Comments on: How Should Adults Deal With Their Overbearing Parents

By: Jennykay0489

Jennykay0489 — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 19:07:27 +0000

In reply to Jennykay0489. I guess , what I think is that you should forget about your debt to your parents because if you were my child, I'd walk threw fire for you, and money means very little in the love for a child. I think you shoukd limit your contact, stay strong stay respectful, until they miss you so much they finally result in giving up so much control over you just to have you back in thier life. Maybe it's generational, . Maybe they are truly unhappy in thier own lives. , if I were you, I'd forgive yourself, forgive them and set yourself free. Life is too short. I think your amazing for chasing a dream, don't ever lose that courage in life. Parents are made parents because they are here to support thier children 100, regardless. They fall short , not from helping you but from not continuing to support you, financially and emotionally. Not everyone will agree with me but not everyone is cut out to be a parent either. So sad, I hope this helps. I mean from.not continuing to support you 100.

By: Jennykay0489

Jennykay0489 — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 19:06:08 +0000

By: Jennykay0489

Jennykay0489 — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 19:02:56 +0000

In reply to Jennykay0489. All these stories sadden my heart so bad . When we obviously need our mothers support why can't these women do that , they chose to have children. And now they choose to destroy us. It's all so sad hearing the desparation of us , trying to do our best and get shot down until our lives are helpless. These women shoukd not have had children. I guess this is all just normal motherly behavior. To watch us cry. It really sickens me . I hope we all find our positive place in life. I hope we all succeed in life. Leave these toxic mothers in the dust. Much love to you all.

By: Jennykay0489

Jennykay0489 — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 18:53:33 +0000

In reply to Eliza. I guess , what I think is that you should forget about your debt to your parents because if you were my child, I'd walk threw fire for you, and money means very little in the love for a child. I think you shoukd limit your contact, stay strong stay respectful, until they miss you so much they finally result in giving up so much control over you just to have you back in thier life. Maybe it's generational, . Maybe they are truly unhappy in thier own lives. , if I were you, I'd forgive yourself, forgive them and set yourself free. Life is too short. I think your amazing for chasing a dream, don't ever lose that courage in life. Parents are made parents because they are here to support thier children 100, regardless. They fall short , not from helping you but from continuing to support you, financially and emotionally. Not everyone will agree with me but not everyone is cut out to be a parent either. So sad, I hope this helps.

By: Mary rose

Mary rose — Fri, 02 Jul 2021 12:28:21 +0000

My mum controlling and it gets worse as she gets older.
I am learning to put healthy boundaries but alot of time they get ignored. As soon I express my wish to have my own life alot hostility, threats ,anger being ingored gets directed my way . The psychological warfare my mum can engage in when she wants to control something can be often distressing and leaves me quite burn out . Its eathier be all and end all or its my way or the highway. You ask for help eathier its inconvenient or she is has restatement or guilts tripping you .when you don’t ask for help you get blamed for pushing her away. I know I am not perfect and made mistakes but she never acknowledges her controlling issues to be the problem and seems to feel justify to have that control. She can be is passive aggressive at times . I feel she constantly trying to fit me in a mould of how she wants me to be and how I should be living my life
Thing I think that’s helping is knowing that I am my own person and knowing that I don’t have to put with her dictating but still just loving her as my mum .
She not going to change and in her way that is always going be her problem as she see herself a victum beening part of a nuclear family and anyone that sees things differently to her is dysfunctional . To the outsider she is marta, but is the matriarch of the family who excepts adults to obay and be at her beck and call . If she does not like you or disobey her you get treated like 2nd class citizen where have to earn you freedom by proving you worthy person in her eyes, which is a race you can never win with her . She is has suspicious personality which the does not give her trust easily .

Iwant to have healthy relationship with my mum just without her need to control, I don’t think there is any simple answers . But understanding maybe why she is like that the only solution at the same time remembering I am my own person too .

