But Why is Mindfulness So Hard to Practice?

I understand mindfulness as living in the present moment, with all my attention to what is. Being mindful implies being fully aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions.

There are a couple of good reasons why being mindful is so difficult to practise. Let me share them as I have understood.

1. We are all creatures of habit

First, we are all creatures of habit, which has its pros and cons. Being mindful means we  need to become aware of those psychological habits that are detrimental to our wellbeing. Being aware at all times requires a tremendous amount of alertness, which is difficult. What’s more, I have learned that this alertness is not possible to achieve with effort or practice—in other words, we can’t make a habit out of it. It comes only by allowing, by letting it be, whatever it is.

Related » How to Transform Oneself With Mindfulness

2. Busting the myth of our goodness

The second reason why mindfulness is so hard has to do with our belief in our own inherent goodness. I have learned that mindfulness requires shifting my attention from the outer world to my inner world. It means looking within, noticing my thoughts, actions and reactions. When I am mindful, the light of awareness puts the spotlight on those aspects of mine that I don’t want to accept and don’t want anyone else to see—not even myself. Little surprise then, that I find mindfulness difficult. It busts the myth of my ‘goodness’. Being mindful means confronting my own demons, coming face-to-face with my pet monsters. And that is unnerving. It exposes to me my subtle neuroses—my prejudices, my arrogance, my righteousness, my narrow-mindedness, my angst, my aggression—there’s so much about me that my ego camouflages under the guise of being busy, good and right. When I am living unmindfully, I push these aspects under the carpet of my mind, as if they don’t exist.

In being mindful, the facade of being better than others falls away and you realize that, at the core, we’re all the same. You notice that we are all ridden, to a greater or lesser extent, by human frailties of guilt, fear, envy, complexes, prejudices, insecurity and intolerance. And underneath the shell of our egos, we all have same needs and wants—to love and be loved, to feel joy, to express kindness, to know the self and to be at peace.

Why mindfulness is worth your while

Because of its revelational nature, being mindful can be quite shocking and unpleasant, especially in the beginning. The ego, of course, doesn’t want you to be mindful. It feels threatened because all its work, the carefully built palace of illusions, gets shattered. But then mindfulness gives rise to something more valuable and rare—courage.

This courage isn’t the kind that is glamorized in the movies. It doesn’t help you win any battles in the outer world. Instead, it helps you conquer something much more difficult—your inner world. With it, you see yourself as you are, and thus also see others as they are, beyond their respective facades. Suddenly, others are not enemies that you must be wary of, but fellow travelers.

Again, what I have gathered from my journey of living mindfully is that it has made me kinder and more tolerant towards others; I am no longer offended by thoughts, words or actions of others. Most of all, I am patient with myself at those times when I am not exactly living from my highest awareness. That is why, even though mindfulness is so hard, I am sticking to it.

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These birds hunt for food in the mornings, I know. But why are some of them flying so high in the sky? I can’t help but wonder. Surely they won’t find food on the clouds. It seems they are just enjoying being birds. Have wings, will fly. Some are flying in pairs, enjoying companionship in the midst of clouds. The clouds themselves are continuing on their journey; those that were adorning the sky just a few minutes ago are not to be seen; new ones have appeared. They are drifting continuously, sometimes hiding the mighty sun, and covering up most of the blue sky.

A thought occurs to me: I am so preoccupied with my life that mostly I remain unaware of a great unalterable truth—that I am a part of a much greater whole. I am flowing in the river of an incredible consciousness, unconsciously! My attention turns to the wonderful trees and flowers and another thought arises. As humans, we think of everything in terms of its utility to us. We’ve become economists, all of us. “Does it fulfil any demand?”, we ask. If not, it’s useless. We haven’t spared even flowers, whose beauty cannot be grasped by the human intellect. We have made them into a commercial proposition—growing them for sale. We’re civilized, we say, but does civilization mean being so disconnected from nature? Why has greed overshadowed everything else? Why has it colored every thought and every deed of humans?

