But I have observed that sometimes life gives you rotten lemons so that all you can do is discard them. What do you do then?

All my life, I have been told by well meaning others that when things go wrong, the one thing that I should not let go of is hope; cling to it for dear life, because letting go of hope means giving up.

No one ever told me that sometimes there’s no scope of doing that. Yet there are times when life corners you in such a way that you have no room for escape.

I have come to realise that these times, when absolutely nothing is going right in your life and the world seems like a hostile place, when there’s simply no way out and you’re filled with feelings of hopelessness, that’s when the greatest opportunity for growth arises.

The Paradox of Hope

The exquisite paradox of life is that when I have nothing left, when I surrender and become open to total annihilation, that’s when, for the first time, I begin to live freely. Only when I lose everything, do I gain life. The irony is that once I accept total destruction, I stare at infinite possibilities. Then, suddenly, a different kind of peace descends and it dawns on me that only in total insecurity lies the opportunity to discover such peace.

This happens because, when there’s nothing more to lose, when nothing more is left in me to be destroyed, or taken away, I can relax—now there’s nothing to protect. No hopes to keep my attention fixed on some possibility in the future. When there’s nothing to look forward to, my attention comes back to where it belongs—on the present moment—and I begin to live and experience life as it is rather than trying to mould it according to my personal hopes and desires.

The Wisdom of No Escape

Pema Chödrön, Buddhist teacher and best-selling author of The Wisdom of No Escape explains, “When we commit ourselves to staying right where we are, then our experiences become very vivid. Things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape.”

When there’s no escape possible, when not even a ray of hope can be seen, then—and only then—can I accept darkness, and even befriend it. When I accept darkness, I begin to develop the ability to see in the dark. What’s more, all my other dormant senses come alive too.

But hope and acceptance don’t go together. Hope is a crutch. Only when I’m totally free of hope, when the ground beneath me disappears, can I learn to fly. That’s why I say, there is value in your feelings of hopelessness.

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“What makes you comfortable can ruin you and only in a state of discomfort can you continually grow,” says Bill Eckstrom who, after documenting and researching over 50,000 coaching interactions in the workplace, shares life-altering, personal and professional development ideas through the introduction of the “Growth Rings.” The rings illustrate how dangerous it can be to remain in a state of comfort and how being in discomfort is the only way to sustain growth. You’ll be amazed at the world-changing outcomes discomfort can have on your life and the lives of others.

If you are too comfortable, you are probably stagnating. “Seeking discomfort may sound odd but you have to learn to embrace it, if you are looking for sustained and exponential growth,” says Bill.

Watch this TEDx Talk to learn why order and comfort are the real threats and how you can go about creating discomfort, and thereby genuine growth, in your life.

About Bill Eckstrom

Bill Eckstrom is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, outdoorsman and father of three. With a passion deeply rooted in growth and development, Bill has always been fascinated by the role a coach has on the performance of individuals and teams. As a result, he founded the EcSell Institute whose sole focus is to educate, track and measure coaching effectiveness for leaders within organizations around the world. This has led to hundreds of keynotes, published articles and e-books created from the research and documentation of coaching interactions and outcomes. You can learn more about the EcSell Institute here: https://www.ecsellinstitute.com/

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She tells us about her excitement and keenness to get the part, her audition, her phone call to her agent, the agent’s response that she won’t get the role because she has no acting experience, her inner turmoil and resistance and her eventual letting go, when she finally surrendered deeply and accepted what is, before the magic phone call she received from director Steven Spielberg informing her that she was selected. Describing her experience, she says, “When you have worked as hard and done as much and striven and tried and given and pleaded and bargained and hoped—surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there is nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself and let it then become a part of the flow.”

Surrender and struggle are really two sides of the same coin

The sentiment behind these words stirred me deeply. I found great resonance with them because I have been through similar situations when, after struggling, striving, praying, wishing and doing everything I could, I would give up. And soon after, whatever I had wanted would miraculously come my way. It’s surreal, this phenomenon.

