“How do I practise awareness?” You cannot practise it. How can you practise life? If you were dead you could practise life. If you are alive, how can you practise life? It is just that right now, you are not giving much room for your aliveness to happen because you have given too much significance to what you think and feel. Your psychological process has become far more important than your life process. Why awareness seems to be so difficult is simply because we have let our minds go into endless chatter. If your mind is not chattering, awareness is the natural way to be.

The primacy of existence

People have made their thought process so important. They have even gone to the extent of saying, “I think, therefore I am.” Which do you think is true: you think because you exist, or you exist because you think? You can generate a thought because you exist, isn’t it? We want to shift the significance to the life process. You can play with your psychological process whichever way you want, but it is only because you are alive that you can think.

Once in a while, if I just close my doors and sit in a place for five days, I do not have a single thought for five days. I don’t look out of the window, I don’t read, I don’t do anything. I am simply being alive. This is such a huge phenomenon happening within you, what is there to think about? Being alive is a far bigger process than your stupid thought process.

Anyway, what can you think? You are just recycling the nonsense that you have gathered. Can you think something other than the nonsense that has been fed into your head? You are just recycling the old data you have gathered. This recycling nonsense has become so important that you can even dare to say “I think, therefore I am”, and that becomes the world’s way of life. Existence is, even without your silly thoughts.

Not thinking, just living

If you choose, you can fully be and still not think. Please see, the most beautiful moments in your life are those moments when you were not thinking about anything. What you call moments of bliss, moments of joy, moments of ecstasy, moments of utter peace, these were moments when you were not thinking about anything but were just living.

Which is more important, living or thinking? You must decide this—do you want to be a living being or a thinking being? Right now, 90 per cent of the time, you are only thinking about life, not living life. Are you here to experience life or to think about life? You want to experience life, and you cannot experience life if you are lost in your thought. It is only through perception that you experience. You cannot experience through thought. With the past experience of life, you are cooking up something in your head—that is a thought process. Whatever you think has no significance because your thoughts have nothing to do with reality. They do not mean anything. Everyone can think up their own nonsense whichever way they want. It need not have anything to do with reality at all.

Your psychological process is a very small happening compared to the life process. Isn’t being alive right now more important for you than thinking? But if I trample upon your thought even a little, you are even willing to die for it. People die for their ideas. People die for their thought. People die for what they believe in. Thought has become far more important than the life process because people have not realised the immensity of what it means to be alive.

Logic divides

Because life has been restrained within the survival activity, thought looks grander than life. But it is not so. Thought is just a small happening compared to the life process. Aristotle is considered as the father of modern logic. His logic is very simple and straight—A can only be A, B can only be B. A cannot be B, B cannot be A. Can you argue with this? Logically it looks perfect. But let us look at this.

You are here either as a man or a woman. But how did you come here? Because a man and woman came together. Now suppose you are a woman, does it mean to say your father has made no contribution to you? He does exist within you, doesn’t he? Suppose you are a man, does it mean your mother made no contribution to you? Doesn’t she exist within you? The fact is that you are either a man or a woman, but the truth is you are both. Truth is that dimension which is not logically explainable. It does not fit into logic because logic is always dividing; truth is always unifying. So Where will this logic fit into life?

If you apply your logic too much to your life, all life will be squeezed out of you. The logical aspect of the mind is useful only to handle the material realities of life. If you try to handle yourself with logic, you will be a total mess because fundamentally, if you look at your life absolutely logically, there is no meaning to it.

When you wake up in the morning tomorrow, think absolutely logically. Don’t look at the sunrise, don’t look at the birds in the sky, don’t think of someone you love, your child’s face, or the flowers in the garden. Just think logically. Now, you actually have to get out of bed—that is not a small feat. You go to the toilet, brush your teeth, eat, do some work, eat, work, eat, sleep —tomorrow morning, same thing—over and over again. You have to do this for the next 40, 50 years. Think 100% logically, without looking at your life’s experience—is it really worthwhile?

Moments of extreme logic are moments of suicide, please see this. If we think 100 per cent logically about life, there is really no reason to live; there is really no reason for you and me to exist here. But if you look at one beautiful moment of your life’s experience, suddenly everything is sparked up and you want to live. The logical aspect of your life and the experiential dimension of your life are diametrically opposite to each other. That is why you are struggling with it. If you look at life experientially, there is every reason to live. If you look at life logically, there is no reason to live.

Why does someone commit suicide? Because they refuse to look at the experiences that they have had. If they fail an examination, people commit suicide; their husbands left them, they commit suicide; they lost their property, they commit suicide. People do it for so many reasons. Let’s say, today your husband or your wife left you. If you think logically, “My whole life was to love this person and be with this person, and now this person is gone. Where is the reason for me to live?” If you go logically, you will commit suicide. But if your husband or wife is gone, maybe it is a whole new possibility in your life. Maybe things that you could never imagine will happen to you simply because you are free from one aspect of life. We do not know, but it is possible.

If you think hundred percent logically, there is really no possibility of life. Only if you know to what extent your logic should go and where it should not go, your life will be beautiful. If you become absolutely logical, there is no beauty to your life. Everything becomes bare and no good.

A dimension beyond thought

Logic is essential only to handle the material aspect of life. If you want to know the experiential dimensions of life, you will never know it with your petty thought. Even if you have Einstein’s brain, it is still a petty thought because thought cannot be bigger than life. Thought can only be logical, functioning between two polarities. That is too small. If you want to know life in its immensity, you need something more than your thoughts, your logic, or your intellect. Only if you open up that dimension, you will taste life in its larger proportion. Otherwise, you will know only the physicality of life. With thought, you can know the physical and use the physical, but you will not penetrate anything other than the physical.

