The mirage of marriage

In spite of the abundant collective experience of marriages that mankind has, it is surprising that the myths surrounding it are copious and profuse. Myths…because they seem so real, but are just inventions of the mind. Many myths that surround marriage give couples unrealistic expectations—they can be misleading and could well set your relationship up for a lingering dissatisfaction or a disappointing end.

Marriage will make me happy

People enter marriage with this belief and keep waiting for the happiness to happen. If it doesn’t, they feel that marriage is a sham. No marriage can make you happy—it’s you who can make you happy. The unhappiness that you probably feel now is a function of your mental perceptions and conclusions that you draw in a given scenario. Unless you change your point of view, the sadness/frustration/disappointment will remain. The happiness in marriage is for you to find and create. But for that you have to change your glasses, look anew at the source of your feeling and happiness will be right at your door.

Together, we are whole

A lot of people believe this, even many years into the marriage. But they keep feeling incomplete and are sort of dependent in their relationship and this feeling underscores what they get out of their marriage. If you do not perceive yourself as a whole self sufficient stable entity, you will constantly look towards the other to make you feel whole. Isn’t that too big a burden for your partner to carry? If s/he is busy making you feel whole, then how is s/he to feel fulfilled in your company and this is bound to leave its impact on the relationship. What are you adding to the alliance as his/her partner? Find yourself first and you could be two wholes in one relationship. Now, that is a good marriage.

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