Going with the flow

Meanwhile, the white clouds have now disappeared from the scene altogether. But they are there somewhere, moving along to some place they themselves don’t know; they are surrendered to nature. If they are conscious, they are wise; they offer no resistance. I wish I could ride the clouds—it would be so much fun, moving at a gentle pace to I don’t know where. When I have no destination, it doesn’t matter where I reach, it’s still the right place. And that’s how it is with life. If I have no resistance to what is unfolding, I will never be anxious about where I’ll end up.

No wonder animals and birds don’t need psychiatrists, I reckon. They live in absolute uncertainty, accepting whatever comes their way. They don’t think about future and so have no anxiety. Their fears too are instinctive—when there is clear and present danger—unlike ours, which are mostly psychotic, created by our overactive minds.

It’s time to go, get ready for work. As I leave the scene, I realize that we can learn so much from Nature—if only we would pay attention.

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At a time when placebo research is booming at Harvard and other universities around the world, there’s increasing interest in the question of why sham surgeries and sugar pills. For example, a 2008 article in The New England Journal of Medicine described how a couple of years after patients participated in a randomised arthroscopic knee surgery study, medical doctors were shocked to discover that patients with osteoarthritis of the knee who received placebo surgery were just as likely to report pain relief and improved functionality than those who received the genuine medical procedure.

Ours is a highly improbable universe whose unlikeliness is balanced out by billions and billions of possible other parallel universes

How does instantaneous transformation occur?

The key to understanding the mechanism of instantaneous transformation comes through considering the idea that we exist in a multiverse of parallel yet interconnected realities; and that the quantum properties of entanglement, superposition of states, and teleportation are occurring beyond the realm of the very small. Just as quantum particles are capable of blipping into and out of material form when not existing as pure energy, the science of quantum jumps suggests that we too, literally, jump from one parallel universe of possibility to another.

Hints that our universe is not the only one can also be found in the recent discovery of the surprisingly lightweight Higgs Boson, as reported in a June 2013 article in Scientific American. The unexpectedly small mass of the Higgs Boson supports the theory that ours is a highly improbable universe whose unlikeliness is balanced out by billions and billions of possible other parallel universes in which such oddities can be viewed as being statistically expected to occur somewhere, rather than living in a single symmetrical universe in which things clearly balance out.

When we identify as being pure energy and consciousness we are capable of re-engaging with a more enjoyable physical reality

Making quantum jumps

The key to making a quantum jump from one possible reality to another is in the art of attaining a state of detachment that can be accomplished through lucid dreaming or meditation. In such a meditative state, we can view ourselves as existing in a state of pure energy—of pure consciousness. From this vantage point, we become aware of simultaneously existing across a multitude of possible realities that are available to us in every moment. For example, in one reality we are adopting healthier daily diet and exercise habits. In another reality, we are fearlessly exploring our genuine passions and interests. Even a simple meditation of enjoying a blissful state of relaxed, energised mindfulness while contemplating the question, “How good can it get?” can produce powerful, health-positive, stress-reducing effects.

When we identify as being pure energy and consciousness rather than fixating on a particular given physical reality, with its myriad ailments and problems, we are capable of re-engaging with a more enjoyable physical reality. This process of disengaging and then re-engaging between different parallel universes of possibility is something akin to shifting gears on a car. Just as we must disengage from first gear by pushing the clutch pedal before shifting into second gear, so too must we first disengage from all concerns of our regular daily life before re-engaging with a reality we’d prefer to experience.

Taking positive actions and behaving like the relaxed, confident, and smart version of you confers these qualities to you

One of the biggest advantages of viewing ourselves as being pure consciousness is that this corresponds to the growing consensus among physicists that you and everything around you exists in a superposition of states. In the field of quantum physics, scientists are becoming increasingly accustomed to considering quantum particles as both matter and energy. New quantum computers are up and running that provide us with examples of everyday objects in our regular world that depend on a brand new logic of beyond the binary states of something being True or False; some things are True-and-False; and others are Not-True-Not-False. In the brave new world of quantum logic, Schrödinger’s famous cat can be simultaneously both dead and alive.

No longer do physicists expect quantum behaviour to stay on the quantum scale. Entire new branches of sciences now include quantum ‘weirdness.’ Researchers now study: quantum astronomy, quantum biology, quantum chemistry, and quantum statistics, and many other aspects of quantum effects on the macroscopic scale. In other words, what happens in the quantum realm doesn’t just stay in the quantum realm, in this amazingly interactive multiverse filled with marvellous possibilities.

