And “self” has many forms. There is the body-self which keeps us imprisoned to the desires and appetites of the body. These desires are as a fire which rages within us, robbing us of the joy of life. He who attempts to gratify the senses knows how futile it is to do so. To satisfy the appetites is like adding fuel to the fire. The rishis of the Upanishads had greater insight into life than many of our modern psychologists, who advocate the cult of sense satisfaction, when he declared that not all the beautiful women of the world can satisfy the lust of a single man. The man who has surrendered to his carnal self is never happy.

Then there is the mind-self which binds us to ideas and ideals. And there are subtler formless selves of which every earnest seeker on the path has some experience: they are the selves which we create when we take delight in virtues we have acquired or in the progress we have made in spiritual life. And the more subtle a self, the more firmly it binds us to itself, the more miserable it makes us.

You are that

The true joy of life is in the abiding Self, concerning whom the Bhagavad Gita says:

The senses, it is said, are great
Greater than the senses is the mind
Greater than the mind is the intelligence
But greater than the intelligence is He, the Self!

That art thou! Tat twam asi! Thou art the Self. And this Self is ever pure, ever free. Established in the Self, thou may know the joy that is independent of all outer happenings, the joy that nothing and no one can take away. So Jesus said to his disciples: “My joy I give unto you, and your joy no man taketh from you!”

The body is not the Self. The senses are not the Self. The intellect, which plays such an important role in modern life, is not the Self. Seek your joy in your true, abiding Self.

I recall the words of Upali, the barber-disciple of the Buddha: “The intellect is a clever thing, but it overreaches itself. Do you see that monkey making great commotion like an earthquake in yon tree? See! Now he reaches over and springs to another tree, making a great commotion there also, and nothing does he achieve thereby. Thus it is with the intellect: it overreaches everything, thinking with its absurdly insignificant brain to accomplish things, when all it can do is to bring them into difficult straits.”

Seek your joy in the True Self

It is within you. And the way to the Self is the way of denying yourself. He who forsakes himself, abides in the Lord, such a one hath fullness of joy. Most moving are the words of Guru Nanak:

Behold! In thine own Heart
Dwelleth He – thy King!
And the way to Him Is the way of Love!
Love Him, not thyself!
Think as He thinketh!
Will as He Willeth!
Do as He Commandeth!
Renounce thy little self And
find the fullness of joy
At His Lotus Feet!

Laugh to drive away sadness

When the black mood of gloom and despair creeps over you, perhaps, the best and simplest way to ward it off is to laugh. Laughter is contagious. If you see someone laugh in your presence, don’t you also find it difficult not to laugh?

There is a man who has pinned to his wall pictures of men and women and children laughing heartily. Whenever he feels sad or depressed, he has but to take a look at the pictures on the wall: he cannot help but smile, and immediately feels better.

The story of a man who made patients laugh

I read of a man who rendered immense service to patients in a hospital. All he had with himself was an album which cost next to nothing: it was a collection of laughing pictures taken from discarded newspapers and magazines. With this album he went to patients, many of whom were in the throes of physical agony. They had not known what it was to smile or laugh, for weeks together. At the sight of the laughing pictures, they burst into laughter — they forgot their physical ailments for a while; they felt so very much better. To laugh like this must have helped them in making a speedy recovery.

When you feel sad or downcast, look at your face in a mirror. It looks so tense, so ugly, so unlike the face you would wish others to see. The strain in the face is due to some negative emotion which is playing havoc in the mind. On the other hand, when you laugh heartily, your face glows and spreads joy to everyone around you.

Laughter is medicine. It helps in building moral muscles. It is a spiritual tonic. It has a great cleansing power. So laugh whenever your feel gloomy.

The power of letting go

One way of breaking the force of the negative emotion is to relax. Relax the whole body. As you do so, you will find that the last part of the body to relax is always the face: and of the face, the mouth is last part to relax. So smile and laugh! And you will see how quickly the clouds of sorrow vanish and you are happy again!

The secret of relaxation is in the three words: “Let it go!” Life is full of incidents, both pleasant and unpleasant. When an unpleasant thing happens, we are apt to lose our balance: this creates a negative emotion which expresses itself in a feeling of sadness or depression.

An effective way of dealing with such a situation is to go to the root of the matter and “let go” what is causing the negative emotion. Let it go! Let everything go!

Has my sister failed to understand me? Let it go! Has my brother spoken ill of me? Let it go! Has my best friend turned against me? Let it go! Have I suffered loss in business? Let it go! Have my plans been upset? Let it go! Have I been treated with disrespect? Let it go! Has a dear one passed on? Let it go! Has my health suffered a setback? Let it go! Have I been cheated, robbed, deceived by someone in whom I placed my trust? Let it go! In this world of transitoriness — a world in which things come and go, is there anything worth worrying over? Let it go! The more we let go, the more do we conserve our energies for the constructive and creative tasks of life.

A beautiful story of Aesop

There is a beautiful little incident in the life of Aesop, the great storyteller. One day Aesop is playing with little children, shouting and laughing with them. An Athenian passed by: he expresses surprise that such a grown-up person should waste his time thus. In answer, Aesop picks up a bow and, unstringing it, lays it on the ground.

To the Athenian, he says: “O wise one! Tell me the meaning of this unstrung bow!”

The man is perplexed: he finds no suitable answer.

“I cannot solve your riddle,” he says “tell me what it means.”

And Aesop says to him: “If you keep a bow always bent, it will lose its elasticity. But if you let it go slack, it will be fitter for use when you want it.” Are we not, many of us, like the bent bow, always highly strung? We need to unstring ourselves, relax from time to time, that we may be fitter for use when we are called to action. And to relax we need to learn to “let go.”

