Know Your Partner

Find your "Perfect-10" to keep your love relationship hot. In the process, let your partner know that you are very special and wanted

Certainly in mortal lovemaking, kissing the neck, being close to the neck, kissing the ear, are very exciting

- Frank Langella

CoupleBeing settled in a comfortable relationship is just that comfortable; nothing more. A relationship can settle into one big yawn when partners have no time for each other. Also, boredom can set in, and you may even forget what your partner is all about.

It's time that some effort be put in to let the sparks fly again!

  1. Blast from the past. Think back to the time you used to spend dressing up for the date with your lover. Your body had to be good, your dress had to be great, your thoughts wondrous. Go back and bring some embers from the past to light up today's blast. Remember, what really excited your partner then; use it now to excite her/him again.
  2. Know your partner. If your partner is open and expressive, keeping the passion alive may be easier. If your partner is cool and unresponsive, you may need to work harder. But, remember: still waters run deep. You may just get unexpected and unbridled passion once you chip away the cold exterior.
  3. Look the part. If you want to create excitement, look exciting! This means not to wear that dowdy dressing gown all day. This means to wear sexy lingerie, smart clothes, your perfume and make-up, your cool after-shave, or whatever it needs to send the pulse racing. It means to get into the mood with the right style.
  4. Power of suggestion. You can be sexy with your voice, your eyes, your walk and your talk. With the simplest suggestion, you can send your man into wanting you completely and unabashedly. It may be a shrug of the shoulder, and arch of the neck, a twinkle in the eye, the crossing of a leg. There are so many things that can set the ball rolling. You may exchange a look across the room with a promise of things that may happen later, and this would be enough to keep the fire of desire smouldering.
  5. Do the unexpected. Remember, a new place sets a new pace. Making love in the back seat of the car need not be reserved for youngsters! Try a hotel room, or grope in street corners, kiss in a public place [ignore the shocked looks of others; they must be green with jealousy]. It may sound unthinkable, but it works wonders for your relationship, because of the sudden surge of excitement which the unfamiliar generates. You can also go to places that you never thought of going before such as a salsa dance club, or a raunchy play. All this may add the needed fuel to the fire.
  6. Create a romantic mood. Champagne, chocolates, candles, bubble baths, incense sticks, dimmed lights, rose petals, music and you. The right atmosphere creates the right mood. A relaxed and comfortable space will allow your partner to open up and be receptive.
  7. Make your intentions clear. Be gentle in your advances, consider what your partner desires. However, be sure of your own self and make it obvious to your loved one that you want to go ahead and have an exciting time. It is not only important to make it exciting for your partner, it is also important that you make it wonderful for yourself. By making things passionate for yourself, you will communicate your pleasure to your partner as well.
  8. Suspense. This is a great aphrodisiac. Keep the suspense alive, and lead your partner on. She should not know when things will begin to happen. The longer she has to wait for the fun to begin, the more exciting it becomes for her.
  9. Foreplay. This is, perhaps, the most important part. Foreplay starts with words. Talk of things that she would find exciting. Throughout the conversation, touch her ever so gently. Then get adventurous. Start invading her private space. You may now compliment her and tell her how beautiful she looks. Caress her shoulders, look deep into her eyes, and whisper sweet-nothings into her ear. Talk softly now as you begin to kiss her gently. Slowly, your talk can become more erotic, and you can get more adventurous in your caresses. Take your cues from your partner, and let her indicate her comfort levels.
  10. Play time. Make your moves and make sure that the game does not get boring. All couples enjoy playing roles, dressing up, acting coquettish, shy, or brazenly sexy.

You may know what works with your partner and play the game to suit her; or, you may want to bring in something new. It is important to know and gauge your partner, keeping the pace alive but not rushing things. Share a secret fantasy, indulge in some healthy fun. While sex is great without any enhancements, it can definitely be worthwhile to try a few titillating toys, provocative props, or new pleasurable positions.

Good side-effects

Find the triggers that keep the relationship hot. Let your partner know that she is special and wanted. Keeping the excitement going has many beneficial side-effects. Sex helps you release tension, burn calories and makes your skin glow. You begin to feel younger and sexier, and emit pheromones that make you irresistible to your partner!

While a lot can be said about the tricks that can be used to create excitement in your partner, it must be remembered that our sexuality is an expression of everything else that we are, including our bodies, minds, and emotions. So, the chemistry and the desire for uninhibited sharing need to be present for passion to happen.

Inducing excitement into your relationship will not depend so much on your age, your monetary worth, or how long you have been with your partner. What it will depend on is your willingness to make the effort to create the desire in your lover. If nothing else, think of all the beneficial side-effects that you will reap, or sexiness you will project, and start making your moves. now!

Nurture Your Relationship

For a relationship to develop and grow you need to give it attention. One of our human needs is to connect and relate with others. It can be emotional, social, or intellectual. Much joy comes from the bonds you develop with others.

Intimate relationships can fail because of jealousy. Low self-esteem or the feeling of unworthiness is the main cause. It also happens when there is no trust in a relationship. The dire and constant need for approval can also ruin it.

It is better to put your energy on your personal growth. One place to begin with is to look within. You will understand your thoughts and feelings, your values and motives and your roles.

You can never like or love others more than you like or love yourself. The better you understand yourself, the better you relate to others.

Magnifying lens over an exclamation markSpot an error in this article? A typo maybe? Or an incorrect source? Let us know!

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Abha Iyengar
 Abha Iyengar is an internationally published author, poet, editor and British Council certified creative writing facilitator. Her story, The High Stool, was nominated for the Story South Million Writers Award. She won the Lavanya Sankaran fellowship in 2009-2010. She was a finalist in the FlashMob 2013 Flash Fiction contest. Her published works are Yearnings, Shrayan, Flash Bites, Many Fish to Fry and The Gourd Seller and Other Stories.

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