It is because the world has given so much significance to Aristotle and his tribe that all the sciences have developed in the physical dimension. With this, much comfort has come. You may be thrilled about how many things your computer or the internet can do, but if you really look at it, it has not done anything to your life. It has brought comfort and convenience, but ultimately, it has not brought you any joy. It has not taken you to any higher dimension of experience or existence.

In spite of all this exploration, no new dimension has occurred to you because the instruments of exploration that you are using are too limited. They are just logical and intellectual, so there is no way you will touch another dimension of life. It is not possible. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but it is as if you were trying to go to the moon with a bullock cart. It doesn’t matter how hard you beat the bulls it is not going to get there.

If you beat the bulls really hard, may be you can climb a mountain on the bullock cart, but you cannot go to the moon. Either you learn this out of your intelligence, or life will maul you and teach you a lesson slowly.

The choice is yours.

The post Awareness beyond thinking appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

What are you afraid of? We all have so many fears, large and small. There are so many things that scare us, worry us, or make us anxious. Apart from the obvious causes, there are also things like the fear of failing. Even in the face of success, we sometimes feel fearful. If we get the job we are going after, we maybe worried we won’t like it, or we won’t live up to other peoples’ expectations. Then, there is the fear of different kinds of loss, and ultimately the fear of death.

In this world, if we think something is desirable and we want it, we may pray to get it, or try to get into the positive thinking groove and focus on our attempt to acquire it. But the whole time we are desiring something—planning for it and doing what we think we need to get it—there is this gnawing feeling, this anxiety, and fearfulness that maybe we won’t get it.

Then, as soon as we get what we want, we are always in anxiety that something is going to happen to it. It’s going to get damaged, or we are going to lose something or someone. When we finally do lose the things and people we have grown attached to, and that we thought we desperately needed, we experience another type of fear and anxiety;connected to the loss itself. As unpleasant as this fear is,it is part of material existence. The truth is that we can never be at peace because of the constant presence of this fear.

We can understand from all yogic scriptures and great saintly teachers that all fear is ultimately rooted in the fear of death. The fear of death is so overwhelming that as soon as we are put in the proximity of a dead body, or in a situation where we might suddenly lose our life, we experience a dramatic change in consciousness.

One of the spiritual masters in our lineage,from a couple of hundred years ago, wrote a beautiful song which has this line, “kamala-dala-jala, jivana-talamala”. It means that this life is tottering just like a drop of water on a lotus leaf. If you have ever seen a large lotus leaf with a drop of water on it, the water collects together in a round drop which rolls about on the leaf. Because it is not fixed or stable, at any second it can simply roll off the leaf and be gone. This represents our life in this body. It is so precarious and at any moment it can be lost.

Why do we fear death?

Why are we so afraid of it? The reality is that death is the great disrupter. At death, everything is thrown into chaos. When someone has a critical illness,where they are slowly wasting away, even when people have had one or two months of preparation, when that spouse or friend finally dies, it is utterly devastating. We have a desire for permanence. We cling vainly to the hope that all the circumstances of our life will be permanent. But death demonstrates that all relationships and all possessions are impermanent. This world is impermanent by nature.

According to the great sages, the pain that we experience from the death of a loved one, or any fearful situation, is meant to be a learning experience for us, so that we will seek a solution to our suffering. One of the biggest freak-outs associated with death is fear of the unknown. What is going to happen to me? What will the experience of death be like?

The foundation of our desire for permanence can be found in our own spiritual nature. We, the living beings, are eternal. If you look at animals, or even the lowest of forms of life like bacteria, they all struggle against death. Death goes against everything fundamental to our eternal spiritual nature.

The material conception of life is that we are our bodies, and fear is inseparable from this material conception of life. As long as we cling to this misconception, fear will exist. The hearts of the great saintly persons, the great yogis,are filled with pain from observing the suffering of,not just humanity, but of all forms of life. They see the suffering, fear, and lack of fulfillment associated with material existence, and they understand it is both unfortunate and unnecessary.

This “I am my body” misconception is born of ignorance, and ignorance causes pain. We cannot separate them. According to the degree that we are covered by and acting in ignorance, we will experience pain—the greater the ignorance, the greater the pain. Knowledge,however, means freedom from pain. Knowledge results in spiritual blissfulness. If we look at a person who is not living in ignorance, we will find that such a person is enlightened and peaceful.

One who is not disturbed in mind even amidst the threefold miseries or elated when there is happiness, and who is free from attachment, fear and anger, is called a sage of steady mind. Bhagavad-Gita 2.56

The Vedas divide the miseries of this world in three categories

The first is Adhidaivika. The suffering we experience from natural calamities and things that are beyond our control. Then you have Adhibhautika– miseries that are caused by other living beings, whether it’s our partner, children, or parents, or even a so-called ‘enemy.’ These living entities also include, for example,mosquitoes that bite us and infect us with disease, or ingesting something with bacteria that causes us to have diarrhea and fever. Finally, there is Adhyātmika–the miseries that are due to our own body or mind, such as if we fall down and break an arm, or if our mind is disturbed with worries and fears.

But when a person is equal in both happiness and distress, and is free from attachments, fear, and anger, they are called a sage of steady mind. Their mind is in a very calm and stable condition. The only reason that we can exist in that state is due to spiritual knowledge. Spiritual knowledge destroys the darkness of ignorance. When everything is dark and you turn on the light, instantly the darkness is dissipated. In the same way, knowledge instantly evaporates the darkness of ignorance. The process for cultivating spiritual knowledge is to hear from spiritual authorities – the great spiritual teachers. Hearing also means reading the instructions found in the yoga scriptures. By accepting such instruction, we make it part of our personal practice. This spiritual path requires focus and dedication. If we are able to practice under the guidance of a proper spiritual teacher, we begin to taste a form of sweetness and happiness that continuously increases and grows. It is very transformative for our life. This knowledge is an awakening, and we see things from a completely different perspective.