The post Dada Vaswani on coping with sadness: Laugh and let go appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

Thursday night, I held his hand as he watched television; it felt so surreal. How does anyone cope knowing these are possibly final moments? Friday, driving Dad to the hospital, I knew this was possibly my last drive with him. I told him, “You are the most patient person I know. I love you, Dad.” I tried to be positive, calm and strong. I wanted the car warm, and the drive peaceful. I needed dad, my hero, to be in the best possible state for his operation; mentally and physically.

The horror week begins

Friday night. My horror week began! As a crisis and grief counsellor, I know the signs of anxiety, shock, and grief, but this week they overcame me. Dad’s operation caused many complications in his liver, heart, blood pressure, kidneys, and brain function. When he finally regained consciousness, after a few terrifying days, he could hardly mutter a word; then he quickly developed delirium. Even though his eyes seemed to recognise me, he was speaking incoherently. He mumbled about paranoid conspiracies of nurses wanting to kill him. He refused medical treatment and the family were called in to give permission for life-saving procedures and to be prepared in case he “crashes”. This mental decline of Dad was not anticipated. While we were told it is normal to develop “ICU delirium”, I wanted to know where Dad’s mind had gone… Would it return? I’d never heard of this type of psychosis.

I no longer slept well, often waking, worrying about Dad

I was stuck in a horror movie; the family talked about legalities, the living will, power of attorney, and possible death. “I will not discuss his funeral! We need to be positive!” I said. I recognised disassociation, as I kept re-playing the family’s words, over and over. This doesn’t feel real! So, this is how it ends for my Dad, my hero? I’m in my client’s world of crisis, and I recognise the signs. I feel acidity, no appetite, and I’m trying to keep fear thoughts at bay. I suppress my fear, but then develop anxiety as waves of emotions, suppressed deep inside me, that rise up, and “break me” at any moment. I gave up suppressing the tears. I ordered coffee from the hospital cafe with tears streaming down my face. The love songs in the cafe angered me. Why did “Islands in the stream” have to come on the radio? Dad loves country music. My sister and I stormed out in protest! My dad was dying … Stop the music!

Signs of despair

I no longer slept well, often waking, worrying about Dad. Has he just died? Nana even “came to me in a dream” and shook her finger with disapproval. [I’d been telling her, “Go away, Nana. You can’t take Dad!”]. I felt constantly cold, another sign of shock. The adrenaline and coffee kept me strong for hours of visits, but the fatigue kicked in and I had to drive back home for two days to recharge. I hated being away from dad.

A big cloud had overcome my life; I recognised this as “preparatory grief”. I felt disconnected to everything, except Dad. I cried, as I told hubby, “Nothing in the world seems important to me anymore; just Dad!” I retreated from work. I lost all interest and felt like a turtle hiding in a shell. I didn’t want to talk to friends. I needed to conserve my energy. I texted updates, which helped me come to terms with the reality of this situation. I’d cry as I’d read, “Dad’s organs are shutting down. His kidneys are not working well. His liver could be failing. He may not recover from the delirium.”

I’m normally calm, but was finding myself becoming angered easily

My mum said she missed me, even though I was beside her. I missed me. Knowing how grief causes marriage issues, I consciously kept connected to hubby, but had little energy for anyone else. “You cannot control life,” he said. I needed to hear this. I can’t keep dad alive with my love… but I’m going to keep trying.

My mind would sometimes become disobedient; I’d see myself at dad’s funeral going over a speech. Stop! Dad is not dead! I know enough about the mind and energy to know that living in the present, in the now, is essential. I worked hard at keeping funeral thoughts out of my mind; instead, I kept visualising positive improvements.

I’m normally calm, but was finding myself becoming angered easily [another grief stage]. My sister and mum annoyed me, the nurses made me angry with their blunt updates. This anger distorted my thoughts. Why was Dad on so many sedating painkillers? Were they trying to kill him? Do they need the ICU bed? I was frustrated, hyper alert, impatient, and felt trapped in a world of trauma.

Shielding my dad

I resigned myself, even though it was hard, to leave the medicine mostly up to the experts. My role was to ensure Dad was surrounded by love, loving touch, and constant positive words. Knowing about the subconscious mind, I needed to ensure that dad [even though he couldn’t really talk] could hear all the improvements he was making. I would often say, “Your skin is a good colour. Blood pressure is going well. Your surgery is healing well.” I didn’t want dad hearing any negative, as his subconscious mind was too vulnerable.

Over one hundred friends and family prayed, sent good wishes, lit candles, and sent love

I kissed him over 30 times on the forehead, and held his hand, over the many days. Sometimes he’d turn his head when I’d take my hand away; his eyes seemingly said, “Don’t go.” I felt like my love was making a difference.

Nonetheless, I was losing hope, and needed to take action. In a desperate attempt to send more loving energy to Dad, I turned to my friends and family on Facebook and asked for prayers and good wishes. Over one hundred friends and family prayed, sent good wishes, lit candles, and sent love. I even had strangers sending love!

The miracle called love

As I write this, it’s eight weeks since his operation, and Dad is now walking, talking, and enjoying life at my brother’s home. During his last week in the hospital, his mind and body recovered well. He looked forward to his daily wheelchair rides around the hospital where he would meet the canteen staff, and hospital helpers, who had heard so much about him. For many weeks, everywhere I went, people asked, “How is your Dad?” The power of Facebook at the time when I needed support was incredible.

We are all connected… we all feel each other’s pain, and we can all help each other heal. In this challenging time in my life, I felt this love from my friends, family, and even strangers, as tangible, and instrumental in Dad’s healing. I also believe that it was my 30 kisses that helped save him.

The post How a daughter’s love helped this dad recover sooner from surgery appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.