After dinner, Radha went to wash her hands when she saw Richa picking up the soap from the washbasin and putting it in her pocket. She watched in disbelief but then thought Richa was playing some sort of game. She wanted to ask Richa to return the items, but hesitated. And she certainly didn’t want to bring up this topic with Sonam because she thought it would spoil their friendship, and that too over silly items like a spoon and soap bar. After they left, Radha had a lot of questions. How could the child steal? Doesn’t she know stealing is bad? And why would she steal something as ordinary as a spoon and soap bar?

The next day, Radha received a call from Sonam who apologised profusely. She had just seen the items. She then told Radha that Richa suffered from kleptomania, and that she was getting help for it.

What is the difference between thieving and kleptomania?

Kleptomania is a psychological disorder wherein the person feels a compulsion to steal something without having any personal or monetary gain in mind. It is an impulse control disorder in which the person steals simply because she cannot resist stealing, not because she needs the item.

Children with kleptomania do not pick up very expensive or trendy items. On the contrary, they usually pick up petty items like pencils, balls and bottle caps, which cost too little and are probably even useless. They feel extremely tense just before the urge kicks in. This anxiety keeps mounting till they succeed in picking up something. After they manage to sneak the item into their bag or pocket, they experience a surge of relief and happiness. In many cases, if they do not succeed in their attempt, they get very aggressive, anxious or withdrawn.

Kleptomania is different from thievery in that in the latter, people steal for reasons like monetary gain, revenge, greed or envy. The reasons behind kleptomania and ordinary stealing are significantly diverse.

Why would a child steal compulsively?

Though it is difficult to understand the exact reasons behind compulsive stealing, here are few common ones:

Obsessive compulsive disorder: A child could have OCD, which forces her to pick up items whether she needs them or not. In this case stealing is a compulsive ritual and it helps to minimise her anxieties.

Very low self-esteem: A child who feels others perform well in academics, sports, social activities while she feels like a consistently poor performer may develop low self-esteem. If a child’s real-life experiences are always depleting her ego, she may try to pump it up. Unconsciously, she may want to boost her ego by secretly doing something, which she thinks she can get away with. Picking up something that doesn’t belong to her may be a way to simply increase her self-confidence.

Feelings of deprivation: A child who feels a big void inside due to a strong sense of deprivation may try to fill the void by taking random things. This sense of deprivation may be totally unjustified to an onlooker. For example, a child may be feeling unloved by her father. Though others can vouch for her father’s love and involvement, she does not feel it. We are not talking about reality here, but the child’s perception that creates the void in her psyche. She may start picking up her things belonging to her friends’ fathers—simple items things like pens—to fill this void. Since the objects can never compensate for what is really missing, the child continues to steal.

Other psychological issues: Some children have a poor concept of personal boundaries. They cannot understand what belongs to them and what does not. They do not appreciate the social rules. When they learn a rule, they want to test it without others’ knowing, of course. They feel everything belongs to them.

What can you do?

First, you need to check whether your child is pilfering to get your attention or if it is indeed kleptomania. If she has kleptomania, coaching the child on the virtues of honesty is futile because in this case she is not picking up something that doesn’t belong to her for personal gain. She simply cannot control herself. This is a key point in analysing the reasons behind the problem as well the remedial steps to be taken.

Psychotherapy seems to be the best way to intervene in cases of kleptomania. Understanding the root causes behind this compulsive stealing is vital.

• The first step is to thoroughly analyse what need the theft is fulfilling.
• Once the core want has been identified, then helping the child fulfil that basic need is the next step. This often helps the child get over her psychological issues.
• Cognitive behaviour therapy is also effective in treating kleptomania. Children are exposed to temptations to steal in various situations under a therapist’s supervision. The therapist then guides them on how to curb their temptations.
• In severe cases, bio-medical interventions like mood stabilisers and anti-depressants might be required. Researchers have found that the medication numbs certain parts of the brain that generate pleasure by when the child steals.

Treat with care and kindness

Children with kleptomania generally don’t remember how the item came into their possession. Always keep in mind that they are not stealing out of revenge or personal gain. They are suffering from a mental condition. So, confronting them for the theft or punishing them will do more harm than good. Remember, these children are already emotionally fragile. They lose the trust of others in them; they often lose their friends over stealing rows. They may even be branded as thieves.

Parents need to be careful when dealing with such children. If you notice signs of kleptomania in someone else’s child, bring up the subject with the child’s parents. If you think your child might have kleptomania, don’t delay getting help.

A gentle and understanding approach works best.

This was first published in the March 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Kleptomania: Sticky little fingers appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

If you find yourself checking and re-checking whether the front door is locked, sweeping and re-sweeping an already clean floor or if you have a strong urge to perform certain rituals repeatedly, then your obsession might be out of control.

Obsession out of hand

Take the case of Raju, a software engineer from Bangalore. He is scrupulous about hygiene. To make sure that his environment is clean, he uses a cleansing swipe each time he touches the elevator button, cleans his keyboard by rubbing alcohol and a micro-fibre cloth every hour, washes his hands every 30 minutes with antiseptic soap and vacuums his seat four times a day. He gets his car washed twice a day with an extra-deep cleaning wash on the weekends at the local car care centre. His parents tried in vain to talk him out of his fixation for hygiene. They thought marriage would change him and so got him married. His wife was shocked on their wedding night when he asked her to bathe thrice in hot water with antiseptic soap. He forced his wife to do the household chores with unrealistic hygiene standards. Predictably, four months into marriage she packed her bags and left.