In the final chapter of the Bhagavad-Gita, Krishna is speaking to Arjuna: Oh son of Prtha, that understanding by which one knows what ought to be done and what ought not to be done, what is to be feared and what is not to be feared, what is binding and what is liberating, this is in the mode of goodness. Bhagavad-Gita 18.30

Krishna explains that there are different types of knowledge. Knowledge in the mode of goodness is completely enlightening. However, the so-called knowledge that people generally cultivate in this world, more often just academic knowledge,is considered in the mode of ignorance,if it contributes to their increased material entanglement.

Spiritual knowledge teaches us what is to be done and what is not to be done. In the beginning, refraining from what should not be done may be a little difficult. But, as we begin to tread ever so carefully down the spiritual path, there is an internal transformation. There are spiritual insights, an awakening, and the development of a wonderful and joyful spiritual flavor to life.

The Bible states: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body.” Matthew 10:28

The soul can actually never be killed, but the light of your spiritual life can be extinguished, by becoming completely covered by ignorance. In this case, it is like the death of the soul.

In the Bhagavad-Gita, it says: In this (spiritual) endeavor there is no loss or diminution, and a little advancement on this path can protect one from the most dangerous types of fear. Bhagavad-Gita 2.40

We exist with all kinds of fears that are often buried deep inside us, only surfacing from time to time. Because we live in this continual state of fear, we are not always aware of our actual situation.

The post Fearfulness: Life Lessons From the Bhagavad-Gita appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Who is the most important person?
What is the most important time?
What is the most important karma?

In the royal court, he repeated the questions to his ministers and other courtiers. Some said the king was the most important person, the time of one’s death was the most important time, and serving one’s religion was the most worthwhile karma. Many others had different answers like one’s child or one’s parent was the most important person, the time of birth was the most important time and charity was the most important karma. Some said God was the most important person, many said it was the farmer, some replied it was the soldier, and so on and so forth.

Meeting with the yogi

The king wasn’t satisfied with the responses. The three questions were put to his subjects too but no one could provide a satisfactory answer. Finally, his chief minister suggested that the king should visit a sage who lived on the top of a mountain. Promptly, the arrangements were made and the king was on his way with his entourage. It was a steep climb and a few hours later he found himself outside the cave of the yogi. As was the custom, he left his sword outside the door, prostrated before the sage and posed his questions. In response, the sage took him to the edge of a cliff, a nearby high point overlooking the entire kingdom. The king was looking at his vast dominion and feeling good about his life thus far when he was interrupted by a voice behind him.

“Turn around,” it said.

The king turned towards the voice and saw the sage pointing the sword at the king’s heart, just a few millimetres away. “O king!” the sage continued, “do you know now, who is the most important person, what is the most important time and what is the most important karma?” The king was startled. After his heart skipped a beat, a calm feeling swept over his entire being and his eyes twinkled. He bowed as much in reverence as affirmation. The sage handed back the sword. The king expressed his gratitude and returned to his palace.

The sage’s answers

His courtiers asked him the next day if he got a satisfactory answer and if so, they were quite eager to know as well, they said. “Yes,” said the king. “The sage answered all the three questions in an instant. Just when I was in awe looking at my colossal kingdom from the edge, I realised the most worthwhile karma for me was to continue to love and care for my subjects. I am a king because of my subjects, I realised. And then the sage appeared with my sword in his hand. I was a few moments away from death. I realised the most important time is “now”. At that moment, past didn’t matter and I had no future. Now was the only moment I had, it is the only time I have, and it will be the only time I’ll ever have.”

The king went quiet in reflection. A minute ticked by.

“And Your Majesty,” the minister said, “who is the most important person?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. But not you.”

“Your wisdom is beyond my grasp, Your Grace.”

“The most important person is the person you are with,” the king clarified. “Therefore, you are the most important person right now.”

When I first came across this story by Leo Tolstoy, I thought only if one could remember these answers, the major aspects of their life would undergo an automatic transformation. The person you are with “now” is the most important person. When you give your sole attention to the person you are dealing with, you boost their self-esteem, you make them feel important, they feel cared for and respected. All the other positive emotions sprout naturally.

And undoubtedly, “now” is the most important time, the most important moment. This is the only moment we can act in. In essence, this is the principle of mindfulness—to give your attention to the present moment.

To be able to love, to be able to care, is the most important karma. It’s the most worthwhile thing you can do with yourself, with others, with your time, with your life. When you are with yourself, love yourself; when you are with someone else, give them your undivided attention. You will accomplish lot more in lot less.

The most important feeling

Lastly, what is the most important feeling? Is it success? Is it feeling in control? Being in love? To be loved? Is it to feel important? No, not in my world. The most important feeling, in my view, is to feel contented. When you are contented, you feel strong, you feel peaceful, you overflow with love and compassion, you sleep in peace, you wake up happy, all your struggles disappear and everything looks in place. To quote Shakespeare:

And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in everything.

When you are with yourself, you are the most important person; don’t devote your thoughts and energy to meaningless grudges of the past. Negative thoughts have never propelled anyone into positivity. Go on now! Be with the person you are with, doing the most important karma.

The post A fable that answers life’s important questions appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Do you rush to rescue your child?

Some parents personalise their child’s failures. When we over identify with our child, we feel all of their experiences as if they were our own. This is not only unhealthy for us, but it is unhealthy for our children. Our children have their own strengths and weaknesses. Their struggles are not our struggles. We are only there to support our children along the way. When parents feel the bumps of their children’s lives too deeply, they will do anything to rescue their child from hurt, pain or failure. They are quick to rush to the school to argue a low grade. They are at the sidelines, yelling at the referee during a sporting event. They are up late at night finishing their child’s school project because their child didn’t manage their time well.