Quantum jumps in daily life

You quantum jump any time you “fake it ‘til you make it,” by adopting the speech, mannerisms, dress, and aspects of the person you need to be. Taking positive actions and behaving like the relaxed, confident, and smart version of you confers these qualities to you. Here are some examples from dozens of ways you can experience quantum jumps in your daily life:

• Are you feeling overwhelmed? You can persevere better when you take a moment to cross your arms. Psychologists at the University of Rochester conducted experiments that demonstrate that people who cross their arms stick with challenging problems with far greater persistence than those who don’t.
• Develop confidence by sitting up straight, and adopting ‘power poses.’ Social psychology studies conducted at Harvard indicate people feel and behave much more confidently after putting their hands on their hips or standing and leaning on one’s hands over a table or desk.
• Feel happier by smiling and becoming more outgoing. Studies consistently show that smiling lifts your spirits, and people can become more extroverted—which provides direct, positive effects on wellbeing and life satisfaction.
• Reduce feelings of depression by writing down ‘What Went Well Today’ at the end of each day, taking care to give yourself credit for whatever qualities you possess that contributed to the good news of the day.

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The illusion of superiority

Ego makes you feel superior to others. Can anyone become superior to any other person in every aspect of life? It is impossible. Everyone is unique. God or Nature does not create duplicates of anyone. So ideally the feeling of superiority should not arise. You might say, “I have more wealth or more qualifications than others.” But even that does not mean you are superior to others, because they may have more of something else that you do not have, but wish for. One way to reduce your ego is to accept your own uniqueness and also appreciate the uniqueness of others.

The need to dominate and control

Ego fights with other egos. As soon as you try to dominate or control others, the other person’s ego resists, revolts and reacts. As a result, the other tries to get back at you or sabotage your efforts at the first opportunity. If you give up your need to dominate and control others, your ego is out and the other’s ego has no one left to fight. Peace and happiness prevail.

Blocked rational thinking

Our ego often comes in the way of us accepting the reality of situations and looking at things rationally. When something that we don’t like happens, we resist it. If you keep your ego out of the picture and ask yourself two questions, you will be in a better situation.

• Can I do anything about what has happened? If yes, do it. If nothing can be done, accept the situation as soon as you can.
• Can I learn anything from what has happened? If yes, learn it as soon as you can. Else, let it go without regret.

One night, as I was crossing the street; my hand collided with the handle of a cyclist passing by. It hit my knuckle really hard. I could have got angry at the cyclist for not riding properly and for having bumped into me. Instead, I crossed the road and stood there for a few moments and asked myself, “Why did the cyclist and I not see each other?” I got my answer: It was totally dark. I decided that in the future, I will cross the road at nights only under the streetlights. If I would have allowed my ego to take over the situation, I would have left from there cursing the cyclist and would have also lost out on learning an important lesson that was towards my own safety.

Stunting personal growth

A retired person once shared with me how he was getting bored with all the free time he had on hand. I said to him, “I have a library room at home, you can pick up books of your interest from any subject and learn new things. That will keep you occupied.” His egoistic attitude made him reply, “My grandchildren are in school. It’s their time to learn now. At this age what more is left for me to learn? I already know what I need to.” Old age mostly brings with it wisdom but often it also brings along ego. In order to learn something, you need curiosity and passion, but you also need humility. And ego kills humility and, as a result, puts an end to your growth.

Ego hurts your health

The ego makes you react angrily or think ill of someone or yourself. When that happens, it has a negative effect on your health and wellbeing. Once thinking such thoughts becomes a habit, you suffer from chronic diseases, heart trouble and even cancer. I repeatedly autosuggest to myself that my health is improving everyday in every way. This I do because I am able to maintain my mental balance. Last year, at the age of 84, when my doctor examined all my reports, he said, “You will live for a 100 years!” I replied, “But my plan is to live for 115 years. You have reduced 15 years.” Then both of us laughed. Nobody can say for how long we will live, but living without fear and toxicity can make sure that you enjoy great health as long as you do.

