Comments on: In a Relationship With a Self-Loathing Person? https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/ Award-winning content for the wellbeing of your body, mind and spirit Mon, 22 Apr 2024 20:27:53 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 By: Ras https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-33028 Mon, 22 Apr 2024 20:27:53 +0000 http://completewellbeing.com/wp4/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-33028 Great article but there’s no advice at all on what to do if you’re in a relationship with a self-loathing partner, or how to help them?

]]> By: Brenda https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-25421 Mon, 29 Jan 2024 10:55:15 +0000 http://completewellbeing.com/wp4/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-25421 Thank you for writing this article you just described me I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong and now I feel bad for my poor husband It’s time I check into therapy.
Thank you so much

]]> By: Dionne https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-3450 Sat, 07 Nov 2020 16:37:28 +0000 http://completewellbeing.com/wp4/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-3450 In reply to Northern_Guy.

Northern Guy,
I’m married to a self-loather and what you said is helping me to better understand him. It is challenging to know how to act around a person who feels this way. I would love any suggestions.

]]> By: Northern_Guy https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-1776 Tue, 02 Jul 2013 20:48:50 +0000 http://completewellbeing.com/wp4/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-1776 I am self-loathing. It stems from childhood, I think, where my mother told me I was “bad” all the time. When she got stressed out, she says “Stop being bad!”. If you would just BE GOOD! She would say. I could never figure out what being good meant, really – sitting in my room reading a book. Never getting dirty. Or hungry. Or sick. Or scared. All bad for mommy. She later admitted she was overwhelmed after having me, and I empathize with her. It’s not her fault. I am a parent now too and I am overwhelmed. But I won’t tell my kids they are bad. My boy wet the bed the other day and he was crying and looked afraid as if he was in trouble and I was very sad that he felt that way and I grabbed him and hugged him pee and all and told him that daddy peed the bed too and that it was normal and he said “Really, daddy?” So maybe I can stop this cycle by not repeating what my mother did. I guess I am not so mad at her anymore but I am having a hard time in my life. I found an emotionally unstable/abusive household to cause:

-Lack of autonomy, trouble with decision making
-Low self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence.
-Dependence on others, letting others make decisions
-More than average meloncholy, mood issues, depression
-Perpensity for addiction, self-soothing behaviors, eating, sex, drugs, etc.
-Considerable anxiety and avoidance of people and things
-Trouble dealing with anger constructively
-Lack of direction, wandering, stuck
-Unable to say no, set boundaries, have limits
-Constant people pleasing
-Avoid social situations
-Trouble taking criticism (even constructive)
-Trouble accepting gifts, compliments, or even thanks

I’ve spent most of my adult life in therapy and just when I think I have made some progress I feel I slip back. Lately it feels like the more alone I am the better off I am. Relationships (marital, family) are very strained and my social circle is non-existent.

So, next time you see someone who is self-loathing, or defiant, or stubborn, or resistive, or negative… just say “Hey, c’mon, it’s not that bad… if anyone can do it you can!”

Because maybe when they were kids they didn’t hear that and maybe it’s not too late if they hear it now.

]]> By: Dave https://completewellbeing.com/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-1775 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 07:31:09 +0000 http://completewellbeing.com/wp4/article/living-with-a-self-loather/#comment-1775 Thank you for writing this article. Two days ago, I asked for a divorce from my wife of nearly 5 years. It was difficult to pinpoint or even explain to her why I’m absolutely spent and out any love to give. She is unmistakably a self-loather and I’m just now justifying my actions after having read this article. Consistent criticism from her, along with her ability to take things the wrong way from what I’m actually saying along with her consistent obsession with her appearance and how she hates the way she looks as finally broken me down. It’s like a subtle virus that just chips away at you taking the form of many other little issues…they fade and then it’s something else…at one point I went to therapy to make sure it wasn’t me who had the problem…my issue was I was losing interest with sex and intimacy…I’m pretty sure now I’m all good there, and it’s just the unattractive nature of this type of behavior…it was to the point for awhile where she completely withdrew from sex because she didn’t feel pretty, etc…and required SO much reassurance from me, instigating the first move, etc..that I withdrew as well because it became so difficult and uncomfortable.

Trying to explain to her that my leaving is to help her was difficult. She’s spent the last 5 years trying to meet every need I have in my career and dreams, while placing hers on hold, all the while I’m trying desperately to encourage her to be excited about anything, an art, hobby, new career, anything – but now according to her, I’m the bad person for leaving BECAUSE SHE chose to not pursue her dreams…I can see she’s been unhappy, but claims she never complained and doesn’t understand why I’m leaving. I travel when I work so it’s been so difficult being able to enjoy my profession while knowing the pain it’s been causing her, that I can clearly see, but that she would never confess to having – I think it’s from guilt she carries from her last relationship or perhaps from her childhood. At this point, it’s too late for me. I need to move on..but this article just made my day..now I know I’m really not a selfish jackass..thanks!

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