When we rescue our children, we steal from them an important life experience—failure. We create a false sense of success. When these children grow up they are ill-equipped at handling failure because they never had to experience it as a child. Instead of rescuing our children, we inadvertently set them up for long-term struggle. As parents we have the opportunity to teach our children how to move past failure and disappointment. We can give them the tools to not only get through failure, but to thrive past it.

We can do that by conveying these messages to our children:

Everyone fails

Let your child know that everyone fails. That failing is a part of life. Tell them that they didn’t come out of the womb walking. They had to fall hundreds of times before their body learned the art of walking. Tell them that some of our greatest minds failed. Albert Einstein didn’t learn to read until he was seven years old. Thomas Edison’s light bulb invention failed 1,000 times before he was successful.

Share with your child some of your own failures. Letting your child know that you are fallible will help them see that failure is normal and that it happens to everyone.

Failure is part of success

Without failure none of us would ever experience success. When we fail, we are given the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and do it better. Help your child explore what they have learned from their failure. How would they do it better next time? Try to be motivating and not overly critical. Most children are already feeling pretty bad about themselves when they experience failure. You berating them won’t make them do better next time. For instance if your child did poorly on an exam you may say, “You didn’t study. You deserve that grade because you didn’t put in any effort.” While this may be true it isn’t going to inspire your child to do better next time. Instead, re-frame the failure by saying something like, “When you study you do well. You are intelligent and I love how you learn things so quickly. Next time, I know if you work harder on your subjects, you’ll do great on the exam.”

Failure is part of the process

Failure is often part of the process. Thomas Edison wouldn’t have been able to develop the light bulb if he hadn’t failed a thousand times. It was in those failures that he was given the clues on how to continually improve his project and eventually make one of the most important inventions of our time. Ask your child if they can think of a time their failure made them improve. Did they get better at a sport after practising? Did they learn how to balance on a bike after falling? Help your child make these connections.

It is your effort that matters

Focus on praising your child’s effort. If one child studied for five hours and got a low grade on an exam and the other didn’t study at all and got a perfect score, which child deserves more praise? When you only focus on results and not on the process, your child can get the wrong message. You want to foster hard work and praise effort, even if the end result is less than perfect.

As parents we understand failure well. Parenthood can be a struggle and most of us have felt failure at some point during the journey. If we can help our children see failure as a learning opportunity, we will be teaching them one of the greatest life lessons.

The post Have you taught your child the importance of failing? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

I went back to reading a book while my daughter watched the protagonist, Hrithik Roshan, being bullied by a group of older boys. Suddenly my daughter asked, “Mamma, why is Hrithik behaving like a child, even though he is a big boy? Why does his mom take care of him? Why does he still play with small children?”

“Hrithik is playing the role of a special and different child in this movie,” I replied thinking that it will satisfy her curiosity. However, it fanned it further as she brought forth a new thread for discussion.

“Oh! You mean he is like that boy we saw the other day on the train.”

I nodded, but wondered what she was talking about.

After a few minutes, she came up to me, pulled the book from my hand and asked, “Mamma, just like some people don’t have arms and legs, I think that Hrithik doesn’t have brains in this movie. What do you think?” I wasn’t prepared for the direction in which our interaction was headed. As parents, we unconsciously avoid sensitive topics like sexuality, death and divorce. Likewise, we never discuss physical or mental challenges, especially with our children, but that Sunday afternoon, my six-year-old decided to delve deeper.

Children haven’t yet acquired the ability to distort and filter and this innocence makes them connect

Unfounded fears

I knew that there were some differently abled children in her school. However, on that day my daughter revealed that she had been paired with a special child at her school. She was given the responsibility to help him with their regular tasks. I was shocked and not at all comfortable with this revelation. I felt scared and immediately started wondering, “What if this boy hits my daughter?”, “What if my daughter scores low grades?”, “What if she becomes less attentive?”, ”What if he tears her notebooks?” and so on.

“Mamma, Vihaan is so talented, he made a beautiful nature painting the other day. And he also taught me how to paint a morning sky,” she said, breaking my train of thought. Then she also narrated an instance when some boys were teasing Vihaan and a group of girls stopped them with a warning.

At once my fear dissipated and I laughed at myself. Here I was, concerned that being friends with a differently abled child might affect my daughter’s grades, and there she was so at ease with him. In fact she was excited about learning new things from him.

I realised that we have lost the natural comfort that children are able to share with everyone. They haven’t yet acquired the ability to distort and filter and this innocence makes them connect.

Instead of focussing on what they can’t do, we should encourage children to improve the skills and talents they possess

Lessons I learnt

The other day in a public playground, we met a girl with Down syndrome and while some children refused to play with this cute girl, my daughter went ahead and sat on the swing next to her. I watched in pride as other children soon followed my daughter’s lead. This time I wasn’t terrified or anxious and allowed my daughter to enjoy this experience of connecting with another child.

My six-year-old taught me a few powerful lessons about children with special needs.

Encouragement

Though Vihaan couldn’t write quickly or run fast, he was very good in art and made masterpieces and that was his special talent. Instead of focussing on what they can’t do, we should encourage children to improve the skills and talents they possess. Not only will this help them excel, it will also boost their morale and self-esteem—two powerful emotions that special children require more than most.

Acceptance

When we acknowledge that they are human just like the rest of us, it changes our perspective and the way we treat special children [and adults too]. Instead of being indifferent, if we show them empathy, we can help make their life beautiful and meaningful. As social animals, we all crave acceptance, so we ought to treat each other with respect and embrace our differences.