Religion and ego

The Qur’an says: “You should not have ego even equal to a gram of mustard.”

The Bible says, “Only the humble will reach the kingdom of God.”

In Bhaktimarg, you have to surrender your ego totally.

Some saints have said, “Your prayers shall not be accepted, if you have ego.” The reason is that the ego’s function is to increase your feeling of entitlement, to create conflicts, damage your health and make you suffer. Baling Broke has said, “It [pride] is the friend of flatterer, the mother of envy, the nurse of fury, the sin of devils, the devil of mankind.” It is for this reason that all religions have condemned ego. The only way out is to strive to be aware of your egotist feelings when they arise and replace them with humble compassion for self and others.

Peace of mind as mission

If peace of mind is your mission in life [who doesn’t want it!], become aware of small irritations and agitations within your mind. Start to laugh them away. Laughter is the best antidote to irritation. When there is peace of mind, intelligence, oneness, compassion and discrimination enhances your self confidence but not ego. I too learnt this the hard way 20 years ago when, at the age of 65, I underwent a bypass surgery, which let me to change my approach to life.

Byron Katie says, “An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” So question your mind and you will realise how repeatedly your ego-based thinking spoils your relationships, makes you miss opportunities due to fear, damages your health and more. What I have learned in my eight decades on this planet is that the purpose of everyone’s uniqueness is not to enforce separation but to make life interesting. Get into the habit of investigating your thinking, feelings and habits. Once you become aware of your self-defeating thoughts, it is easy to get rid of ego.

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I like to think of My Ego as a misery factory—a fairly large one with several misery machines, which run quietly and have great capacity to produce misery and insanity. Its products are the psychological equivalent of intoxicants like alcohol and drugs. Under their influence, I lose all perspective. The products include judgement, righteousness, comparison, entitlement, anxiety, self-pity, envy, fear [psychological, not instinctive], hatred, possessiveness, anger, guilt, resentment, inferiority complex, revenge and many more.

The misery factory works 24/7 and its raw material is the collective unconsciousness of all humanity, which is free and available in ample quantity. Its power supply is imagination. The factory has received funding from a society that promotes the idea of separation, conflict and one-upmanship. No wonder nearly all fellow humans also have their own ego factories.

My Ego is that part of my self that is completely identified with the ideas of separation from others

Annihilation ahead?

The chief consumer of the products of My Ego is the conditioned mind, which has been led to believe that these products are needed for its survival. But I know that this is a lie. Far from being necessary, these products are highly toxic and act like slow poison that will ultimately annihilate its owner and the entire human species.

Sometimes I wonder if complete lockout is the only solution. Perhaps management buyout is a better idea—that way I can take control of the factory and change its core products. What if I found a way to convert the machines into producing bliss instead of misery? What if they start manufacturing life-enhancing substances—tolerance, forgiveness, courage, peace, understanding, respect, freedom, happiness and love?

An important breakthrough

I figure that one way to make the machines stop making misery and start making bliss is to replace the basic raw material—use consciousness in place of unconsciousness. The trouble is that consciousness is in short supply, its only source being a high degree of presence. I have been experimenting with this for a while and though my research is far from over I am happy to report that I have had an important breakthrough. I have found that I can successfully cut off the factory’s power supply using a phenomenon called meditation.

What if I found a way to convert the machines into producing bliss instead of misery?

This is how it works: While meditating, my overactive imagination stops and My Ego comes to a grinding halt. But this phase doesn’t last and as soon as my imagination returns, the factory starts again and the insanity returns. Still, this has been a useful discovery, because it allows me time and space to cultivate the art of presence which, in turn, helps me produce the raw material of consciousness required for bliss in ample quantities.

The more I meditate, the easier it gets to stay present, yielding more and more consciousness, until one day meditation won’t be required—I will be simply present. The misery machines will then finally become transformed into bliss machines and My Ego will be transmuted into My Ecstasy, a factory I wouldn’t mind owning!

This was first published in the April 2015 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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I remember driving my daughter to school one morning, with my “feel-good” music playing and it had rained earlier but the sun was out, I was feeling happy and Plugged In and suddenly I sensed that there was a rainbow. I looked up in the sky and there it was. I love seeing rainbows and perhaps because it is a frequent phenomenon in Sydney skies, on some level, I knew that there would be a rainbow in the sky that morning. All the elements were there…so was it synchronicity, did I manifest it or was it nothing?

