Why bother to holiday with the parents-in-law

Having said that, it does not mean that your parents and you, living in separate universes, do not meet. It is a given that you and your spouse will create opportunities to meet the parents. If you are staying in the same city as the parents then celebrations, weekends, dining-out, movies are all occasions to strengthen bonds and show that out-of-sight is not out of mind. However, if you all are staying in different cities then the occasions are a few and the time spent short and precious.

Holidaying with your spouse and the folks is an opportunity to bring the two universes together and revel in the occasion. However, to ensure that the universes do not cataclysmically disintegrate [yes I am being dramatic] during this moment in time you need to keep a few things in mind.

Your spouse and you are a team

This needs to be stated at the outset to ensure that you do not spend too much time with your folks at the cost of your spouse and your spouse does not ignore your folks to your chagrin and their discomfort. As a unit you not only have each others backs but work together to make this outing for the parents an enjoyable and memorable one. As a team, work not only reduces but there is appreciation for what the other brings to the moment.

Discuss and find common interests

Discussing holiday plans with your spouse and parents provides more things to do as interests, not known till then, may align. Thus the holiday entourage can split into smaller groups ensuring others are not forced to do things they are not interested in. Common interests could become a corner stone to improve interpersonal relationships.

Spousal spats should not be public

Spousal infractions are a given and there is no right time for one. However, when holidaying with your parents it would be best to let go in order to avoid these tiffs. Such fights tend to weaken the holiday mood and unnecessarily give your parents a reason to worry.

Spend time with the folks

You and your spouse should independently spend some time with the parents. This is a chance for them to bring you upto speed on how they are enjoying the holiday.

Include your spouse during reminiscing sessions

Unwinding during holidays can bring back a flood of family memories. These discussions unfortunately may keep out the spouse. These are occasions to bring your spouse upto date on family history and share your memories. It is also an occasion for your spouse to see your parents in a different light – as young people far removed from who they are now.

Do something special with your spouse

Just because your parents are along does not mean that you cannot plan something with your spouse. Remember the holiday is as much about bonding with the parents as it is about the spouse. Plan your holiday to include time just for the two of you. Your spouse will love it, you will enjoy it and your parents may just get the time they wanted but were unwilling to ask for.

When holidaying with both set of parents

Holidaying with both set of parents can be like juggling with knives. However, it need not be so if you are mindful of the above and the following points:

Do not spend time on your parents only

It is not surprising if you wish to show more concern and make more effort for your parents. After all being their child you want to make their holiday special. It may also be that you do not get along with your in-laws. On the other hand you may want to do more for the in-laws because it makes your spouse happy or just because you like them. Whatever may be the case it may lead to some heartburn for the other party. Therefore it is important that your spouse and you communicate as a team to ensure both sets of parents are given equal attention.

Stop any attempts at family competitions

Attempts to stand out are natural. Parents would like to believe that they and their children are special, they would like to crow about success, sacrifices and unique experiences. Sometimes this is done unconsciously. However, any form of one-upmanship must be nipped in the bud. What matters now is that your spouse thinks you are special and that the two of you together live through the successes and sacrifices that knock on your door.

Do not interfere in a spat between your spouse and his/her parent

Adults will always be seen as children by their parents. The conundrum is that parents love to give advice and also seek counsel from their grownup children. So even on such vacations there will be occasions for child-parent tiffs. Though you may want to douse this flareup and or support your spouse, do not. Unless called to intervene, it is best to let the spat die a natural death and then talk to your spouse and parents separately.

Find occasions for the two sets of in-laws to do things together

In other words find time for yourself and your spouse to do things together. Such vacations are also about your fledgling family memories that you two create. In the planning stage you could suggest things that the two sets of parents can do together whilst clearly indicating that you would like to spend some alone time with your spouse.

Parent child interaction differ from family to family. These differences are in your face when you and your spouse together vacation with your parents. The expectations of your parents and those of your in-laws need to be balanced against those of your relationship with your spouse. In conclusion one must remember what Henry Miller said, ‘One’s destination is never a place, but always a new way of seeing things.’ which can extend to holidays with your spouse and parents.

The post When you decide to take your parents-in-law on a vacation appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Having said that, you need to take care of a few things to ensure everyone enjoys this adventure.

Health

Do visit the doctor and get a health check up done for your parents, preferably before making any bookings. Also ensure that you carry a health certificate from the doctor [especially when flying and travelling abroad].

Medicines

Carry the prescribed medicines and prescriptions for the duration of the trip. Carrying their medical files may be helpful if it is a long holiday. If travelling abroad, keep in mind the time difference as this will impact the schedule of medications. Confer with your doctor on how this needs to be dealt with.