But this kind of giving up is not the same as resignation—it comes from a deeper place in me. A place of knowing that whatever is happening now is as it should be. That’s when I give up blaming others and I let go of all resistances that were creating resentment, frustration, anger and other negative emotions. I fully accept the situation, without any reservations whatsoever. This acceptance is surrender.

But—and here’s the exquisite paradox—every time I have accepted and surrendered, I have first struggled. In other words, I couldn’t have surrendered before the struggle. There would be no meaning in it. So, surrender and struggle are really two sides of the same coin.

As soon as I let go, life begins to flow

I have come to see struggle as necessary for my growth. I think it builds character and also adds colour to life. I was listening to an Osho talk, in which he explains that without the struggle, it would not have been a great achievement for Edmund Hillary to climb Mount Everest. Hillary’s conquest was worthwhile only because it involved great effort.

Think about it. If you get something easily, do you value it? Value comes from the difficulty that preceded the achievement or acquisition, the greatness comes from the struggle, the toil.

The problem is, I keep forgetting this lesson of life, and the next time I face a challenge, I begin to resist the struggle. Perhaps resisting is also part of the grand design, because unless I resist, I cannot let it go. And as soon as I let go, life begins to flow.

“Suffering is necessary until you realise it is unnecessary,” says Eckhart Tolle. I guess, that’s the purpose of my struggles—to help me understand that I don’t need to struggle. Till this understanding becomes natural to me, I may have to continue to struggle from time to time.

The post The Point of Struggle appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

It’s a bit like in childhood when we feel pain in our gums before the growth of a tooth. As children, we are not aware of what is happening and so we resent the pain and cry from it—we want the pain to end. But the elders around us know that there is a reason behind the pain and they don’t panic. This pain is not to be suppressed or avoided because at the other end of the pain is growth and development.

Life begins with pain. The birth of a baby is painful for the mother and the baby. Out of this pain springs forth the breath of life and a wonderful new relationship. But did you know that babies feel pain even before they are born? Such is our intrinsic relationship with pain.

The wise know that all pain, physical or emotional, is always accompanied with self-growth, even though it may not be apparent to us. All real growth arises out of suffering and pain—courage comes from experiencing fear, compassion comes from knowing apathy, success comes from understanding failure.

It’s in the middle of our greatest challenges that we’re also given the opportunity for our highest growth, our grandest glory

Is Pain Your Enemy?

I like the way how Osho explains that Ram and Ravan are actually two sides of the same coin. Take Ravan out of Ramayan, and suddenly Ram’s greatness shrinks. The purpose of Ravan’s existence was to bring out the innate glory of Ram. So is the case with all suffering. Its purpose is served only if we are present to it, instead of escaping it.

But this goes against what we have come to believe. We have learnt that pain is our enemy—and we must run away from it. We have become conditioned to view pain suspiciously, to avoid it at any cost, to suppress it, and scorn at it, not realizing that life uses pain in its own ingenious ways.

Indeed, it’s in the middle of our greatest challenges that we’re also given the opportunity for our highest growth, our grandest glory. From this perspective, suffering can be viewed as our ally, who has assumed an unpleasant role only to help us reach our own objective of self-awareness. We can view crisis, turmoil, and grief as opportunities for growth.

Pain is not a curse. It’s a part of the natural ebb and flow of life itself, just like pleasure

Becoming Intimate With Pain

To allow this growth, we have to become familiar with the suffering, we have to know it intimately. Pema Chödrön, a Buddhist meditation master, writes in her bestselling book When Things Fall Apart, “To stay with that shakiness—to stay with that broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path.”

Also read » Pain: A blessing, not a curse

Pain is not a curse. It’s a part of the natural ebb and flow of life itself, just like pleasure. We have to learn not to deaden our pain or ignore it. We have to learn to allow it and view it with compassion instead of disdain. It is difficult to do—but the promise it carries within it is of authentic freedom and self-discovery.

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