Steer clear of labelling

Hyperactive, ADHD, OCD, autistic—we have so many labels for a child’s behaviour and I feel this can limit their abilities. Instead of labelling them, what if we try to look for ways to help them deal with their behaviour more effectively? Special or not, each child faces challenges and as an adult I believe we should empower them to deal with these challenges.

Angela Schwindt sums it up beautifully in her words. “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” That Sunday afternoon changed the way I looked at special children and maybe that’s when I was inspired to learn more about human psychology and to become a therapist.

The post What My Daughter Taught Me About Differently-Abled Children appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Manoj Khatri met up with Jose Ruiz to talk about his latest book My Good Friend The Rattlesnake, in which he reveals breathtaking details of an extraordinary life that made him the messenger of love that he is today.

Here are excerpts of the chat.

Manoj Khatri: What made you write My Good Friend the Rattlesnake after co-authoring The Fifth Agreement and Ripples of Wisdom with your father?

don Jose Ruiz: I’ve been fortunate to be able to share the Toltec teachings in conferences and lectures around the world. After one point, I started sharing my experiences, rather than standing on a pedestal and preaching. I started opening my heart out to the audiences. When I began doing that, it was like a cleansing for me. Sometimes people from the audience would come to me after the session and ask me to make my lectures into a book, but I didn’t think about it much. One day someone came to me and said, “When you share your story I feel that enlightenment is reachable. Before that I always felt that it was a point I could not reach, that it was not for me. But when I listen to you I feel that we are all the same.” And when I heard that I told my partner we have to make this happen, we have to bring out the book.

Writing this book would have taken a lot of courage; you have revealed a lot of uncomfortable stories about your past. Was it difficult to be so open?

Yes, initially I found it challenging. But when we were putting it onto paper we said, “You know what, this is powerful. As we are voicing it out, we are able to listen to ourselves. If we are aware of what we want to let go of and delete, it will be deleted. But if we’re not honest and just pretend, the negative will always remain inside of us.” I have learned that no one else can judge me if I don’t judge myself. I have realised that judgements are mere illusions. With this awareness, I began voicing out my past. I said to myself that if I’m able to voice my life honestly, no one can step on my tail. At that moment I became free from my past.

What made you choose such a unique title?

I believe that we are all a bit like the rattlesnake. When the rattlesnake is young it cannot control its poison. Even a small bite and its poison can kill you. But when it grows and becomes mature, it learns to control its poison.

In the same way, when we are young we are full of anger or hurt, we say things we don’t really mean and we cannot control our negativity. But later, just like the rattlesnake, we also mature; we learn to control our poison. To be honest, there is negativity inside my head even now—the difference is that now I can control it. I’m in charge of it, so it cannot get out and hurt me or others.

Tell us more…

When I began writing the book, it was for me. Later, I felt that this book will help anyone who is willing to see their own past—all the judgements and all the shame—they can look at them and let it all go. They will learn that it is possible for them to let it go, as I did.

When I was going through a rough patch my father asked me, “Why are you living this kind of life?” and I gave him all kinds of excuses. And he said to me, “You are suffering because you are addicted to suffering.” And when I heard that, a part of me wanted to defend myself. It was the mask I was wearing that was defensive. But the truth was that I was indeed addicted to suffering.

When the rattlesnake sheds its skin in the desert, it leaves its skin behind and goes forward. It doesn’t look back at that skin. One day I was thinking to myself that if I was a rattlesnake, I would not appear as a little snake crawling, but a big mountain of dead skins. Because I had been collecting all my dead skins in the form of negative past memories [laughs]. When I used to speak to a person who is going through some suffering at the moment, I would go back in my memory and pull out one of my dead skins—lets say skin number 67. And then I would just speak about myself and not even listen to the other person. That’s what addiction of suffering means.

How do we drop this addiction? How do we let go of the shame and guilt we feel for the past?

The first cure for suffering is to admit that you are addicted to it and that you have hurt yourself with the things that you may have done [or not done]. And in the Toltec tradition, there is nothing to learn but there are things to unlearn. The word Toltec means artist. Artists do away with everything that takes their inspiration away—so that they can deliver the purest and divine art that they create from the heart. While writing these books with my partner, I discovered the meaning of my life is to take care of ‘Jose’. Because I know what makes Jose happy and I know what makes Jose suffer. And how do I speak for Jose? Because I am Jose! [laughs]. Like everyone is himself or herself.

So when we are suffering, we have to look at it with honesty and acceptance. And ask: what can I do to change it? That’s how we bring the light where there was darkness. With this we are able to reach a level where we can have respect, both for what’s in us and what’s outside us. From that point on, we can live the ultimate dream, which is service. But we cannot give what we don’t have. Only when we serve ourselves we can serve others. Because when we serve others but we don’t serve ourselves, we are preparing something that is going to end up poisoning us. When we build love inside of our heart and make peace, then it is the resurrection of the embodiment of love. And this is the whole point of this book—to show that anyone can resurrect the embodiment of the love because that’s what we really are. It is just to let go the illusion of the past.

What was your turning point in life?

I was born with an open happy heart, but then every little kid wants to grow up fast and hang out with the older kids. The first time I got invited to a shamanatic ceremony, I was accompanying my father. I was the only kid there, so I thought, “Wow, now I’m like one of the adults.” And I noticed that everyone was doing a ceremony. There was a large stick with eagle feathers on top of it and they passed it around. The person with the stick would get a chance to talk. And everyone told a story of suffering. As the stick was passed on, it seemed as if they were competing on who was suffering the most. And then when it came to me, I didn’t have any such story. But it planted a seed in my head—that in order to be an adult, you need to have drama, suffering and pain in your life. So my little mind went to look for it and I started hanging out with the negative crowd. And all of a sudden I became lost in this crowd; I became a part of it. I went into drug addiction and gangs until one incident that changed my life.