I was told by a friend to buy a pair of ceramic love-birds for good feng shui and keep them on my bedside to attract a romantic relationship. I haven’t found a pair yet, though lately, every morning when I go to turn my kettle on and I look out the kitchen window, I see love birds and I watch them going through their dance of intimacy. The female would bow and the male would peck at her feathers just around her neck and then he would bow and she would do the same with her beak. I see it every day now. Coincidence? Logical?

A sceptic would possibly call all this a post hoc fallacy. This is when people doubt the powers of manifesting, their personal power, and want to question the unseen energies.

What would it mean to you if you could use your intuition and were always accurate and guided? Even the wrong turns are the right ones, symbolically and physically. Every path introduces you to different experiences, lessons and people. Using your powers of intuition and synchronicity is just learning to read the sign-posts better, to notice the guidance that is coming from inside.

When I was not sure about a possible path to take, a business opportunity, a potential company or person to collaborate with, I went with my gut and I always saw numerous signs that led me towards following the path and going with the flow. The signs showed up everywhere—bumping into people randomly at airports who passed statements that affirmed that I was headed where I needed to go; the specific person I needed to get in touch with happened to be staying at the same hotel I was in; the book I wanted to reference almost fell on my head, off the bookshelf. There was significance at every step. Colours, music, lyrics…all in synch with what I was thinking and feeling in the moment. As if the whole world was my personal movie and every detail had been choreographed perfectly to appeal to my senses.

So what was different? I had decided what I wanted. The decision was made on all levels of my consciousness. Conscious, subconscious and super–conscious. The congruency is what turned me into a powerful magnet for all I wanted.

I was singing a song in the gym shower and as I was walking by the chicken shop on the way back home from the gym, the same old song was playing on their system. Almost like Déjà vu in reverse. Déjà vu is a sense you get of having been in exactly the same moment before while you are experiencing it for the first time and synchronicity is when you can see the thread that connects all your experiences leading up to the one you are in now. Notice the choreography of the course of events that need to take place in order for you to witness these signs.

I suggest that you write in your gratitude journal every night. A by-product of doing so is that when you look back through your journal after a few months, you will find that you have important and useful databases. One, that of people and events that you were grateful for—so you can connect the dots and see the synchronicity for yourself, and two, you will have a mind bank of things and people to be grateful for.

Synchronicity exercise: Look at your list of achievements, think of the big epic stories in your life, focus on some of your so-called regrets and list the signs and coincidences that weaved them all together. This can be a lot of fun, so take your time with it.

Excerpted with permission from Don’t Think of a Blue Ball by Malti Bhojwani, published by Om Books International, INR295. Buy from Flipkart.com

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Whenever you feel bored you will feel restless. Restlessness is an indication of the body; the body is saying, “Move away from here. Go anywhere, but don’t be here.” But, the mind goes on smiling and the eyes go on sparkling, and you go on saying that you are listening and you have never heard such a beautiful thing. The mind is civilised; the body is still wild. The mind is human; the body is still animal. The mind is false; the body is true. The mind knows the rules and regulations — how to behave and how to behave rightly — so even if you meet a bore you say, “I am so happy, so glad to see you!” And, deep down, if you were allowed, you would kill this man. He tempts you to murder. Then you become fidgety; then you feel restlessness.

Buddha was bored

Boredom is one of the most important things in human life. Boredom is the first indication that a great understanding is arising in you about the futility, the meaninglessness of life and its ways. A man becomes human when he starts feeling bored. You can see it: the most intelligent child will be the most bored child, because nothing can keep his interest for long. Sooner or later, he stumbles upon the fact and asks, “Now what? What next? This is finished. I have seen this toy, I have looked into it, I have opened it, and I have analysed it, what is next?” By the time he becomes young, he’s already bored. And then restlessness follows. Boredom and restlessness are a package.

