especially if the conflict begins with something that one party could take as particularly insulting, like telling them their voice is terrible.

When we lie to those we care about, are we really doing the right thing? It may seem that we’re saving them from pain. For any person, being in a relationship means that we don’t want our partner to be hurt.

The problem is that by pretending that everything is okay, we are merely postponing the hurt. And when the person finally learns the truth about what you’ve been telling them, they may never trust you again.

“Why do my boyfriends always leave me?”

I knew a girl who was extremely beautiful. She had an exotic look to her that any magazine would have loved and she had the smile to match. Her personality was equally as attractive, so I really enjoyed hanging out with her whenever I could.

One night, she and I were talking about the various guys she’d been dating over the course of the last few years. She couldn’t understand why none of her relationships had worked out. The guys seemed to like her, and everything always appeared to be going fine. But inevitably, the guy would break things off with her almost out of the blue. Each and every time, she was blind-sided by the breakup.

When she asked me what I thought the problem was, I honestly couldn’t say at first, because I didn’t know. So, I asked her a series of questions to get to the root of the issue. The line of inquiry went through every possible avenue I could think of: How were their conversations? Was the chemistry good? Were there any indicators that something was wrong?

Then she mentioned one thing. She said that initially the guys were really into her and always wanted to kiss her. But as the relationship progressed, they seemed to kiss her less and less.

An idea hit me. Maybe she had bad breath… But I couldn’t say that. And I actually didn’t know. Plus, I didn’t want to be the one to test it out. That was something I would rather let one of her girlfriends tell her.

I went about carefully laying the groundwork for building up to the possible solution to her problem. I told her it could be one of many things. I listed several items that might have been a turn off to guys, bad breath being one of them.

She asked me point blank if that was an issue, to which I responded that I didn’t know, but maybe she could ask some of her other friends about it.

Telling the truth: There’s spinach in your teeth

When it comes to telling the unpleasant truth, none of us wants to offend someone else’s personal air space and none of us wants to look like an idiot.

I have become a much more upfront person in the last few years, and am usually willing to be brutally honest with friends who ask me questions with potentially hurtful answers. I never found out whether my friend actually had bad breath or not. But if I were her, I would have wanted to know.

Have you ever gotten something stuck in your teeth? I have. This happens to most people, especially if they’ve eaten spinach because you can’t always feel if there’s spinach wedged between your pearly whites. And if someone doesn’t let you know about it, you will walk around for the next few hours with something green sticking out to everyone you smile at.

Not telling the unpleasant truth does more harm than good

When it comes down to whether or not you should be telling an unpleasant truth in a relationship, you have to ask yourself a very simple question. Would you want to know the truth? Inevitably, you are doing far more harm than good by lying and delaying the foreseeable. How would you feel if someone you cared about told you that you were good at something, only to find out everyone else thought you were terrible? It would be way worse than finding out you had some spinach in your teeth.

Are you afraid to know the truth about something in your life? What are the consequences if you don’t know the truth? Or are you afraid to be honest with someone you care about because you don’t want to hurt them? Ask yourself the simple question. Would you want to know?

The post Telling the unpleasant truth to those you care about appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Love is…

Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues—it is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun.

Relationships v/s relating

And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security. Relationship has a certainty; relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? And we are so afraid that we want to make it certain, we want to make it predictable. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we don’t allow it freedom to have its own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun.

You are in love with a woman or a man and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. Why? How does the law come into love? The law comes into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear. Before it disappears settle down, before it disappears do something so it becomes impossible to separate.

Love, heart to heart

In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightenment spread over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating not a relationship. And I am not saying that their love will be only momentary. There is every possibility their love may go deeper than your love, may have a higher quality of intimacy, may have something more of poetry and more of godliness in it.

And there is every possibility their love may last longer than your so-called relationship ever lasts. But it will not be guaranteed by the law, by the court, by the policeman. The guarantee will be inner. It will be a commitment from the heart, it will be a silent communion.

If you enjoy being with somebody, you would like to enjoy it more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you would like to explore the intimacy more and more. And there are a few flowers of love, which bloom only after long intimacies. There are seasonal flowers too; within six weeks they are there, in the sun, but within six weeks again they are gone forever.

There are flowers that take years to come, and there are flowers that take many years to come. The longer it takes, the deeper it goes. But it has to be a commitment from one heart to another heart. It has not even to be verbalised, because to verbalise it is to profane it. It has to be a silent commitment; eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart, being-to-being. It has to be understood, not said. Forget relationships and learn how to relate.

What destroys love

Once you are in a relationship you start taking each other for granted–that’s what destroys all love affairs. The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he knows the woman. Nobody knows either! It is impossible to know the other, the other remains a mystery. And to take the other for granted is insulting, disrespectful.

To think that you know your wife is very, very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man? They are processes, they are not things. The woman that you knew yesterday is not there today. So much water has gone down the Ganges; she is somebody else, totally different. Relate again, start again, don’t take it for granted.

And the man that you slept with last night, look at his face again in the morning. He is no more the same person, so much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man and the woman, they are no more the same. Explore again, start again. That’s what I mean by relating.

Relating is…

Relating means you are always starting, you are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the many facets of the other’s personality. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his realm of inner feelings, into the deep recesses of his being. You are trying to unravel a mystery, which cannot be unravelled. That is the joy of love: the exploration of consciousness.

And if you relate, and don’t reduce it to a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him, unawares you will be exploring yourself too. Getting deeper into the other, knowing his feelings, his thoughts, his deeper stirrings, you will be knowing your own deeper stirrings too. Lovers become mirrors to each other, and then love becomes a meditation. Relationship is ugly, relating is beautiful.

Hence I say relate. By saying relate, I mean remain continuously on a honeymoon. Go on searching and seeking each other, finding new ways of loving each other, finding new ways of being with each other. And each person is such an infinite mystery, inexhaustible, unfathomable, that it is not possible that you can ever say, “I have known her,” or, “I have known him.” At the most you can say, “I have tried my best, but the mystery remains a mystery.”

In fact, the more you know, the more mysterious the other becomes. Then love is a constant adventure.

Excerpted from Love, Freedom, and Aloneness: A New Vision of Relating/ Courtesy: Osho International Foundation/www.osho.com

The post Relationships vs relating appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.