I was planning to go with my friends to the beach one day when my father came to pick me up. I told him that I didn’t want to go with him, that I wanted to go with my friends. But he took me home with him and later I heard the news about my friends’ car being involved in an accident; my best friend passed away in that accident. That’s when it got me thinking—it could have been me. And that incident represents a line in my life, a line where I made the jump from the negative side to the positive side.

Are you saying that suffering is like an infection we acquire from the adults around us?

Yes, it is something that is passed on to us; especially the stories. Because, the emotions are real, but the stories are not. And we go to war for our stories. But they’re just stories, you know. When we wake up, we will know that there is nothing to debate on, we just have to accept everybody’s art because we all are artists.

You mean, we have to appreciate the differences

Absolutely! We can’t be promoting competition or nurturing envy—we have to just accept one another. We have to accept that individuals express art in different ways—in action, words, songs, actions, paintings, our work or in anything we ‘be’ or ‘do’.

In your teenage and young adulthood, there seemed to be a pattern of destructive behaviour. When you look back, do you think those things were necessary for you to arrive at where you are today?

Every negative event in my life was supposed to happen. First of all, because it happened; I cannot say it was not meant to happen. But thanks to them, I know how we create suffering and pain when we go against ourselves. Every morning I have a tickle in my brain when I think, “Oh my God! I survived that kind of life.” So what does that make me? It makes me grateful to be alive and to know that there is nothing to do but to serve. Because this body is lent to us to serve the divine; even those who serve negativity are, in one sense, serving the divine. How is that, you ask? Because it helps the divine wake up and gather the courage to stand up—that’s what my negativity did for me.

And how do we deal with the negativity inside us?

I can tell you how I deal with it. There’s a story of Jesus of Nazareth going to the dessert to talk to the serpent, who represents the devil. I know from my understanding that that serpent was his own negativity. So when I get into a moment of negativity, I move away from my loved ones. I don’t want to say things I don’t mean; for, when we are in pain, we say things that we do not mean [that’s our way of calling for help]. So I go away and wait till I get calmer, and when I’m completely calm, when I can feel it in my body, it’s time to take action. Your body is like a pet—it’s loyal to you no matter what you do.

You share a wonderful relationship with your father but at any point of time did he find it challenging to raise you?

My father always had unconditional love for me, he was very supportive. It was me who was running away, wanting to get attention. Once I read an interview of my father in Oprah Winfrey’s magazine where Ellen DeGeneres asked my father, “Is there something that makes you react, may be when someone cuts you off in a traffic?” And my father said, “It’s my son Jose, he’s 17 years old. As a parent, having the patience is tough.”

When I read that, I realised I’m hurting my father so much. My father was always present. I can say that it was me trying to get attention and manipulating his love. For when he would talk, I pretended not to listen, but I always listened.

Can you share some experience where you witnessed the power of the four agreements that your father teaches?

One of the things that my father teaches is to be impeccable with your word, which I now practise. I know that it is a gift to be able to think impeccably. But you have to apply this in a disciplined way.

Once I wanted to die and I jumped into the ocean. I was being tossed around in the waves; the current was so strong that it seemed to pull me down further and further under the surface. My body felt like a rag doll, and the ocean threw me around, beating me up as if it were angry at me. I struggled and struggled until I finally gave up and relaxed my body. I felt myself becoming submerged, and I knew I was drowning, so I began praying to Mother Ocean. “I don’t want to die, I want to live. If you let me go, I give my word that I will spend my life serving others by doing what my family does.” And at that moment, something magical happened. I know that the ocean is alive because I spoke to it, and it listened and it pulled me out and it saved my life. Each time after that, if I went off my life’s path, my life would turn into complete chaos. That’s when I really understood the first agreement of my father—to say what we mean—because when we say what we don’t mean, that’s going to happen. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we blurt out mean things to a loved one: “I don’t want to be with you” and “I don’t love you anymore”—then that is going to become a reality. You are going to hurt your dream just because of one petty negative moment. That’s why it is so important to be impeccable with our words.

What’s your advice to parents?

We have to have the awareness that if we don’t mould our own children, somebody else will. So it’s better to give what you have in our heart, share the positive—if they listen, they listen; if they don’t, they don’t. I can tell you that I was a very rebellious kid and did a lot of things that my family didn’t approve of. I was in the dark and going against myself and in those times the things that they had taught me stayed in my head. My father had given me those tools to return back home.

Another thing is to always remember that you are your child’s parent—not her friend. And this is crucial in the growing up years, before they become adults.

What, according to you, is wrong with humanity today?

We don’t value our authenticity, we don’t value our love for creativity, we are programmed to put ourselves down, to judge ourselves. Its like my grandma once said, “We’re like the scorpion that stings itself with its own tail. It paralyses itself with its own poison.” This will stop the moment humanity wakes up. And I’m very happy to say that humanity is waking up and now, with the power of technology at our disposal, it’s even better. You know, when the young boys from the villages speak up—about the abuses and the injustices they face—they speak with courage. And that courage wouldn’t come alive if fear wasn’t present. When I was growing up, fear was a big teacher—it taught me to stand up for myself. And when I stood up for myself, fear became an ally; it warned me now to take care of myself and not to paralyse myself.

In your book you say, “The world is getting more and more aware of and open to the idea that humanity is a whole and there is no separation”. What makes you so optimistic?

We all have dark moments, but those who go through darkness and return, bring the light with them. They bring answers of how to deal with the negativity. There are only two languages spoken around the world—negative and positive. And if you speak the negative language, everything will be negative. But the moment you get tired of speaking the negative language, [that could happen by an experience that wakes you up] then you choose to speak the positive language. And then your whole world begins to light up.