On the professional front, one unfortunate day he ran out of swipes. In a fit of rage he flung his laptop out of his office window. Regrettably, Raju refuses to get help.

Types of OCD

Do you know someone like Raju? If so, this person might have an anxiety-based disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [OCD]. People suffering from OCD are preoccupied with a topic, an idea or even a person. ‘Obsessions’ are recurrent and persist in the form of thoughts, impulse, or images at various time intervals. These are triggered by inappropriate stimuli that cause heightened distress. These recurring thoughts, impulses or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems, and they will not just go away; besides, they are severe enough to debilitate someone. The person even recognises that these thoughts, impulses or images are a figment of their mind.

OCD can manifest at any age. It usually appears between the ages of eight to 12 or during late teens and early adulthood. The exact cause for OCD is not known.

The most common types of obsessions are:

• Fear of contamination: The worry is that something which is contaminated may cause illness and ultimately death to oneself or a loved one. Such people could brush their teeth excessively due to fear of leaving a minuscule amount of germs and therefore getting mouth disease; or they might clean their kitchen and bathroom repeatedly due to the fear of germs being spread to family.
• Fear of causing harm: The anxiety in this case is of carrying out violent acts against loved ones or others. Obsessive thoughts include violently harming children or loved ones using sharp objects like knives or causing self-harm by jumping in front of a train or a fast-moving bus. While these people might not display ritualistic behaviour, they repeatedly go through the day’s events to check if they have done something to cause harm.
• Excessive concern with symmetry: People with this obsessive fear do anything to ensure everything feels ‘just right’ to prevent discomfort. They have everything neat and in place at all times. For instance, they might have their canned food facing forward or have their clothes hanging in order of colour.
• Unwanted thoughts related to religious beliefs: These people believe that their sins will never be forgiven by God and they will go to hell. To avoid this, they touch or kiss religious objects repeatedly. They also fear becoming a paedophile or a homosexual.
• Excessive accumulation of generic things: Hoarders fear that something bad will happen if they throw anything away. They compulsively hoard things that they don’t need or use. They might, for example, collect woollen clothes and cartons.

How to treat OCD

Despite the perils of a disorder like obsession, help is available. With treatment and a good support system, you can break free of the unwanted thoughts and irrational urges and take back control of life. The following strategies can be used:

• Psychological intervention or psychotherapy
  Behaviour therapy has a lot to offer to individuals with this disorder. Systematic desensitisation techniques involve gradually exposing the patient to ever-increasing anxiety-provoking stimuli.
  Cognitive-behavioural therapy, which may have some effectiveness for people who suffer from OCD include saturation and thought-stopping. Through saturation, the patient is directed to do nothing but think of one obsessive thought, which worries them. After concentrating on this one thought for a number of days, the obsession can lose some of its strength. Through thought-stopping, the individual learns how to halt obsessive thoughts by identifying the thoughts and then averting it by doing an opposite, incompatible response.
• Medications
  Certain medication has proven to be effective in combating this disorder. However precaution must be taken to prevent an overdose.
• Social support
  Active participation by friends or family in the recovery of an OCD patient is essential. Family members and friends can help by ensuring that medication is taken at the appropriate time, attending follow-up sessions with the patient’s therapist to monitor progress and providing constant motivation at each stage.

Overcoming OCD

In another true story, Radha, a 35-year-old entrepreneur, married with seven-year-old twins was diagnosed with OCD. Prior to being diagnosed, she ran a thriving chain of designer boutiques. Unfortunately her personal and professional life was hanging by a thread.

Radha was obsessed with perfection. She wanted all the clothes in her boutique to be crease free and arranged symmetrically at all times. Employees had to be impeccably dressed and cash in the registers had to arranged denomination-wise. The display lights, carpets and windows had to be cleaned till they shone. She would fire employees instantly if they didn’t comply with her norms. At home, her kids were petrified of her. She would beat them up mercilessly if they left their toys strewn on the floor. She expected them to arrange their school books according to colour or height. She would even hit her husband if he didn’t place his shoes, laptop, clothes and other items in their allocated places.

As things started to get worse, her husband, with the help of her parents, arranged for her to visit a clinical psychologist. But with a lot of support from her family, she met a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Her psychiatrist started her on medication. Her family asked her employees to monitor whether she was taking her medications on time and also requested them to act normal and not to treat her as an ill person. Her siblings made sure she went for her psychotherapy sessions. Her friends would speak to her every week to motivate her on her progress. In a couple of months she began to change; the change was gradual but positive.

Today, Radha is back to being the loving wife, doting mother, happy employer and OCD-free person that she used to be.

All of us have a few harmless obsessions. It’s only when these spin beyond our control and get into endless loops of behaviours that it can be labelled as OCD. Anyone can get OCD irrespective of age, gender, education or socio-economic status.

People who have OCD are suffering and need to be encouraged to seek professional help so that their obsession can be brought under control.

This was first published in the March 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

The post Control your obsessions appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.