Buddha was utterly bored and therefore restless. He left his kingdom when he was only 29, at the peak of his youth. He was utterly bored, with wine, wealth, kingdom, with everything. He had seen all; he had seen through and through. Traditionally, it is said he renounced the world because the world is bad; that is absolutely nonsense. He renounced the world because he became so bored with it. And, what was he doing then for six years sitting in those forests? He was getting more and more bored. What can you do, sitting in a forest? Watching your breath, day-in, day-out, year in, year out. He created that boredom to its ultimate peak, and one night it disappeared. It disappears of its own accord.

Boredom and restlessness

If you listen to the body and run away, the restlessness will disappear. Try it. If somebody is boring you simply start jumping and running around. See. Restlessness will disappear because restlessness simply shows that the energy does not want to be here. The energy is already on the move; the energy has already left this place. Now, you follow energy.

So, the real thing is to understand boredom, not restlessness. Boredom is a significant phenomenon. Only man feels bored, no other animal. You cannot make a buffalo bored. Impossible. Only man gets bored because only man is conscious. Consciousness is the cause. The more sensitive you are, the more alert you are, the more conscious you are, the more you will feel bored. In more situations you will feel bored. A mediocre mind does not feel so bored. He goes on; he accepts, whatsoever is okay; he is not so alert. The more alert you become, the more fresh, the more you will feel as if some situation is just a repetition, as if some situation is just getting hard on you, as if some situation is just stale. The more sensitive you are, the more bored you will become.

Boredom means you are sensitive

Boredom is an indication of sensitivity. Trees are not bored, animals are not bored, rocks are not bored — because, they are not sensitive enough. This has to be one of the basic understandings about your boredom — that you are sensitive.

But Buddhas also are not bored. You cannot bore a Buddha. Animals are not bored and Buddhas are not bored, so boredom exists as a middle phenomenon between the animal and the Buddha. For boredom a little more sensitivity is needed than is given to the animal. And, if you want to get beyond it then you have to become totally sensitive. Then, again the boredom disappears. But, in the middle the boredom is there. If you become animal-like, then boredom disappears. So, you will find that people who live a very animalistic life are less bored. Eating, drinking, marrying — they are not very bored, but they are not sensitive. They live at the minimum. They live only with that much consciousness as is needed for a day-to-day routine life.

Monotony is boring

You will find that intellectuals, people who think too much, are more bored, because they think. And, because of their thinking they can see that something is just repetition. Your life is repetition. Every morning you get up almost the same way as you have been getting up all your life. You take your breakfast almost the same way. Then you go to the office — the same office, the same people, the same work. Then you come home — the same wife. If you get bored it is natural. It is very difficult for you to see any newness here; everything seems to be old, dust-covered.

Watch people walking on the street and you will see them completely bored. Everybody is bored, bored to death. Look at their faces — no aura of delight. Look at their eyes — dust-covered, no glimmer of inner happiness. By and by, the whole life becomes a mechanical routine, a constant repetition. And, one day they die… almost always people die without ever having been alive.

Bertrand Russell is reported to have said, “When I remember, I cannot find more than a few moments in my life when I was really alive, aflame.” Can you remember? How many moments in your life were you really aflame? Rarely it happens. One dreams about those moments, one imagines those moments, one hopes for those moments — but, they never happen. Even if they happen, sooner or later, they also become repetitive.

The solution is to be more conscious

When you fall in love with a woman, or a man, you feel a miracle, but by and by the miracle disappears and everything settles into a routine. Boredom is the consciousness of repetition.

Hence, people try to change. They move into a new house, they bring a new car home, they divorce the old husband, they find a new love affair, but again that thing is going to become repetitive, sooner or later. Changing places, changing persons, changing partners, changing houses, is not going to do anything. And, whenever a society becomes very bored, people start moving from one town to another: from one job to another, from one wife to another, but sooner or later they realise that this is all nonsense because the same thing is going to happen again and again with every woman, with every man, with every house, with every car.

What to do then? Become more conscious. It is not a question of changing situations; transform your being, become more conscious. If you become more conscious you will be able to see that each moment is new; but for that, tremendous energy of consciousness is needed.

Existence is available for those who are available to existence. And, then I tell you, there is no boredom and restlessness. Life is infinite delight.

Last updated on 13^th July 2020

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