It is my belief that all of us will get to that point; some may take longer. Take my own example: every time I made a mistake and then rectified it, my father would say to me, “Welcome back home.” And then, when I made more mistakes, he would keep saying “Welcome back home”…again and again and again. No matter how dark our past, no matter what horrific thing we have done, we can always return home. Because we’re always home, we just didn’t want to believe it.

Someone once said to my father that I wish humanity would make it. And my father replied, “But it is making it”. Especially in the last 150 years, changes are happening. And when everyone becomes authentic to themselves, the world will completely change.

You visited India when you were 17. Tell us what you remember most about that experience?

During one of my last days in India, as I was preparing to travel home, Master Kaleshwar said to me, “Do you want a spiritual name?” I said, “I’m just happy to be in your presence and it is enough for me.” And he asked me, “Do you love India?” I said I love India very much and it’s funny because that day I was wearing an ‘I Love India’ t-shirt and I showed it to him [laughs]. And he said, “With great honour I would like to give you the name Kaleshwar.”

Other than the Toltec teachings, who else has had an influence on your spiritual growth?

Many masters. I remember having an altar in my home where I have idols of different masters and deities from different cultures. One friend came to visit me and said, “Jose, you’re contradicting yourself right here.” I said, “No I’m not, I’m just being grateful to all the messengers of love that have different gardens of love. Because they all represent how to deal with negativity and suffering. They all help us to go back to the heart. Some people like roses and others like daisies—you just embrace whatever inspires you. There is no competition or separation.

It has been a pleasure talking to you Jose. Thank you for sharing your insights with us.

Thank you for the opportunity, brother.

This was first published in the February 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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There are beautiful spring flowers all around the countryside where I live. It’s almost as if one moment there was no sign of them and then all of a sudden they appeared in their uplifting glory. My eyes are blessed with a swathe of bright yellow, cream and purple petals. Some are wild flowers, some have been purposefully planted but they are all beautiful.

And this got me thinking. We can learn so much from nature and flowers are no exception. Inspired by Voltaire’s philosophy and enlivened by this leap forward in nature, what lessons can we garner from flowers about living a happier, more positive life?

1. Be part of a network

Many studies suggest that interpersonal relationships can have a multitude of benefits. From reducing our susceptibility to minor ailments such as colds to extending our longevity, social contact is considered to be extremely powerful.

In our busy lives, it’s easy to be drawn into working hard for long hours and for social or family time to fall to the bottom of the list.

Flowers are part of a vital network which keeps the world of nature turning. They attract bees and other animals to them who aid the pollination process that in turn ensures the spread of a new generation of seeds and seedlings. Moreover, flowers provide sustenance for a whole host of creatures including bats, primates, ants, butterflies and beetles.

We may not always feel like it, but we too each have something special and unique to offer the world. It might be tempting to shut ourselves away on darker days but we cannot exist in isolation forever.

Although others may seem different to us [for example, we may not share the same values] we are all still part of the same ecosystem and we depend upon one another for our wellbeing and survival.

Pick up the phone, speak to your neighbour, or arrange to meet a friend or family member for dinner, and volunteer in your community. The ‘to do’ pile will always be there but those who are special to us may not. Find a way to connect with someone today.

2. Don’t give up

Think of a seed or a bulb planted in late autumn or early spring. From this moment, the seed’s goal is to grow into a flower which is rooted and alive. Often, seeds will have to endure changes in soil temperature, fluctuations in the amount of moisture they receive and animals trying to dig them up as food. But they persevere and they emerge.

It can be very tempting to think that if we aren’t presented with the exact conditions we believe we need to succeed at something that we simply won’t succeed. This doesn’t have to be the case.

Whatever you’re trying to do in life, you have already begun to be successful by starting step one: trying.

From here on, think of yourself as an emerging seedling. Don’t give up and, like an emerging flower, be willing to adapt to your changing circumstances.

Think of a seedling growing on the tiniest patch of soil emerging from a crack in concrete. Although not an ‘ideal’ environment, the seed makes what it can of it nonetheless.

3. Enjoy the sunshine

All too often, we rush about in life [myself included] and are too preoccupied to appreciate the glory of days.

Flowers open their petals when the sun is shining and bask in the sun’s warmth. All things need energy to grow. Plants use the sun’s light to photosynthesise and produce food.

Whilst we eat food to physically sustain our energy levels, we also need to ensure that our emotional health is taken care of. Pausing to enjoy the sunshine, whether it’s sunny outside or not, is a step in living life rather than just surviving it.

When I was walking earlier, although I had set myself a ‘time limit’, I allowed myself to stop and observe a few things as I trundled down the lanes. Because this was a change in the pace of my day, it felt good. In those moments, I was really present and engaged with myself and my surroundings.

Every day is a gift – try to look at what you can appreciate in each one.

4. Take time to rest

Have you ever noticed that some flowers close their petals at night? There seem to be a number of theories for this. It isn’t thought that these flowers are sleeping but that they may be conserving energy and protecting their pollen until the day time. This way, they can benefit from pollination during daylight hours when most insects are active.

Whilst we are caught up in our daily lives, we may not allow ourselves time for a good night’s sleep let alone take a five-minute break during the day. Our bodies need time to heal and repair physically which they do when we are sleeping. Plus, our mind and emotions need a break too.

Even a minute’s repose can be beneficial. I’ve recently begun to train to teach Tai Chi Movements for Well-being and, as part of this, undertake daily practise. Sometimes I manage twenty minutes and sometimes I manage one.

