I’ve noticed that we’ve become an increasingly cynical society, complaining about anything to anyone who will listen. Cynicism has become our second nature. We have become such masterful complainers that we complain incessantly.

We fret about our aches, pains and illnesses, our bad luck, our difficult spouses, and our disobedient children. We criticise the attitude of our colleagues, the carelessness of our employees, the highhandedness of our clients, the aloofness of our neighbours—oh, we even complain about our neighbouring countries. We lament about our incompetent MPs, our ineffective governments, the opportunistic opposition parties, the corrupt politicians, the irresponsible film stars, the greedy sportsmen, the unethical media, the declining economy and on and on. We wail about our past, our present and even our future.

We spare no one, not even God! Indeed, the believers among us whine and whimper the most to the ‘almighty’ for creating an unfair world.

We have become such masterful complainers that we complain incessantly

Complaining is pointless

But have you thought about what you’re really achieving by all your complaining?  If you reflect a bit, you will realise that complaining is pointless—it achieves nothing good.

And no, it’s not harmless either. Repeated complaining rewires your brain, making you more inclined to complain. Overdone, complaining can destroy your life. Every time you complain about something or someone, you feed your inner cynic, which becomes stronger and stronger—until it starts dominating your entire thought process. If this continues, soon you can’t see anything good in your life. The world begins to appear as a hopeless place and you react strongly to every little uncomfortable event, labelling it as terrible, awful, mean and so on. And because misery loves company, it is easy to find other complainers to empathise with your ‘hopeless’ worldview. Social media, for instance, has become a favourite place for airing your grievances—you find many who will ‘like’ and ‘share’ your posts encouraging you and inviting others to join the bandwagon.

Most of our complaints are about things over which we have no control—the corrupt politicians, the pathetic state of our roads, the declining economy. When we complain about these things, we simply add to the noise out there while feeding the negativity in our minds. What’s worse, cynicism often makes what is easy look difficult.

Most of our complaints are about things over which we have no control

Are you exaggerating?

The cynics are so obsessed with complaining about the thorns that they miss the beauty of the rose. When we grumble about our personal problems, it keeps us focussed on what’s wrong, blocking any possibility of a solution coming to us. Also, we tend to get attached to our problems because they become a way to attract attention from others. This makes us exaggerate the issues that are troubling us. But people close to habitual complainers tend to get fed up sooner or later and then try to avoid them.

Theoretical Physicist Stephen Hawking says, “People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.” Here is a man who could claim every right to complain given his grave physical condition, and he says that complaining doesn’t work.

I have found that a good rule to follow, when a complaining thought arises is to check whether the problem is within your small circle of influence or is it just in the larger circle of concern, about which you can do nothing. If it is the former, stop right there and do whatever you can to address the issue; if it’s the latter, stop right there and go about your life. In either case, put an end to your whining. You’ll see what you’ve been missing.

The post So What Are You Complaining About Today? appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.

During a senior management meeting of a multinational corporation, the executives were encouraged to ask questions and share their views. Akhilesh Kumar, the head of supply chain, raised his hand and volunteered to share some of his views on various aspects that were discussed in the meeting.

After the meeting, Akhilesh went to meet Manav Behl, the CEO, and asked him what he thought of his comments and whether it was appropriate of him to have raised them in the forum. Manav told him the truth—that although the content of his message was relevant and his views were valid, the way he had conveyed them was a little negative. Akhilesh didn’t take kindly to this feedback and told Manav that henceforth he will simply keep his opinions to himself because it seems that the management didn’t really care about his viewpoint.

Most of us prefer to avoid reality, much less seek it proactively. How often, instead of welcoming insight about ourselves, we treat it as a reason to feel offended? Rather than viewing it as an opportunity to look within and see if we need to change something about our attitude or behaviour, we consider negative feedback as criticism that is best avoided. Many a relationship—personal and professional—go sour due to such poor response to sincere feedback. On the other hand, positive feedback too is viewed either suspiciously or not given much importance because we prefer to live in the bubble of perceptions we have created for ourselves.

But not actively seeking and receiving feedback constructively keeps us from those truths about ourselves which only others can see and point out. And unless we see ourselves—our strengths, our weaknesses—without bias, we will not be happy.

In this month’s lead story, a clinical psychologist tells you why proactively seeking reality can help you expand your awareness about yourself, others and your world. Dr Henry Cloud, best-selling author and acclaimed leadership expert, tells us that armed with this heightened awareness, we can improve all aspects of our lives. Using examples of real people, he illustrates how seeking honest feedback from others is the key to success and happiness. “The good ones want to know the reality of who they are and are in tune with the fact that we do not see ourselves accurately. They ‘seek’ out this knowledge in a variety of ways,” says Dr Cloud as he explains that integrity is all about wanting to know the truth, no matter what the cost.

I find Dr Cloud’s ideas thought provoking; they have made me reflect on my attitude towards the feedback that I receive from others. Also, I have begun to see tremendous value in actively seeking out reality as I am sure you will too, once you finish reading the cover story.

I encourage you to put what you’ve learned into practice right away, like I am doing now by urging you to send me an honest feedback about how we’re doing at Complete Wellbeing and how we can improve. I’ll be grateful for your efforts and your insights.

Write to me directly at ma**********@***************ng.com

The post April 2016 issue: Seeking reality appeared first on Complete Wellbeing.