Insurance

Insurance has become an important part of the everyday, especially if one works in the private sector. Buying travel insurance is vital to meet any exigencies when travelling abroad . Even within India it becomes important when vacationing with the elderly. Air ambulances do not come cheap. There is the added benefit of being treated by doctors who know the patients medical history.

Booking a hotel

When booking a hotel one usually checks for deals, location, free buffets etc. However, when travelling with elderly parents there are other issues that need to be kept in mind:

• Presence of a bathtub in the bathroom. A bathtub can be a physical hazard for the elderly because they may not only find it difficult to raise their leg to enter and get out of the tub but also could lose their balance in the process.
• Provision of bathroom stools for your parents to sit and bathe.
• Distance of your room from the restaurant.
• Dietary requirements. Eg: In Asia, most often vegetarian food is cooked with fish sauce.
• Provision for a bidet-spray in the toilet. [Some hotels and cruise liners only provide toilet paper]

Booking tours within the city

Do ascertain the quantum of walking that is required when booking a city tour. Tour operators may be able to make provision for wheelchairs if they are informed in advance. Also clarify if a wheel chair attendant will be provided. It would be best if parents carry their own bags that have snacks, water, medicines.

Air tickets

There are many boxes to tick when buying air tickets:

• Ensure that you inform the airlines that you are travelling with senior citizens {and whether you require wheelchairs}. Keep in mind, some airlines offer a senior citizen discount.
• As some airlines use the same wheel chair for different flights ensure that the wheel chair is with you from check-in to boarding so that your parents can be ferried to the toilet when required.
• Ensure they wear comfortable clothes and shoes for the flight.
• For long haul flights ensure they walk and stretch on the flight to avoid cramps or DVT [deep vein thrombosis].

Dietary habits

Travelling is an opportunity to experience new cultures through food. If there are dietary restrictions then do get the hotel reception to write, in the local language, the dietary restrictions.

Maintaining a schedule

Keeping to a schedule ensures nobody gets tired, medicines are had on time and everyone is prepared. This also preps your parents for the day, as surprises can be disconcerting for the elderly. The schedule should cater to time requirements of your parents. Things that should be kept in mind include sleep patterns and morning routines. Rushing unnecessarily increases everyone’s stress levels and compromises the potential for fun.

Keeping your parents informed

Discuss the trip with your parents and get their inputs. Part of maintaining a schedule is keeping your parents informed. This gives them a sense of control and also ensures that they can suggest changes if required. To help in this communication process you need to:

• Create an excel sheet with activities/flight times and other information which everyone should have
• Go through the excel sheet with them
• Parents should carry a tote bag with their documents, medicines, snacks and water during travel. You could keep a master copy with yourself.

Money

Though as a responsible individual you may wish to spend on your parents, it’s important that they carry their own money too. Parents may not like to ask their children for money and a lack of access to money could dilute their fun. Needless to say, this is an unnecessary form of dependence and should be avoided.

Rest

Flights can be fatiguing, not only because of their duration but also because of the travel and processes before and after the flight. Therefore it is advisable to slot in a day on arrival to recuperate before beginning sightseeing. A day of rest before the flight back home should also be slotted in for the same reason.

Misplacing items

Elderly tend to forget things and this is one of the reasons for things getting misplaced. The stress of the journey can also cause your parents to ‘misplace’ things. Searching for such things add to the stress as it reminds them of their frailty, they feel apologetic for wasting time and adding to your ‘things to do’. The way out is to (1) Keep calm (2) Keep a master copy (3) Keep things in perspective so that these moments are not dwelled on and therefore spoil the holiday.

Me time

Make sure that your parents don’t feel that they are coming in the way of you enjoying yourself on the trip. There is no doubt that you will relish the company of your parents, but you also need to do things that are suitable for your age and interest. Therefore keep some time for yourself. Such occasions can also be an opportunity for your parents to do things on their own or rest.

Decision making

As your parents grow old, they turn to you to help them make decisions. In your holiday there will be many occasions when you will be asked to make decisions, infact you may be making all the decisions. You could be called upon to recollect whether they have had their medications besides being asked to make a decision on what to order. Realise that roles have changed and therefore there you will have to be patient with them. Instead of making decisions suggest options and be supportive. It will reduce pressure on you while increasing opportunities of adventure.

Travelling with your parents takes adventure to a whole new level because now your role is that of an adult who needs to cater to the people who took care of you. These are moments to see new places and surprise each other with personal facets that do not emerge in the everyday. By taking care of these basic things you open the door to experiences to build on memories and foster your relationship with your folks.

The post A complete guide to planning a vacation with senior parents appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.