When you think about it, one minute (or even five) out of your day is nothing. Don’t know where to begin? Try sitting on a chair and closing your eyes – set a timer if you think you might keep checking the clock. Breathe slowly and deeply and focus on the in and out breath, keeping your body as relaxed as possible.

A short walk, a few minutes listening to music, stretching, taking a nap, playing your favourite musical instrument, writing a journal or singing are just some of the ways to take a break. Do whatever you enjoy and what works for you.

5. Be graceful as your blooms change

To paraphrase an ancient Greek Philosopher, Herakleitos is believed to have said that the only constant in life is change.

I find that this is a useful philosophy because change seems to be one of the hardest concepts for us as humans to accept. Like us, flowers pass through phases of change, from seedling to plant. There are times when they move outward to bloom and times when they move inward to rest and rejuvenate. Their lives may be temporary but they can still be meaningful and full of life in those moments.

Try not to get caught up in attempting to hold onto the past. Each moment is a moment of your life, your existence. Live your life now.

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A religious person should explore in every possible way, should try to experience life in all its tastes—sweet and bitter, good and bad. The really religious person will be very experimental. He will experiment with music, he will experiment with dance, he will experiment with poetry, with painting, with sculpture, with architecture. He will go on experimenting with everything…everything that becomes available; he will be a child exploring everything. And that makes your inner life rich.

Do you know, all great discoveries are made by people who are not one-dimensional? One-dimensional people can never make discoveries; it is impossible, because a discovery happens only like crossbreeding. A mathematician starts writing poetry: now you can be certain something is on the way. His whole training is that of a mathematician, his approach is that of mathematics, and he starts writing poetry. Now, no poet can write poetry like this; this is going to be something new, because something of the mathematics is bound to filter in. And mathematics and poetry having a meeting is a crossbreeding.

Scientists say children that are born out of crossbreeding are stronger, more beautiful, more intelligent. But man is so stupid that he never learns. Now, everybody knows that it is good to bring an English bull for an Indian cow; that is perfectly beautiful and that is being done. But as far as man is concerned we remain stupid. It would be beautiful if people marry different races, different backgrounds, different cultures. A Siberian marrying someone in Africa—then something, some miracle, is really going to happen.

Experiment, experience as many dimensions as are available to you. Become a gardener, become a shoemaker, become a carpenter. All dimensions have to be made available, and people have to experiment and enjoy and explore. It is not that when you do some scientific work, something happens only in the outside world. When you are doing some scientific work, something happens inside your consciousness: your consciousness starts taking a form, a scientific form. If this person starts painting, then the painting will have something of the science in it. And if the painter starts becoming a physicist, certainly his vision is going to give birth to new things.

All great discoveries up to now have been made by people who were trained for something else, but were courageous enough to enter into arenas where they were amateurs. Less courageous people remain clinging with the thing that they know best. Then they go on doing it their whole life. And the more they do it, the more efficient they become; the more efficient they become, the less capable they become of trying anything new.

A country remains alive only if people are multidimensional. America is now the most alive country in the world for the simple reason that people are trying every kind of thing. From mathematics to meditation, everything is being tried. In America, people go on changing their jobs—three years is the average limit when people change their jobs. Three years also is the average limit when people change their towns. Three years is also the average limit when people change their spouses. The number three is very esoteric.

When a man has lived with many women, has done many kinds of work—has been a cobbler, a carpenter, an engineer, a painter and a musician—naturally he is rich. Each woman that he has lived with has imparted some colour to him, and each work that he has done has opened a new door into his being. Slowly slowly, many doors of his being are opening; his consciousness expands, he becomes huge, enormous.

You are your experience. Hence, experience more. Before settling, experience as much as possible. The real person never settles; the real person always remains homeless, a wanderer, a vagabond, a vagabond of the soul. He remains continually in search, he remains an inquirer, a learner—he never becomes learned. Don’t be in a hurry to become learned, remain a learner. To become learned is ugly, to remain a learner has tremendous beauty and grace in it, because it is life itself.

Whatsoever you are learning, learn it in its totality. Don’t let it be just a hit-and-run affair, go into it as if it is your whole life. Stake everything! Be total, whatsoever you do, because it is only out of totality that one learns. It is only when you are totally into something that mysteries are revealed to you. If you are totally in love, then love reveals its mysteries; if you are totally in poetry, then the world of poetry opens its heart.

If you are totally in love with anything, that is the only possible way to have a rapport with that certain dimension. So be total, and go to the very depth of it. Don’t just go on swimming in many rivers; become a diver, go to the rock bottom of everything—because the deeper you go into anything, the more and more deep you will become. Depth calls the depth, height provokes the height. Whatsoever we are doing outside, simultaneously starts happening inside. This is a fundamental law of life.

Discipline in many, many things. Be total, go into depth, to the very roots of everything—because the secrets are in the roots, they are not in the flowers; flowers are only expressions of joy. Secrets are always hidden in darkness. You will have to go into dark depths, then only you will know the secrets. And the more you experience life in its multidimensionality, the richer your soul will be. It depends on you, how rich you make your soul, or how poor you live.

Millions of people are living a life of poverty—and I don’t necessarily mean the outer poverty. I know rich people, and so poor that sometimes even beggars are richer than they are. They can afford everything but have never experimented with anything. They are simply vegetating comfortably. Simply dying, slowly slowly…existing comfortably, but not living—no intensity, no flair, no flame, no fire, just a cold life. Comfortably they will live and comfortably they will die—but they will never have lived.

Death is the ultimate mystery. That gift is given only to those who have lived really intensely, who have burned their torch of life from both the ends together. Only then it happens sometimes that in a single moment of intensity the whole life is revealed.

Excerpted from The Book of Wisdom Courtesy: Osho International Foundation/www.osho.com

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