By: Eliza

Eliza — Mon, 12 Apr 2021 18:04:35 +0000

This is the first article I’ve read that really applies to my situation. It’s also helpful to read the comments and see I’m not the only one who deals with this. I am kind of curious from others that have commented on here, what age/s are your parents and when were they born? I’m wondering if this is more of a generational thing, or if it’s folks who only have 1 child, or parents with anxiety or bipolar symptoms. I’m 34 and was trying to pursue a music career right out of college. So I was financially dependent on my parents for awhile because they support my love of music and wanted to help me pursue this dream as much as I could. Well, needless to say, it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, so I got a lower paying 9-5 job and just do music for fun on weekends. I’ve had trouble keeping relationships because of my busy lifestyle first and foremost, but also it’s been tough for me to find a job that I have the qualifications for that pays decently. So I’m still trying to pay back bills that my parents have helped pay, and trying to make it on my own without their help but, there is still a lot of money I owe them and I feel like they hold this over my head and use it against me now. Not to mention, I’ve had some bad relationships in the past so now that I’m with someone that I personally think might be something serious, they still find every fault with this person and don’t like the fact that he’s pointing out theirs as well. He’s trying to help me get more financially stable and get my parents to back off a little when it comes to my life decisions and such. They of course see this as he’s being controlling and they have my best interest at heart, not him. I see where he’s coming from and I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m over it and tired of my parents trying to control everything. My mother I question if she is bipolar a lot, and I have a feeling she has anxiety but won’t get it checked out or confirmed. She interjects her opinion on everything and wants to control everything I do. My dad just seems to go along with her because it seems like he’s afraid to disagree with her. Ever since I hit puberty, she and I haven’t gotten along. I don’t think this is a mistake. I think that’s when she started to lose control over what I do and who I am, and she saw that and we started arguing and not liking each other. She’s told me over and over when I don’t look good in something I’m wearing, or she’ll try to poke at my hair if she doesn’t like it, or try to tell me how to do something because how I’m doing it isn’t good enough. She’s even commented on my weight over the years and tell me that I can’t wear certain things because they make me look fat. My dad is more easy going and I feel like I can talk to him about things. But both of my parents are very judgmental and treat me like I’m still in high school and can’t do anything myself without showing me first or telling me how. I sometimes wish I could just win a bunch of money and pay everything off, and move away from them so I can just break free. Looking back I wish I would have never let my bills rack up the way they have because I almost feel stuck now with my finances and them. I just feel like this is a never ending cycle and talking to (mainly) my mother is like a talking to a wall because she will guilt trip me into everything and make me feel like I’m the bad guy and she’s never wrong and it’s me who treats her badly for “no reason”. Then I get into a depressive state and feel like I’m a bad daughter and I just need to do whatever they say because maybe they’re right. And the vicious cycle continues.. I just don’t know what to do anymore because when I try to approach my mother about any of this, I’m just met with arguments and nasty comments about how ungrateful I am and how I don’t want them in my life. My parents were born in ’57 and ’58.

By: Lib

Lib — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:55:05 +0000

I work for my parents, and I love my parents more than anyone on planet Earth. They’ve pushed me and supported me in discovering amazing aspects of myself throughout life, but their soft-pressing control on my career, future career, and success is overbearing. I am experiencing extreme anxiety and depression that I know stems from childhood. I seek to please people constantly and find myself no happier for having pleased anyone, but rather disappointed and alone. I resort to being mean sometimes, saying passive aggressive things like, “I’m not your daughter right now, I’m your employee.” SO Unhealthy for everyone, and believe me I do feel like an ungrateful ass. I sum it up to half-truth, and also unfair emotional manipulation. Also, I recently went back to school and graduated with another degree, for them! They did not like that I was a self-employed cleaning lady (5 years independent and self employed) to support my artistic aspirations, so I went back to school, putting myself into even more debt. Flash forward 2 years my Dad still has hopes and dreams for me to entire an entirely different career path than the one I just previously went back to school for! I’m at my wits end, nothing I do impresses them to the point where they’ll relinquish placing their fears, hopes, and dreams for me on my shoulders at any chance they get. I’m not their only child either! Anyways, seeking therapy once again. I guess I won’t understand until I myself am a parent, until then all I can do is take on every financial string that ties me back to them, outside of being employed…which works great when they don’t combine employee/daughter. HELP. I know I’m not the only millennial offspring losing my sense of self and self determination to overzealous baby boomers who always intended their newborn to be a world class, 6 figure earning prodigy.

By: Jennifer S. Genuino

Jennifer S. Genuino — Sat, 08 Jun 2019 21:58:53 +0000

I am 34 years old with autism and have issues with my controlling parents. It makes me so upset when adulthood has so many ups and downs whenever I want to pursue something that I can do like music. I kept ? in my mind that I am not worthy enough as ?. Those who’re controlling my life are not the best things adult children ever experienced. I always wanted to sever ties with my parents and focus more on my life and career.

By: Phillip Torres

Phillip Torres — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 15:41:02 +0000

my parents are very controlling also, im in fear of everything i do. Whether its in there approval or not. Im 27 years old and they still treat me as im 14. Im married now and have 3 children, They try to manipulate every aspect of my life from where i spend my money and who i do what with. They hate my wife when shes done nothing wrong to them she doesnt even talk to them. Im over them i want to move far far away but i dont have the money or resources too. My dad wants to buy me a new place and he recently just bought my car for me. I fear they will use these things to control me even farther. Please somebody help me my names Phillip Torres i live in bel air maryland.

By: Pat

Pat — Sat, 07 Apr 2018 19:12:52 +0000

Looks like my story a bit as well, so I cut links with her and family. One mistake I did is to try to conform to what society was expecting from me : to be a good soon, listening to mama. Even so this was destroying me. So at the end of the day I was left with two choices : cut links or suffer and take abuse. I am glad I chose to cut link.